I'm feeling quite alone and a bit miserable about my just three year old

[SockywockyWOOOOOdah]

Sorry, I've posted before about him but the thread didn't really go anywhere. I'm on my own with the DC today, they've both just dropped off for a ridiculously late nap and my thoughts are just going round and round.

He has a visual/facial tic thing that's been going on for about 18 months (looking down to one side out of the corner of his eye and grimacing at nothing). In the last few months he's added a love of running alongside flat vertical surfaces (like fences), looking at them as he goes. He likes to run along the benches in the park. He loves to watch trains - he will watch videos of them coming and going for hours if we let him.

Nursery have asked for permission to have him observed by some kind of coordinator type person as they would like input on helping him to start playing with other children. He is literally just three, but they have noticed that he basically ignores them.

The positive - he is bright, sociable with known adults, affectionate, active, fun and a loving big brother.

The worries - ignoring other children, gets scratchy/distressed/sometimes violent if I talk to adults he doesn't know. This makes him really anxious (he hit a lady on the head at soft play recently because I spoke to her). And the biggest worry - what I can only describe, after hours of trawling the internet, as visual stimming.

His vision and hearing are fine. The paed said no red flags but...visual stimming is a red flag, no? It's just that they're not calling it that yet.

I'd appreciate any thoughts or kind words. I'm finding this all very stressful.

Hi socky, I am an early years senco and work along side the local authority SEN advisors. If they come to nursery to see your son all that they will do is make recommendations to the nursery staff and you. They will want to support him and will look closely at what he is struggling with.

In my area we can refer to the Child Development Centre so that a child can be formally assessed. This would be done by Speech and language therapists, paediatricians, psychologists and possibly others.

If you are worried maybe you should ask about this kind of referral.

I agree with polter about keeping a diary and reading oh and coming on here for great support and advice

Good luck

See now, when I asked who it would be they said a something-something coordinator, not a SENCO but some meaningless management-speak title like a Service Improvement Coordinator, and that their focus would be offering strategies but they could also refer on if needed.

Apparently they will meet with us to discuss post assessment, which is good. But the fact they want one at all is so stressful :(

It is stressful but your little man needs the right support to thrive at nursery and school. He wont be diagnosed with anything if he doesnt need to be.

Make sure you understand everything they tell you, dont let them use lingo that only they understand.

Remember everyone will be working together to support your lovely little boy.

Good luck

Yes agree don't be stressed that he warrants a assessment. My so has been in the 'system' for 4.5 years with lots of red flags but no formal diagnosis yet. Everyone agrees he has dyspraxia but even with weekly ot for the last three months no one will dx him. So don't worry they will slap a label on him for no reason. In my experience they don't even like to dx what they can not refute

You're not alone here, we've all been where you are now. It sucks, but you have done such a good thing by getting the ball rolling now. It is a really horrible time, and I know this prob won't mean much now, but honestly, if he does ever be diagnosed with anything like asd, after a time it is all so different from how you envisage things now. Not much comfort now, I know, a all you want to be told is that he's just delayed/a boy, he'll catch up, it's in your imagination, etc, but even if he is dx, where you are now is awful, but we on this board can totally empathise.

Rgsrdless of whether he gets any kind of diagnosis, I would only say IMHO the most importsnt thing you can do now is to look at any difficulties he has, and how you can go about helping him. Eg social interaction , playing - eg distract him from repetitive stuff with something really, really fun. Ad reward him for joining in with it. Am nursery to get small group stuff going which you know he'd enjoy (eg sand/water stuff?). You don't mention his communication/language, but you could try Hanen More than Words. Also ask if nursery can get actual tangible support an strategies from any behavioural outreach teams. It is sadly the norm that all you get at is stage in the form of 'support' is meetings about other meetings, rather than concrete support on the ground, but worth asking.

Keep posting here. There is tons of support and advice here.

Sorry for spelling, on iPad.

Thank you everyone for your kind words and support.

He really is such a lovely, lovely boy. He loves to sing and knows lots of nursery rhymes by heart (I never stop singing), and this evening serenaded us all with Bye Baby Bunting, as well as If You're Happy and You Know It in his second language.

His spoken language is good - he didn't say a thing at all until he was two but it came on very quickly after that. He has a good vocab, although he does often use a sing song voice/repeat phrase he's heard, it's nearly always in context.