MS making a case to move 4yr old DC to SS

[Lesley25]

I've just heard (and this will out me too but blow it) that my primary MS are making a case for my ASD DD to be moved to a special school.

They have had experience of her during nursery the year before and we have a full statement. However, parts 2,3 and 4 are being appealed by our solicitor. Briefly we all feel the TA isn't qualified enough, no OT on there or ST on there (i pay for all of these anyway).

I'm confused and angry. Surely the school could have given me heads up before our meeting next week instead of telling me the reports are on their way..now i have a couple of days only to get my head round this.

I have no idea on how i should proceed without getting defensive at this meeting.

Should the hunt commence for special schools then? I'm angry, my DD was pulled out of her nursery to go here to prepare her for school a year and a half ago and she loves it.

Any help would be greatly appreciated ladies.

Hi Sahkoora, if there's anything i can help with, let me know. I'm bound to have a fight on my hands with getting the LA to agree an independent SS school if an LA Maintained one isn't the answer, so i'll be posting lots more!

I'm based in the North west- Cumbria/Lancs way

Good luck visiting the SN schools, I really think you will be pleasantly surprised. Ds has been at SS since he was 4, he's now 13 and I can't think of any behaviours he has learnt from other children in all that time (he doesn't 'do' copying which is why he finds it so hard to learn new skills). What he has learnt is that school is a wonderful place that he loves, where all his teachers do their very best for him and our entire family and he can grow in confidence without fear of being bullied. I send him there without the slightest qualm every morning. I honestly don't think I'd be saying the same if he'd gone to a mainstream school (I have a dd in mainstream so I know what goes on!).
Lougle makes a good point about her dd fitting in, but the thing is I fit in too, the other parents never judge as they are in the same situation.
If you decide to fight for mainstream then all well and good, I just don't want you to fear SS and feel you've somehow failed your dd if she has to go there.

Thanks Pixel.

You know, i'm looking forward to the "me" fitting in too really. Making small talk with the mums at the gates and watching my beautiful but whirlwind of a daughter come out with her TA saying the most hated phrase "Fine, but tired roughly translated to "so, i didn't do anything with her and just left her to her own devices" and hurrying off whilst they gawp leaves me with a heavy heart most days.
I must say it lasts all of 3 minutes before i shake it off!

...But to be able to make friends with some parents, to be able to relax in someone else's company (who isn't under 5) knowing they also share a tough experience at home..well, I'm looking forward to that too.

For those of you with kids at SS - does that happen - you know - mixing with other parents? I'm in the same situation but after visiting it seems like most of the kids arrive by taxi so you don't have school gate chat.

We don't have the school gate - the vast majority of children arrive by school taxi. However, we have a fortnightly coffee morning where parents can come and chat. We either have 'coffee and chat' or 'coffee, chat and a speaker on a relevant SN subject.'

Speakers vary:

-Sensory Co-ordinator talking about Sensory Needs/Tac Pac
-CAMHS - outlining their service, how to get referred, thresholds, etc.
-Paediatrician - role of Paed, Q&A
-Solicitors -How to make a will, what to think of.
-Parent Partnership
-Gateway (Hampshire's SN system for social activities for children with SN)
-School Nurse - continence, sleep.

• Social Worker -role of Social Services

-Epilepsy Action -Hampshire Autistic Society -SHIP (School Home Integrated Partnership) - outlining service.

The school also tries to put on social events, but they tend to fail because of child care.

One of our parents has started a FB page also, so that parents can discuss things that they want to on there, although it's not an official School page.

I forgot to say, it's the Deputy Head who runs the coffee mornings, so there is the opportunity to raise any issues with school at the same time. I attend as a parent and as a Governor and another Governor attends most weeks also. A former Governor who is a 'friend of the school' now, also attends, so parents can always discuss concerns if they have them.

Hi lougle your school sounds very like the one dd2 attends they have regular events for parents too

Thanks - that sounds good.

Yes we have coffee mornings, talks, parent support group etc. Tomorrow I'm going to a makaton lesson and we'll all have a cuppa and a chat afterwards.
It does take longer to get to know people if you don't see them every day at the gates but it's not impossible. You tend to see a lot of familiar faces outside of school as well if your child attends any SN sports clubs or anything like that.

Hi, sorry I haven't read all the responses but another convert to ss here. My son was is ms for two years, the beginning of year 1 it was very much he's doing well with support etc and then suddenly I was called in and pressure was put on me to consider moving him to ss. We were in the process of applying for statement at that stage and I believe they wanted me to write that into parental views but I spoke to IPSEA and dug my heels in and refused to commit. By the Xmas the Senco had walked and we came to the conclusion that we would need to consider ss though we didn't discuss this with the ms school. We visited and also waited for diagnosis and draft statement. Just before the draft statement the school again called me in and pushed me to commit to moving him and again I wouldn't commit either way although my mind was made up by then. I just wasn't handing it to them on a plate. At this point they started making veiled comments about whether they would be able to meet his needs, but again I remained non committal. To cut a long story short, we named a ss school and he was awarded a place at the school his ms told me was too full. At this point, they were delighted and took the credit for the choice of school lol and we parted on good terms. However, I couldn't help noticing that the head couldn't (and still can't to this day, I have another child there) even look in my general direction or in the eye.

Okay there's the background! But, life is better. So much better, it really is. I think you've hit the nail on the head, if they don't want your child there, then neither do you. It's a painful decision to make, but it will eat you up knowing you are leaving your child where they are not really welcome. It did me. Still does to a degree, but I have to keep a good relationship with the ms school for my other child who is happy and thriving.

Hi NameChange, I'm loving the positive ss stories people are sharing.
But you're right, i'm not giving the MS any inkling of my feelings, incase they think they can just "give up " then.

I just wanted to really thank you all for contributing to this thread. On friday afternoon i was distraught but i feel like you've all "therapied" (made up word but who cares) me out of it.
I'm more positive and the stressful tension headache that arrived 10 days ago seems to have lifted.

Now, Please God let the special schools be great!

So pleased you have come round to giving SS fair consideration. There can be a lot of prejudice against it from parents of disabled children, especially when the FCs are young and people can make you feel like you've given up. In the current times there is such a movement towards "Inclusion", whether it's appropriate or not, and how "included" can a child be in an inappropriate and unwelcoming MS setting?
When DS was at day SS (now residential) we used to have parents coffee mornings where we made resources such as laminating PECs and making scenery for the Xmas show etc. It was good fun and useful. DO suggest it anyone if it would help your school

This whole weekend will be used to review as many Special schools in my area - independent or LA maintained to see which could potentially be the best fit for my child.

Can I just say, keep an open mind until you visit? Things are different on paper to when you are actually there. The first school we looked at was fine, couldn't really find fault and would have been quite happy for ds to go there. Then we visited the one he's at and we knew as soon as we walked in that we'd do anything for him to go there! It was just the whole atmosphere of the place, yet on paper they both looked 'suitable' for ds's needs (especially as we didn't have a clue what we were doing anyway still don't).

Lesley I'm not sure to this day if I was being tactical or bloody minded. But yes, time to practise your poker face! Good luck, I've been through the whole journey and it was tough going but I do feel like we are moving on to a new phase in our lives. And I hope that all the powers that be in schools who don't want to go the whole hog with inclusion can sleep at night. (Little outpouring of emotion there!)