So the school just called..... AS traits?

[tricot39]

DS started in YR in September. He is 4. He has long had mild-ish AS traits but now the school have called us to a meeting with his teacher, the deputy head, the SENCO and a local parent who runs an AS support group (they checked that we would be happy with the latter). It's not a surprise to me, but somehow it is hard finally hearing someone else say it out loud. DH and DP have always tried to bury it. I am sure that the school will be great, the teacher seems to have good experience of SN children in her class and helping them do well. But I have lurked long enough here to know that I need to be on the ball for DS. What do I need to know/say/ask for/listen out for?
TIA

Ok, so what do the school plan to do now? Are they making a referral for an assessment? This is what you want ideally & will make accessing further help in school easier. Good luck. :)

I would now ask the GP to refer your son to a developmental paediatrician if this has not already happened. Look at applying for DLA on your son's behalf as well as contacting the National Autistic Society.

As Poltergoose rightly states, Ed Pyschs can only advise on educational needs, they cannot make any medical diagnosis as they are not qualified to do so.

DH and DP trying to bury it is commonly done by men who snap into denial because it is somehow easier for them to deal with. Their stance has not helped your child though and they basically now need to get their heads out of the sand and with the program. What about you as well, you've probably carried the can all the way along.

I would also be looking at getting extra support for him via a Statement of special needs from the LEA. You need to think longer term i.e junior and secondary school. The level of support he receives now will change and his educational rights need to be fully protected hence my suggestion to apply for a statement now.

You are your son's best - and only - advocate.

IPSEA's website is very good www.ipsea.org.uk and has model letters you can use

thanks for posting
having read mumsnet i had taken video when he was 2 and made notes which i topped up last year.... now where did i put them?

he is only 4 what are the pros and cons of referral and statementing? we are in our current school until secondary so have a while to consider a move but do we really need to go for a statement straight off?

Well we had our meeting and I am now in turmoil. I found it really hard going. They seemed to have been concerned by his involvement with some other boys on flooding the toilets. His social skills are poor and he has no empathy. He tried to go for a wee in a playground drain. But he is gentle with other kids and "good at setting boundaries" and when the Senco asked how he was getting on with academic work the teacher said ok. He seems to be persistent asking for certain things; refuses to eat fruit/food he dislikes and managed to change the youtube film that they had put on the computer. most issues occur outside the classroom in unstructured time. At some point the senco said she didn't know why she was there! Overall the impression was very negative which was sad as we thought that he had been going well only 5/6 weeks in :(

It was agreed that they would monitor him in relation to social skills and discuss again in december. we left despondent (sp?).

2 days later I have discovered that he is reading with y1 in their guided reading sets! Shame that they couldn't have let us know so that the meeting was not all negative.... is this normal for school dealings? ie is this what we just need to get used to?

ps i found out about the reading from a neighbour?

Well I'm not a special needs specialist but several of the things mentioned are not particularly AS. Flooding the toilets, weeing in the playground and a messing about with the computer are all just (slightly naughty) things that some kids do when they are little and learning about rules and boundaries in school. They need to be addressed but they don't flag up as special needs to me. Maybe if he still doing them when he was 8 or 9 I'd be more concerned.
It sounds like he could use some support though to help him with social skills and dealing with unstructured time. They have raised the concerns. What are they going to do about it? There are lots of intervention strategies they could be using. I'm not he is at a point to need statementing but they should be doing something to improve his situation.
What is the evidence for lacking empathy? Do you agree? Does he respond to your emotions at home?
It sounds like he is bright but needing a little help with social interactions and understanding acceptable and unacceptable. Behaviour.

Hi Tricot - I remember you from the Resistant Eater Thread. I have just arrived over in SN too as DD (4) has just started nursery (late) and we've had the call from them regarding possible ASD / aspergers too. I think they looking at ed psych input - but having read the responses here to you, I'm going to go to GP for formal diagnosis. My DH also finding it difficult to accept there may be a diagnosis. He thinks she is just unique and will walk her own path - which is fine, but not when her path will be unnecessarily difficult without the right support...

I hope you find the right support and help for your DS.

Hi Polter, yes I know - my eyes have been opened by some of the threads on here and difficulties people are facing. DH is going to talk to our doc next week.

Thanks smartie. I think this is the real dilemma - because I asked for extra help with settling into school we have got on to their radar early. So none of us know whether the "naughty" stuff is typical mucking about or an indicator of something else. The test will be if we can get him to abide by school rules. I suppose we will all be watching until December....

poulter thanks but I am in 2 minds myself.... I think that we will see how it goes and if the concerns are still there in december we will take a view on statementing..... the social issues are most noticeable in a large group as I think he just feels overcome and wants to withdraw. however he is interested in friends and engages more one-to-one with other kids. he is just not the type to get on with anyone.

the school have said that they will do circle of friends with him. we have decided to teach him explicitly about friends/social things and see how we go until the end of the year. if we see progress we will keep going but if things stay the same or worsen we will go the diagnoses route and will have a stronger case.

constant sorry to see you here too. It is a worry isn't it? I can't decide whether i am relieved that the school are on the case, or annoyed that such a young child is having to adhere to high social standards. i am quickly coming to the conclusion that the school system is biased against introverts/analytical type personalities. I was very surprised to hear that the early years assessment is carried out at the end of YR and alongside literacy and numeracy kids are assessed on social skills such as collaboration. Well it has taken me couple of days to realise that if social issues are in the curriculum then that means the teacher has to teach those skills!

thanks all for posting - i am feeling better now that i have a plan

thankfully we put DS into after school club..... the teachers didn't suggest it but we didn't want to have him hear the discussion. having had the meeting i don't know how bad it would have been for him as he is not daft and would have understood. I can't believe the schools think it is ok to have meetings with families like this.... what a knock to a child's confidence :(

Tricot39 - Sorry you are having these difficulties. In my experience schools are very clumsy and one sided in their dealings with parents and children.

Perhaps the good news is that you suspected ASC traits and now you will get an answer, it is better to know what you're dealing with so you can do something to alleviate problems. But your son is young and I dont think you have to race ahead with diagnosis or statementing right now. Take a few months to read up about it, take advice from GP, Autistic Society and get your head around it and prepared for the fight.

What it seems that you do need to do right now, is keep speaking to the school about simple things they can do to help him (ASC or not). If unstructured time is a problem - keeping a closer eye on him in the playground, sending him to the dinner (or whatever) queue first or last so he has minimal distraction from others, sitting next to the teacher at dinner, sitting at the front of the classroom. They've found a individual solution to his advanced reading skills, this is no different.

Good Luck!