Issues with DD 8 - possible asd?? (long)

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Have n/c for this as feeling a bit sensitive.

Background

DS is 6 with asd and learning difficulties. (dx at 3, statemented and in special school before he was 4)
DH - works in IT, bit of a geek, and has many autistic traits (but he doesn't acknowledge them) I think he would get a dx if he felt he needed to. Struggled in school - bullied for being a bit of a misfit. Doesn't deal well with conflict, criticism or sudden change. Stickler for "rules".

DD

I have always had a few concerns about dd 8. As a baby she hit all her milestones, she walked at 9 months but was slower to talk. Always lined things up. Used to get very upset in the car if she though I was going the wrong way (different route etc).
She settled well in to full time nursery at three, we moved after her first term in reception and she had no problems starting at her new school. She has never been one of the "in crowd" and has always been happy in her own skin - a bit of an individual. She doesn't follow the crowd.

Transition from KS1 to KS2 was difficult for her - more work and less play. DD is very artistic and would draw and do craft all day. She hates reading and we have had lots of tantrums over reading and homework.
Her pace of work in class was slow and after talking to the school who had EP in to observe dd last year she was put on school action and an IEP drawn up. Strategies were put in place to help her remember what she was supposed to be doing as she has a terrible short term memory and has trouble remembering a sequence of instructions. She has forgotten to put her knickers on, and is always loosing things or leaving them behind.

Recently she has been having major tantrums at home and is saying she doesn't want to go to school - she has a group of friends but not really close. She likes to play "her games" and I think she is likely to be quite bossy - she gets upset / angry if her friends want to do something different.

She hates having her hair washed / brushed and is very fussy about seams on tights socks, lots of things make her itch! She likes to wrap herself up in a soft fleece blanket.

She has always been a collector of objects. Stones, sticks, leaves and general rubbish - she gets very upset / angry if I throw things away. She eats well but only what she likes - roast dinners being her favourite - I have been finding unfinished foods hidden under her bed, half a sandwich etc.

I took her to see a show in the theatre recently and during the show I couldn't tell if she was enjoying it or not - when I asked her at the end if she had enjoyed it she just snapped at me "Isn't it obvious!" err no it wasn't but she then gave it a score of 10 out of 10!!!

My gut feeling is that she is going to need more support the older she gets - I want to start the ball rolling now but I'm sure some people are going to think I'm nuts. She is in year 4 now and not doing well, I don't want to leave it until she gets to year 7 and falls apart!

I would welcome ideas on which approach to take - school or GP ?

I would be asking your GP for a referral to a developmental paediatrician asap (and give him all the details that you have posted here). That route will likely be quicker than going through school.

ASD in girls in many schools often goes unnoticed by staff. They are simply not trained to spot children who have additional needs.

Thanks for that - I think I may have more luck with GP than school. I'm new to this as it was obvious with ds and his dx was easy.

I am having similar issues with my DD who is 8. Her brother has ASD, my partner has AS traits and I have AS myself. DS's autism was obvious, but DD, she is doing very well academically at school, but is bossy and controlling with friends, does no imaginative play, watches/reads harry potter over and over again, steals food from the kitchen to mix up potions. Even the Ed Psych said she thought DD may have Asperger's (after I described her behaviour in relation to her brother, but said not to take it any further as there were no issues at school

GP says there is nothing wrong and won't refer her

I feel for you - it's so frustrating!

I've just found out that the ASD pathway in my area is school based referral - and the option is there for it to go through as a parent based referral if school do not agree / see an issue. I'm going to request a meeting with the SENCO and with or without her help I will be taking this forward.

One of the teachers who used to work in my sons special school has recently left to work on the ASD team. I just phoned her to ask for some advice on the asd pathway and found out she is the one who will receive the referral from school! That gives me a bit of hope in the system because even if school don't see a problem I know that the person looking at the referral really knows her stuff and will listen to what I am saying.

Deffo get a referral sent off. She sounds very much like my 8 yo dd2 who is awaiting assessment on NHS.

I've spoken with the head and she is going to set up a meeting with the senco, so far the school seem to be onside and I'm hoping to keep it that way.

Update

Just had a meeting with the SENCO - she listened and made all the right noises. She wants to refer dd for a speech and language assessment in the first instance and seemed to be onside, time will tell............