Is this a reasonable thing to request?

[Sahkoora]

DS (5) has ASD and big problems at school at the moment. He's been on a reduced timetable for most of the year, and things have deteriorated quite badly since the start of term, at home as well.

It's got to the stage where he's had to be dragged in kicking and swearing every day.

Last week I had a home visit from the specialist teacher and we had a really good talk about this, as obviously it's horribly distressing to go through this every day. She said, quite rightly, that dragging him in is a bad policy, as we need to be teaching him coping strategies, and in a couple of years, we just won't be able to do it physically any more.

She said she would phone school to see if there was somewhere else we could take DS in, maybe have a neutral hand-over area. At the moment, I drop him off round the back near the bins, he gets dragged in and they bolt the doors behind him.

Unfortunately, school have interpreted this to mean they aren't allowed to touch him any more, but they expect me or DH to drag him in for them. I find that as soon as we get there, we are under enormous pressure to get him in, and pressure of course makes DS 20x more panicky and stressed and uncooperative.

Yesterday I went along with it, trying to talk to DS calmly and get him to talk, the way I would at home, but his 1:1 just kept saying "Come on, it's time to go inside now" and starting the stress all over again. So I gave in and dragged him in for her.

As I was walking away, I heard her REALLY yelling at DS. Clearly, he had just hit her. I didn't know whether to go back and get him, but I didn't. Later in his communication book, it transpired that he had been made to sit in the HT's office "until he was prepared to apologise".

Of course, what happened was that in the quiet of the HT's office, DS calmed down and got rid of all the adrenalin, and then was ready for his day. The 1:1 is chalking this up as a victory for discipline.

Today, I have decided that DS will go into school when he is ready, and not before. It's taking him ages to calm down after his daily meltdown, so why not use that time to get him inside in a more constructive way? Is it reasonable to ask this?

Also, I am getting concerned that their main focus is to get DS to follow an adult-led agenda, rather than actually educating him. He keeps saying he doesn't want to go in because the things he does with his 1:1 are boring. The tasks they are currently offering him on his First and Then board are all very childish, such as playdoh or sand and water. DS is a capable and clever boy, he just finds the classroom setting a challenge. At home he enjoys factual books and is very knowledgeable about his favourite subjects, trains and London.

Would it be reasonable to ask that his tasks and rewards be a little bit more educational? They let him play Tom Cat on the ipad etc, but he says these things are becoming boring. They are too focussed on things like getting him to sit on the carpet with the other kids and playing sharing games, and these are so simplistic they are just tedious. I agree that these thngs are important, but I think they are becoming counterproductive now.

Oh my goodness, this is so long. I'll stop rabbitting now. Thanks in advance for your help.

a few years ago we had the same problem as you, we had something wrote into ds I,e,p. for him it was talk time, they discussed what was happening during the day he did a timetable for the day. it took 10 mins but it calmed ds down enough to cope,(unless things changed) is it possible to ask school about this, or have 10 mins with a book on his favourite subjects, I would be at ht door demanding coping strategies being wrote into I,e,p

Actually, school have already promised to do this (it's never actually happened, so I had forgotten they had mentioned it), but the problem is getting him through the door at the moment. Even with the talk time, he can't be motivated to let go of me.

Thank you for reminding me of this, I wil try to work this option into one of DS's social stories.

forgot to say the talk time started 10 mins before school started, in quiet classroom, that way there was no playground time, noise,pushing and shoving,etc. if ds 1-1 wasn't able to do this for whatever reason then I went into the classroom with him and did the 10 mins.

ds2 has just started in an ARP. At the moment we (with schools permission) are taking him in late and picking him up early to avoid the crowds. So yes it is a reasonable request. It still took him two hours to get past the foyer on one day as he is so anxious about school but they were prepared to wait until he felt able rather than force the issue.

It sounds like he has 1:1 support all the time?

In which case they can organise his time so he spends some in the class doing playdoh, sand etc (the focus at these times should be not on the sand or playdoh but on social targets) and same activities as other children (carpet time), but also time in 1:1 outside class doing more structured work eg reading, numeracy, language work (if relevant) etc. As they have an ipad there are loads of educational apps they can use.

You need to educate them that the things which are fun and a reward for other children (sand, playdoh) are not rewarding for him. Reading a book about trains is rewarding for him.

Also social play is not play for him, its work. Playtime is often the hardest bit of the day. So he needs other breaks built into his day, which may include what to him is enjoyable and to other children would be considered work!

They should get a box and put in it things he finds rewarding (you can give them some to put in). Then he can do his 5 mins sand play or whatever and get a reward of 5 mins with something out of his box.

Reinforcers (rewards) need to be constantly updated. Poor behaviour can be because the rewards have lost their power so for eg changing the games on the iPad etc.

In terms of sharing games and carpet time it is important he can do these things but I agree you don't want to be working on them to death. They can mix it up with social small groups - DS would go out to the hall with 2-3 other children and do games - often staff would teach him games the other children played in the playground eg duck,duck, goose, tig, whats the time mr wolf so when he went outside he knew what to do and also the other children 'got' that he needed help to join in. He used to do a small group like this every day. We also sent in games like hot potato.

They can also be more imaginative about what games use in class (or you could send some in) so what about top trumps with train cards etc. Or what about sharing a train set (would that be hard for him to share?) Try and find games that tap into his interests.

They need to concentrate on keeping things short and successful. So maybe he does 2 mins on the carpet and then goes out and does 1:1 work. Then 3 mins, 4 etc etc Same with sharing game etc etc. Figure out what he can do and stay successful and start from there. They need to start at the point he is at not what they expect him to be able to do. They need to focus on rewarding good behaviour as that is the way to change his behaviour. So short and simple and loads of praise (or tokens) and very frequent rewards.

In terms of going in to school the staff should practise that several times a day using rewards eg DS has a token board and earns tokens for a reward. So they would walk in with him and give tokens etc for doing it nicely and then he would get reward. And build up slowly eg just walk into class, then along the corridor and into class, then from the playground into class etc etc But practise at different times of day not when you are handing him over. That should be the last stage. And save the favourite reward for this

DS went through phase of not wanting to go in last year and it was all because it had got boring and school were not providing him with anything interesting to do.

Is his language ok? Can he understand what is said in carpet time and process that? DS finds carpet time largely a waste of time so at 4/5 we often used to skip it and use that for 1:1 language work.

Thank you so much for the replies.

Absolutely shaking with rage at the moment, just had an argument with the senco when I went to drop DS off. She , the CT and the 1:1 came out mob handed to meet us, which put DS's anxiety levels through the roof straight away.

She told me to go home immediately. I refused, as I had spent the morning promising DS we would take as long as he needed to feel good about going into school and that he could sit down and have a chat with his 1:1 about how he was feeling bored.

She got really shitty and told him he had precisely five minutes (in a raised voice ) and then went and got a bloody TIMER! I put the timer on its side and we sat and talked with the 1:1 in a calm way for about five minutes. I told her what the specialist teacher had recommended about a neutral handover. She suggested we all go into the library so DS could show me some books he'd like to read.

DS leapt up, went straight into school with a huge grin. Found a book about Earth, said how much he loves Google Earth and they said he could use it on the laptop or ipad. He opened up the book and identified Mars and some satellite dishes (they were all a bit ) and then kissed me goodbye no problems. Took about 15mins total, no one got hit or sworn at (although I felt like it! )

But seriously, I am SO ANGRY. How can a senco know so little about autism? How can she not know that a change in what he is expecting will cause a meltdown? Everyone at the school knows DS will not respond well if he feels pressured, and she comes out shouting at him and trying to be authoritarian?

Got a bad feeling now ...

SENCOs often understand far less about SEN than the other staff, because they have bggr all training but still they feel they should know stuff. So all the effort goes into pretending they know what they're doing, they won't listen to advice as they'll lose face, and whenever theres a crisis they resort to the failed 'ordinary-teacher-strop' techniques.

Bypass her. Deal with the HT and the CT. LSAs are, by and large, trainable and keen

'Of course you know more abt ASd in general than I do, but DS isn't that typical... unlike some dc he needs quiet and enjoys science books

Thank you. I am still at her tbh. She is new this term, last one was a complete chocolate teapot who did precisely no paperwork towards DS's statement bid and I was really hoping to get a better one now.

New one seemed very proactive at first and promised us the earth in terms of setting up social stories and giving DS the flexibility he needs. She agreed readily to all our suggestions about getting DS a buddy but a few weeks down the line, none of this has materialised.

It's the second time she has shouted at DS. The first time I let go because he was being hideous at the time and trying to punch his 1:1, but today, she was just being authoritarian for no good reason.

Very interesting about sencos having bugger-all training. I didn't know that. HOW is that allowed??

Had massive problems with the HT last year, constantly ringing the "DS MUST accept adult authority" bell, it really does seem all they are concerned about.

Seems like they don't care what he does, as long as they have asked him to do it.

I typed out a huge list of DS's interests for the 1:1 today and gave it to her after school. Hope it helps her to engage him a bit more. He has been very settled this evening at home and even did reading and writing today. He said he didn't get sad at all today.

It probably won't work tomorrow, but I'm taking today as a victory!

DS MUST accept adult authority
"oh yes, quite right. He'll need your help to acquire and practice that skill"

Sencos have no training? Really? Have got a meeting with my DD's (also aged 5 OP).

Class teacher says statements are being phased out.

Maybe I'm being precious OP but your sons TA should not be shouting at your son.

New SENCOs have to do a course (not that difficult, not very long) but 'experienced' ones are exempt as apparently they know it all already