Sorry to repeat this for anyone who has read my other thread in the last few days, but I'll do a brief recap.
DS (5) has a dx of ASD and we are expecting a proposed statement sometime this week. He was on a reduced timetable most of last year (as little as 6hrs a week for most of it). He's still only in from 10.45-3.00 at the moment, though they finally stumped up for a consistent 1:1 for him.
This term, it has been extremely difficult to get him to go into school. He's ok at home and all the way there he's fine, it's just like he clams up when he has to leave me. The school's policy up until last week has been to drag him in. Cue much distress for both of us, and lots of kicking and swearing.
I had a home visit from the behaviour support team last week and we talked it all through. She told me they would never recommend dragging a kid in like that as it sets a bad precedent, and won't be possible in a few years when he's a bigger boy.
So this week, I have refused. I don't see the problem in calming DS down and getting him in when he's ready. At the moment, he's not participating in classroom activities very often, it's not disrupting any other teachers or kids, so who is it really hurting? They have offered him some wind-down time inside the school before he starts, why can't we have that outside instead?
He's not even going in a public entrance, I have to take him round the back, so it disrupts precisely no one.
But school have been TOTALLY unreasonable about this. The first day, they came out mob-handed: the 1:1, the CT and the SENCO, which of course terrified DS. The Senco told me to go home immediately, which I refused. I explained that DS and I had worked on a social story about coming to school, and that he was expecting to have some time to chat and talk until he felt ready to go in.
I sat DS down and tried to calm him down. The SENCO was really shitty with me and DS (not the first time she has shouted at him about not respecting adults) and told DS he had precisely five minutes. DS's anxiety went through the roof. She came back with a bloody sand timer! I promptly put the timer on its side.
The 1:1 tried valiantly with the First and Then board, but DS was too far gone. I suggested that I walk DS into the library, he leapt up straight away, went in, chose a book, had a 2min chat with me about it, kissed me goodbye and I left. As I was leaving, I saw him leave the library with his CT all smiles. When I picked him up at the end of the day, he had a good day, and nothing negative was mentioned.
So, thinking our case had been proved, I altered our social story to include a trip to the library and a chat outside with his 1:1. Yesterday, we turned up to find the HT waiting for us. He completely refused to let me come into the school, saying it had caused a huge disruption. (I checked with his 1:1 later and this was a COMPLETE lie, DS had indeed had a good day).
Again, there were several people badgering DS to come in straight away, timers were brought out and the First and Then board was pushed in his face. No one spoke to him like a human being, let alone a distressed 5yr old with difficulties. It was all "come on then!" like he's a dog. DS was CLEARLY distressed. I persuaded him to come in via a different door and again we were met mob-handed by the HT, the Senco, the specialist teacher, which made DS clam up again.
Eventually, after a masterpiece of scene-setting and calming down i talked DS into going in on the promise he could go to the school field and look for ants with his 1:1.
I went home and an hour later I had a call from school saying that DS had wet himself and wouldn't let anyone help him change, so could I come and pick him up. DS has NEVER wet himself at school, and when i got him home, he was wet to his socks and very pale.
It took the rest of the afternoon to get him back to himself again. He was up half the night with a tummy ache so I have kept him at home today.
Me and DH have a meeting with the HT tomorrow. To say that I am ready to explode is an understatement. I am not at all a confrontational person but I feel as though I have completely lost faith in school's ability to look after DS. They seem so hung up on the idea that he has to obey them that there just isn't any flexibility. DS has difficulties with feeling under pressure and it seems that this is all they are prepared to do. There's no compassion from anyone.
If DS was disabled in another way, say, in a wheelchair, would they be badgering him if he couldn't get through the door?
I just never want him to go there again right now. We are going to have a look round the local ss in a couple of weeks, but I don't know if they have places.
Sorry this is so long, but tbh, it just makes me feel better to have written it all out. DS really should be allowed to take his time, shouldn't he? I'm not being precious about it?