School refusal - my daughter is 6 and has ASD

[Mojavewonderer]

My daughter is 6 and has always had a problem with going to school. In year 1 we seemed to have cracked it and managed to get her going to school with minimal days off. Now she has moved up to year 2 but is only attending about 3 days a week. School were ok with this but it's getting silly now. They say she is not engaging at school and her beloved LSA who moved up with her is having trouble getting her to work.
My daughter is verbal and very smart and started to read incredibly quickly, she has beautiful handwriting so it's not the work she's struggling with. She does have some sensory issues. She says she is scared but she won't elaborate on that. She hates being away from me and just wants to stay at home, even on a weekend. She loves her LSA but even that doesn't help.
Every morning it's the same. She says she wants a day off and I say today it's school and we only have days off when school is closed. She starts to get upset and keeps saying she wants a day off, just one. I say again its school, we have to go to school because your LSA is looking forward to seeing you. I go on trying to talk her round but nothing. She refuses to get up. Won't even have breakfast. If I actually physically get her up she will fight me every step of the way. If I try and get her dressed she will keep on struggling and I won't even be able to get a sock on her. If I take her to the car in her pj's she will kick and scream and fight me and if I have managed to get her in the car seat and set off she will open the car door and/or windows and climb out she will undo the seat belt and then we have to stop because I can't drive with her like that. I can't drive with her kicking and screaming and crying having a total meltdown. I have 2 older children who have to get to school before 8 every day. It's not fair on them. They cry when she is having a meltdown. It's very distressing for us all.
Anyway her school have said I must bring her in every day. I spoke to the head and he said yes she must be in school every day. I told them what I have told you and they still say she must be in every day. I said I can't do it perhaps I should home school her but the head has advised against and I can see his point but I don't know what to do. Sticker systems don't work. I've tried Visual time tables and pictures to show her the routine and they don't work and I am making myself ill because I cannot get her to school. I am left with lying to her and saying pop some leggings and a top on we are just going to drop your brother off and then sneakily dropping her off to with her uniform in a bag but wouldn't she stop trusting me and refusing to get up even if it's the weekend?? Please any advice anyone has. Or any stories of success are very welcome.
Wow that was long. Sorry.

I didnt want to just read and run, although I have no advice but i know many posters with first hand experience will be along shortly.

I have not had direct experience of this issue so will also bump this up for others to look at and comment on.

Does your DD have a Statement of special needs in place?. If not, I would be applying for such a document from the LEA asap.

Statements can also be used for social and communication needs; has anyone ever mentioned statementing to you?. Her increasing anxiety levels will and is perhaps already having an impact on her ability to both learn and concentrate within a classroom. Being there three days a week (who actually suggested that originally to you, was it school?) will also impact on her learning.

Next year will be Junior school with the added pressures of such an environment there also.

Has she recently been seen by CAMHS and or a developmental paediatrician?. Is she currently under the care of any such person?.

If you have not already done so I would contact the NAS (National Autistic Society) as well as apply for DLA on her behalf.

This type of scenario can happen also because the child's additional needs at school are simply not being met enough by them.

Have heard good things about a book called "The out of sync child" by Carol Stock Kranowitz and any books by Tony Attwood.

Your story is so much like mine mojave. My Dd3 has Asd and sensory proccessing dysfunction, she hates school with a passion.

We have had good years and bad years but this time of year is always bad. My Dd3 has often made herself physically sick at school, especially when she was younger due to her anxiety.

I have no real advice for you as we are having a tough time of it at the moment too. I agree about not breaking her trust though, I feel like that too.

Last week I managed to get Dd3 a referral to a local paediatrician who has an interest in girls with Asd/Aspergers, so I am hoping she may be able to offer some ideas or advice.

You are definitely not alone. Be kind to yourself and keep coming on here for support.

Good luck

Hi and thank you to everyone who has replied.
We think it is a combination of things, she has a hearing sensory issue and after speaking to her class teacher this afternoon we have discovered that the reason she could be scared is because it is incredibly noisy in her classroom. The teacher says that herself and the LSA are not shouters but they do have loud booming voices and the pupils are very loud also so that could easily explain why she was ok in year 1 with a very quiet teacher but moving up she has moved straight into easily the noisiest class in school. Another thing we think could be causing her distress is that she had a fairy garden at the other school and we were using that as a means to get her to school, she had to go to school to tend to her garden, but it never got bought over so I went over myself this morning and carried these 2 huge pots filled with plants from the infant school to the junior school, luckily I drove, and she now has them to do. I have a meeting with the SENCO on Friday to sort out some homework for her to do on her 'days off' so she is not sat around idle thinking that she can play games all day. I am happy to home educate if none of this helps though so I shall keep it in mind.
Fingers crossed tomorrow is a good day and I can get her to school.
Thanks again :)

Hi mojave my ds is also 6, with sensory processing disorder and anxiety (separation and generalised), and we have similar problems with school - although it's very up and down and not that bad all the time.

We by no means have the problem solved, but one thing that's helped him massively is to arrange to go in 15 mins early in the mornings and meet his TA rather than lining up with everyone else. Also, he has ear defenders in class which he can use when it's noisy. And he's allowed to wear a hoody to school, as putting the hood up when ge's feeling overwhelmed helps with his auditory and tactile defensiveness.

We have various other strategies from the OT and clinical psychologist which are just starting to be implemented, which I'm hoping will start producing results soon!

(((Hugs))), it's so hard and I know what you mean about making yourself I'll with the stress of it.