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SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

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Original poster

autistic son gone to uni

18 replies

givemewings3 · 02/10/2013 10:09

Everything I could have wished for but I can't stop crying!!
I wasn't prepared for this sadness and sense of loss.
I imagined travelling
to see him to organise/reassure/comfort him as I always have done. I didn't prepare for the fact that the same determination that got him to uni would make him determined to be so independent.
I feel so anxious! I imagine things going wrong and him being unable to ask for help and unaware that he is not coping.
I know these are my issues..I feel so silly...

OP posts:

salondon · 02/10/2013 10:46

You gave him wings!!! Congratulations..

magimedi · 02/10/2013 11:05

I saw this on active threads & have to reply.

I haven't got a son with SN & mine is now a married adult, but I remember feeling devastated when he left for uni. It's perfectly natural to have a weep. You are not silly.

And well done to you - you should be very proud of what you & he have achieved.

PassAFist · 02/10/2013 11:14

Wow OP, you have done a fabulous job there!

My ASD son is currently 11, I can't imagine him being able to leave and cope OK at Uni. I would be just as stressed and worried as you if he were away from me.

Is he relatively close to you so that you could pop over one evening if he was feeling a bit overwhelmed?

PolterGoose · 02/10/2013 11:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TOWIELA · 02/10/2013 11:58

Honk honk OP. Well done you! My dyslexic DD1 went to college 4 years ago - I was devastated when she left home. But over the years I've seen her spread her wings and fly and I am so proud of her.

Be proud of yourself and all that you've achieved for him.

sammythemummy · 02/10/2013 12:23

Well done to him!! I think regardless of SN/age, a mother will always worry

Ineedmorepatience · 02/10/2013 12:54

Yay, you should give yourself and him a pat on the back.

This gives me great hope for Dd3, at the moment we are struggling to get our heads around secondary transfer!!

I hope he does really well

NoHaudinMaWheest · 02/10/2013 12:56

Of course you will worry. And your fears are not unrealistic. But you have both jumped so many hurdles to get this far and you will cope with whatever comes up next.
My Ds with ASD and other issues has just started A levels. I hope in a couple of years I will be in your position but at the moment it seems unimaginable.

pannetone · 02/10/2013 14:28

givemewings my HFA DS2 went off to uni just over a fortnight ago. DS1 (NT) is already at uni but I have found it much more difficult to let DS2 go. (And it's not empty nest syndrome - I still have DS3 and DD at home!)

It has been a rough journey to get DS2 to uni - including a 3 year sixth form and a disability discrimination case against his School that we won. And because of DS2's autism (plus a tribunal case!) I have needed to do so much more for DS2 than DS1. I thought I'd probably remain more involved than I am - DS is only an hour's journey away but he doesn't want visits - yet anyway. He is not much good at texting/ringing/Skyping - too much focus on having a conversation rather that just being with family as he was at home.

It is a real mix of feelings - I'm pleased that DS2 is taking steps towards greater independence (living away at uni being a big one!) but, as you say, worried that he won't ask for help when he needs it and worried that no one will spot it if he is struggling. And for the first time I'm not officially involved in DS's support - he decided that he didn't want to give the uni permission to contact me directly if they had concerns, and I can't contact them to ask how he is doing.

I don't know how long your DS has been gone, but each week I am finding it a bit easier and trying to look for the positives: DS is still there (and hasn't come home!), he is eating (though not a particularly balanced diet), he knows his flatmates' names (though hasn't really socialised with them) and he has started the term going to lectures!

If you read the threads on Higher Education so many parents find hteir DC going off to uni 'unsettling' - no wonder it can be even harder for those of us with children with special needs. So you are certainly not silly!

frizzcat · 02/10/2013 14:50

Brilliant OP, it's fantastic that your ds has achieved so much already and that he has such a fantastic mum to get him there. This is everything that I hope for, for my ds. I also know that if I get there I will be exactly like you so I'm utterly useless at advising you on that part, just wanted to acknowledge what an amazing job you've obviously done

bigbluebus · 02/10/2013 15:57

I hope that in a couple of years time I will be coming on here for support and positive stories from some of you.
DS (HF ASD) has just started 6th form and has ambitions of going to Uni. The nearest ones are at least an hour away - but I think he is planning on going further afield than that . I'm really not sure how he will cope away from home. He doesn't go out much by himself now.
I'm worrying enough now as he usually comes home early on a Wed as he has a study period last lesson - but he hasn't turned up yet and there has been no contact to say the bus was late/didn't turn up. Just hoping
he arrives home in next 10 mins which would be his normal home time.

How on earth am I going to cope when he goes away.

cardboardcactus · 02/10/2013 21:45

Gosh OP, huge congratulations for getting your son to this point! I'm way off that (if it ever happens) as DS (also asd) is only 9, but I can imagine already the wrench it must be. I know from friends how tough it is even with NT kids, but we are much more intimately involved in so many aspects of our dc's lives, and so constantly watchful, that it must be much more difficult. It's a HUGE transition for you. Be very, very kind to yourself. And give yourself plenty of pats on the back too

cardboardcactus · 02/10/2013 21:45

Oops sorry for posting twice!

Original poster

givemewings3 · 03/10/2013 14:59

Thank you all for your kind and understanding comments x

OP posts:

Pawprint · 03/10/2013 16:38

Ah bless him. I hope it all goes well for him. It must be a big sense of loss when your child leaves to go to uni etc, esp if they have additional needs.

elliejjtiny · 04/10/2013 20:23

Well done to you and your DS. My DH has AS and he and I met at uni 12 years ago.

2boysnamedR · 04/10/2013 21:01

Well done for both of you. A independent life for our kids is the ultimate goal. Getting there I imagine was hard and maybe a shock. But it is a good shock. It's the first step and every journey has to start somewhere. I can imagine if it was my ds I would be very worried even if had only moved a mile away. Keep your faith in him. That faith you have alway had it would be ok - you worked hard for it I have have no doubt.

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