Feeling desperate with no where to turn

[popgoestheweezel]

I am in a real state this morning just feeling absolutely desperate. Ds has been very stressed today, really having a go at dd and I lost my temper and screamed at him. When he said he was going to run away and live on the streets I thought, I just wish he would. I can'r cope any longer, its more than anyone could be expected to cope with.
He was Ok by the time we set off for school but I was a total wreck on the verge of tears. I couldn't even look his TA in the eye as I knew I would burst out crying. Both his ct and the head were in the playground but they both avoided me (i guess they could see I was on the verge).
I don't want to ever go back into that playground as I feel like a total pariah.
What are school going to do with him today at breaktimes to make sure he doesn't hurt any other children?

Well frankly that is the school's problem.

As for you, you need a plan. Can you get some/any rest right now and then plan for when and how you are going to pick him up?

Can you think through how picking him up went the last time things went well?

Pop, ((HUGS))
Have been there too. My Ds is older now and has better control but I know that feeling of being emotionally exhausted just getting ds to school in the morning. I don't think ds meant to hurt other children, he just didn't have the skills (spacial awareness, sensory awareness, impulse control etc) to cope with so many children in close proximity. Then he would be punished for things he did not mean and get very cross and things would go from worse to disaster!!

Yes, he can't stop himself from lashing out then gets punished for doing something he just can't prevent. Them he gets punished more and more and gets increasingly alienated from school.

I have made so many plans, and seen them through. It seems though that everytime we think we're making progress a great big spanner falls into the works and everything goes pear shaped.

Oh, poor little guy.

Are the school receptive to your ideas/strategies?

Would you be able to get them to do an ABC chart for a couple of weeks (to include break times?)

Oh poor boy! It must be soul destroying for him. At least he has you on his side.
ABC chart is a good idea. One of the things that worked for ds whilst in MS where break time was so difficult was to allow him and a few others to play in a small fenced are with a few toys (sand pit/ ride ons). This gave him something to do (he cannot cope with unstructured time) and sensory play, whilst keeping peer contact to a number he could cope with. Other children with different needs were better in the book corner or home corner.

Poor you If you feel desperate, you need to allow yourself to ignore it all today. Just give yourself a moment without it to recharge your batteries. Then you'll be able to face it all again.

I think there is nothing wrong with showing him your temper if he is aggressive to a sibling.

Sometimes with my boy, he needs to know loudly and clearly (and with non-verbal facial signals) that mum is boss, mum sets the boundaries and mum is also human.

My view is that my boy may be severely autistic, may have LD, may be feeling grumpy or stressed, but he is still a child, I am still the adult, and he obeys me and does not hit.

I do know it is not always tht simpl, but I definitely don't beat myself up for shouting as reckon all mums do it, and SN is parenting cubed!

Thanks for your kind words everyone. I have tried to (sort of) take your advice and did 'work from home' yesterday. That included a mammoth hour long sobbing session followed by a meeting with the head, lunch with dh out in the actual normal world (wow) and a look round a special school. All done in time to pick ds up from school and take him the 50 min drive to cranial osteopathy.
But, I do feel so much more able to cope now that I have had even just a few hours away from ds and from work too.
I also chatted with an adhd charity and they reassured me that all this extra-extreme stuff is just the titration period of the ADHD meds and because he is responding positively to the meds for some periods of time then we will be able to get him to a place of equilibrium on them once the right combo of dose and delivery is established.

pop, (((hugs))), how are you today?

Hi Jackster, better today thanks. A bit tired though, as ds wasn't asleep until after midnight (again) last night and up at 6am, dh was up ill in the night too (he's still in bed now- poor thing) and so I did the morning routine on my lonesome. But both dc were really good and ds went into school lovely.

Glad you had a school school run this a.m. Hope pick up goes ok! x