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Hugging school staff AIBU

8 replies

sazale · 06/10/2013 08:24

My Dd is nearly 15 has a dx of HFA with complex needs (difficulties associated with SPD, APD, dyspraxia, dyslexia, ADHD and PDA). She has been attending a generic special school who have failed to deliver her statement.

After requesting a copy of my DD's school records I have found school's policy on handling my DD's sensory processing difficulties. It states that DD craves touch (which she does) and that to accommodate this need they encourage her to hug staff. This is allegedly supported by the use of social stories to teach her appropriate time/place.

Am I being unreasonable to think that it is never appropriate for a girl of DD's age to hug a member of staff? Dd is identified as being highly vulnerable as she has no understanding of risk/a persons ibtentions and has great difficulty generalising skills and accepting that there are exceptions to rules. Previously to attending this school we have worked on defining appropriate touch and within school (mainstream) she used a weighted vest and a cuddle ball after she was far too friendly towards a male teacher. She also has great difficulty understanding boundaries.

At a previous caf meeting it was discussed about that school need to address appropriate contact with her TA as too tactile and holds hands etc. School thought it was ok for dd to have this level of contact with female TA's but not males. I explained that gender will make no difference to dd, she's either allowed to touch TA's in this way or she isn't. We discussed progressing to linking arms instead of hand holding to develop more age appropriate behaviour. No one has ever mentioned this strategy about hugging and I don't believe that a social story has ever been used.

Sorry for the long post but I feel that encouraging hugging staff has undermined all the hard work we have done over the years and has left my dd in a highly vulnerable position.

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TOWIELA · 06/10/2013 09:26

Didn't want to read and run. I have no experience so can offer no help -except that as her mum, you obviously know your DD better than anyone else and know that their actions are making her more vulnerable. Go with your instincts.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 06/10/2013 09:30

I agree it is something you don't want to encourage as she gets older.

Dd's school have been working on getting her to sit independently without leaning or cuddling into adults.

I would contact school and tell them you are not happy with this

sammythemummy · 06/10/2013 09:46

YANBU, seems they are choosing the easy way out. Call school and ask what they are willing to do about it.

sweetteamum · 06/10/2013 10:22

I don't think you are being unreasonable. You've spent years trying to teach age appropriate ways to release this need to touch and now school want to undermine that and say it's ok for a lady but not a man?! It makes no sense.

Stand your ground on this one.

sazale · 06/10/2013 10:34

Thanks everyone. As part of DD's social difficulties she finds it hard to identify people's roles and tends to think of staff as friends. She needs firm boundaries so as not to cause confusion and I think this will just add to that confusion as well as all the other implications.

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MariaBoredOfLurking · 06/10/2013 15:13

Teaching a young person with LD to hug staff is a safeguarding issue. Guidelines p8 and p16 are relevant. She's even had a CAF identifying this as a problem, so you can legitimately set the SW and CAMHS on whichever idiot though ths was a good idea. And I think you should.

It's well accepted that teens with ASD need to be 'prepared' for adulthood. There's even a book about it, FFS.

zzzzz · 06/10/2013 19:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sazale · 07/10/2013 18:31

Thanks everyone. Thinking of the best way to broach this as I'm mindful we are heading for tribunal and want an evidence trail.

Managed to get a reply today from school about whether dd has been doing social stories (I was not specific about what social stories) and they have stated that DD has never done social stories as they have only just started their training in them.

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