no idea what to do next

[thriftychic]

ds2 was given his 2 day in-school exclusion (behaviour unit 9:30 - 4:30pm) for shoving a teacher . He says he didnt do it , she was behind the door , he didnt know.
He might well have done it as hes had issues in this lesson for ages and nothings got sorted so i think he blew his top.
but , he has refused to go . I have advised him to go because it isnt going to go away , they said if he doesnt come to school like i predicted, it would happen the first day he did come in. but really i dont agree with it at all.

normally when he refuses school i remove all priveleges but today i have no idea what to do . He wants to play xbox etc
i emailed the school telling them why i believe its the wrong course of action and i had a very difficult conversation yesterday where they just wouldnt budge an inch.

do i stop all priveleges and hope i can force him into it (probably cause a meltdown) even though i think its wrong , or do i let him have a nice day (possibly days , who knows where this ends) watching tv etc .
damned if i do damned if i dont .
He is 14 with asd
im at a loss

I have to say when the ds's first started getting exclusions we used your original response - made them do work and banned TV etc. Often this meant we had major meltdowns at home and made there return to school very difficult as they were even more stressed. We slowly came to the conclusion that what they needed was time to destress during the exclusions and were much less heavy handed at home. When we did this there return to school was easier. ds1 in particular would be unable to handle a punishment he thought was 'unjust'. My sons are younger though.

thanks , i know your right . if they had given him an exclusion that meant he stayed at home that would have been easier but hes adamant that he WILL NOT go to the behaviour unit for this 'in-school' exclusion.
as it is though, hes now doing a self imposed at home exclusion.