secondary school worries

[reallyconfusedmum]

my daughter started secondary school in September with a newly in place statement, After a lot of toing and froing in the first few weeks she has now got support in most of her lessons...the problem is the homework all her teachers know that they are meant to write her homework in her planner at the end of the lesson but they are not and my daughter has not got the confidence to ask, (she also has a time out card for lessons which means she can show it to the teacher if she is feeling overwhelmed during lessons she can show that and leave but with this also she hasnt got the confidence to use it.)
when she does get home to sit and do her homework when she has written the task herself she has no clue what she has written and my husband and i have to figure out what she has written, which isnt always a easy task....once we have worked it out we then have to sit and help her (do it for her more often than not). Else we have a meltdown that is of epic proportions.
Sorry forgot to say that she is also in the process of being assessed to see if she has asd as she has been treated for anxiety stress and depression for the last year and half.
I dont know weather i need to go back into school to let them know what is going on as the last time i spoke about homework i was told that she just had to try her best and send that in the problem with that is that she is a perfectionist who would go into meltdown if she thought she had not done something right or that she had not done enough.
The head from her primary school once wrote that she thought my daughter would not cope in a mainstream secondary school and me being bloody minded decided that i would prove her wrong, now im starting to think this maybe the case as she is really struggling not only with the work but also with the social interaction as she never seems to have any friends of her own the only people that she talks about are friends of my elder daughter that she sees at lunch and break.
Sorry for the rambling been thinking about writing a post on here for days but wasn't really sure what i was asking in fact im still not sure i just know that at the moment it is breaking my heart to take her into school everyday when i know she is not enjoying it at all

Maybe ask the school to email you her homework? My 2 ds's one yr7 and one yr 12 have a code on there timetable so we can look online to check what has been set by each teacher. The problem with your dd2 interacting with dd1 and her friends is that when dd1 leaves school, that safety net of friends will disappear. As this is what happened to my ds2 when ds1 went to secondary school, he really struggled for quite a while and can remember dragging him in to school occasionally. Hoping dd2 makes some friends of her own, maybe ask the school if she has made any friends.

Thank you have just emailed school to ask about homework and have asked for a appointment to go in and see them. x

Hi, my ds also struggles with this, does your dd have a helper or a helper in the class that can write in the homework?.
Also find out if they do lunchtime clubs , sometimes the other students who might be struggling go to these aswell.
It is hard , my ds is only just speaking to some children in his new class now since sept, I think sometimes the making friends just takes time but the school should help with this.