Having trouble getting my daughter, who has ASD to school.

[Mojavewonderer]

My daughter is 6 and has always had a problem with going to school. In year 1 we seemed to have cracked it and managed to get her going to school with minimal days off. Now she has moved up to year 2 but is only attending about 3 days a week. School were ok with this but it's getting silly now. They say she is not engaging at school and her beloved LSA who moved up with her is having trouble getting her to work.
My daughter is verbal and very smart and started to read incredibly quickly, she has beautiful handwriting so it's not the work she's struggling with. She does have some sensory issues. She says she is scared but she won't elaborate on that. She hates being away from me and just wants to stay at home, even on a weekend. She loves her LSA but even that doesn't help.
Every morning it's the same. She says she wants a day off and I say today it's school and we only have days off when school is closed. She starts to get upset and keeps saying she wants a day off, just one. I say again its school, we have to go to school because your LSA is looking forward to seeing you. I go on trying to talk her round but nothing. She refuses to get up. Won't even have breakfast. If I actually physically get her up she will fight me every step of the way. If I try and get her dressed she will keep on struggling and I won't even be able to get a sock on her. If I take her to the car in her pj's she will kick and scream and fight me and if I have managed to get her in the car seat and set off she will open the car door and/or windows and climb out she will undo the seat belt and then we have to stop because I can't drive with her like that. I can't drive with her kicking and screaming and crying having a total meltdown. I have 2 older children who have to get to school before 8 every day. It's not fair on them. They cry when she is having a meltdown. It's very distressing for us all.
Anyway her school have said I must bring her in every day. I spoke to the head and he said yes she must be in school every day. I told them what I have told you and they still say she must be in every day. I said I can't do it perhaps I should home school her but the head has advised against and I can see his point but I don't know what to do. Sticker systems don't work. I've tried Visual time tables and pictures to show her the routine and they don't work and I am making myself ill because I cannot get her to school. I am left with lying to her and saying pop some leggings and a top on we are just going to drop your brother off and then sneakily dropping her off to with her uniform in a bag but wouldn't she stop trusting me and refusing to get up even if it's the weekend?? Please any advice anyone has. Or any stories of success are very welcome.
Wow that was long. Sorry.

I am so sorry I don't have any advice but couldn't ignore your post, how difficult for you. Sending hugs & I hope someone has some ideas.
Have you discussed this with a Childrens Community Nurse? Ask for a referral from your GP, they could assist you with flexi schooling & some new ideas to tempt your daughter. Good luck x

Gosh that sounds horrendous for you. I agree that tricking her isn't a long term solution.

However I don't have any other solutions either. Have you tried to get a referral to cahms for her to talk to someone?

She's 6. She gets up when told to do so because you are her mother and she is 6. She changes when told to do so because you are her mother and she is 6. If she chooses not to eat breakfast then she goes without. She gets in the car when told to do so because you are her mother and she is 6. Child locks on back doors will stop her opening them.
Don't enable her, don't get into discussions, don't try to talk her round she's 6, YOU are the adult and WHAT YOU SAY GOES.
it'll be easier to do it now whilst she's 6 than waiting until she's 16 and they really can punch back properly.

Not helpful trooper, the little girl has Asd and is having anxiety issues around going to school. The OP came here for help. Not judging!!

I can understand how some mothers may not understand the daily struggle of getting DC's to school, however I am not one of them. Before I had my Ds who has ASD I would have not understood either. It is not the mothers fault, these situations are traumatic and stressful for all involved it is not as simple as just telling them to do as they are told of it was we wouldn't have these issues and many others. OP I completely understand. I don't recommend tricking her into school but that is just my opinion , you need to work with school and the profs to work out exactly what is causing the high anxiety around school and get help to deal with it. I wish you luck .

I have terrible problems with DS1 who is 15 (today!). He hates school and every morning is an uphill battle. I'm not sure what to say as he was not so bad at 6 but it is so not about just telling them what to do. Are you receiving support of any form? Sorry if that's already been said.