Ds has given a child a black eye- school refuse to see us after school today

[popgoestheweezel]

I've had a phonecall from the deputy just now to tell me that this lunchtime ds has punched another child and (probably) given him a black eye. He said that normally they would send him home and we could pick him up if we wanted but that they would keep him in school for today.
Last week he was (illegally) excluded for another playtime incident. We subsequently had a meeting with the head and asked what was going to be done to prevent it happening again, answer- lots of flannel but clearly no bloody action as here we are again!
Dh and I told them we wanted to go in and speak to them after school and we were told "no, it is the harvest sale" I said we would wait until after that and I've been told that both CT and Dep head are not available. Shall we just go along to the harvest sale (which all parents are invited to attend)?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/1870944-Ds-sent-home-after-scratching-another-child
Here's the thread from last week's escapade.

If they are busy hosting the harvest sale they might not have time to see you. But you could go along to the harvest sale or phone and ask for a tiem to come and and talk about it on Monday. stressful for you all weekend though wanting to talk it through and having to wait.

I have been to the harvest sale before- the year 6 are manning the stalls and selling a few tins of beans, hardly a major event! Surely the deputy head should prioritise speaking to some concerned parents over selling beans???

I have read your other thread now, it looks like they are waiting until next week and will probably see you once they have worked out how they are going to deal with it without getting themselves into hot water so yes , go along to the harvest fare and see what they say if not it seems they are waiting until they can think of what to say and you will on the back foot.

Yes I agree with u having read your other thread, go and see them at the fare. I used to be so stupid as it go and collect me son half day as that was what the school decided he could cope with, that was unlawful exclusion and I didn't realise at the time. I also used to collect my son all the time and dropped out of my last year of uni because of this. all in the distant past. I hope you get hold of them you may find them in a meeting of their won trying to figure out how to play this one. they excluded your child, then let it happen again even though you warned them and asked for risk assessment, how to prevent it happening again. what could their excuse possibly be

It sounds to me very like they are frightened to see us without the head. But quite frankly, when the head ain't there that is the deputy's job.
We have been on this journey for so bloody long and have been so bloody patient, keeping our eye on the prize. But all of a sudden it looks like there isn't any prize.
six weeks ago ed psych, senco, ct, head and autism advisor all said statement application next step. six weeks later, nothing has happened! We need to see them today, just to find out what has happened properly. It is not a lot to ask.

Yes, we asked them to tell us what they were going to do to prevent this happening again! We told them it was their responsibility to safeguard ds and all the other children in school- looks like they just can't be bothered.

I am bloody hopping mad

I see you are in England, if there is no progress apply for the statement yourself as others advised on the other thread. For us every second counts but for them I guess its just more paperwork. I'm in Scotland so we don't have statements.
the deputy should not refuse to see you, she should carry some authority. Otherwise you will be stewing all weekend with it, I know. I hope you get to see them today at least to ask for meeting to be arranged asap with the head after initial talk today. As what going to be happening Monday, if the child starts on your child again and nothing has been discussed/put in place.

tbh i think you will need to wait. The school will need to discuss what actions are necessary and the head is definitely the key person to discuss these things. Going along to the sale and trying to discuss this there and then is not the right thing to do. Discussing stuff when angry is not a good idea anyway. I rarely say this on SN boiard but I think you are being unreasonable to demand a meeting today!

cansu, you do have a bit of a point there that perhaps it's unreasonable to expect the deputy to be able to see us at short notice but we have been to the harvest fair and there were at least eight members of staff in the room supervising the sale of 20 potatoes, 8 turnips and 12 cans of soup/beans. I think that he could have put this aside to speak to us don't you? He was happily chatting to a number of other parents but we decided that as he had said he was unavailable to see us we would respect that and we didn't even try to make eye contact with him.
However, the mother of the boy who was punched by my ds did come to have a word with me (in full view of the deputy head who still refrained from coming over). She was understandably upset but I applied all my best diplomatic skills (when we could easily have ended up in a slanging match, as she was pretty angry at first) and smoothed things over. When I told her that ds has autism and ADHD, she told me that her ds is also autistic! So, now we find there are two SN kids not being properly looked after...
She said school have been useless for her ds too and offered to write a letter to the head to provoke a bit of action.

Polter, we have all the stuff ready to go ourselves and school tell us they are busy getting their submission ready too. Dh was very keen that we applied with their support but even he has to admit that they are failing ds now.
We have asked to have a meeting with the head next week but we've been told that the secretary doesn't have access to his diary so we can't book one. He will be in school next week though. What a load of bullshit.

She really shouldnt have come over to talk to you. I understand that you are upset; I would be too but I actually think it is better for you to wait. When an incident has just happened emotions run high and it is easier for snap decisions to be made that are not in anyone's best interests. If this is not the first incident it gives further support to your request that your ds needs more and closer supervision. These incidents should be reported as evidence that your ds needs statemented hours. Stay calm and focused on this and dont be side tracked by whether the deputy could or should have talked to you about this.

polter, it is going off on monday.
cansu, you are right but it does make you think that they don't actually have your child's (or any others) best interests at heart. If they did they would organise adequate support, whether that involves getting a statement or not.

2 kids with SN being unsupported? Both kids being put at risk? Parents able to have a civilised chat after a nasty incident?

A letter from both parents asking for a statement to the LA asap. Also both of you should write a letter to the governors about this incident and copy it to the HT and LA.

Parents have strength in numbers but rarely get the opportunity to join forces. I just think you'll achieve more together than alone . A joint meeting to remind the HT about his/her duty of care early next week is in order. You can fob off one set of parents, but two together would be really tough.

How did you get on have you had a meeting with the school about it ?

Yes, had a meeting. Head's view was that they are doing absolutely everything that they can and the fact that they didn't have any incidents on the other days that week shows how well they are actually doing in the circumstances. The week before ds had been excluded one day after scratching and thrown a chair another day.
I think in a roundabout way he was saying that he has told ds' CT to take a back seat as she is getting so stressed dealing with him. It would have helped if we'd been given an alternative contact of course rather than them just fudging the issue but there you go.

well that's one way of seeing what happened, it does not seem to be much of an answer for you. I hope things get better for you