Having a little cry about this.

[Sparklysilversequins]

Dd is in year 2. She has HFA and academically is thriving. She doesn't tell me much about school but today was talking about who the other children are friends with. I asked her who her friends were and she said matter of factly "no one likes playing with me, they only like each other".

Now I haven't got to year 2 and not thought about this but she has talked about children in her class so I assumed they were friends but it seems not. She doesn't really get invited to parties and only ever asked for one play date. I don't think her behaviour is problematic as such just that she tries so hard to fit in and conform that she is concentrating on that and so flies under the other kids radars.

Would talking to her teacher help? Like I say dd is so quiet and good at school that they just think she's fine. I have never in all the time she's been there been asked for a "little chat".

I hate thinking of her being sad at school. She told me that when she's there she thinks of me all the time and draws pictures of me in the air iyswim? And spells out Mum to herself, just waiting to come home. I can't bear it .

Any thoughts please?

Do you know other mums in the class....when you pick up, can you ask if their dd would like to play?
Has it always been like this or just this year?
I would definitely have a chat with the teacher.

I just wanted to say, I know what it's like. I've got two academically very able boys with ASD and although one (Y3) has one close friend at school his family don't really like them hanging out together too much outside of school and otherwise he's universally shunned.

The other (Y5) says everyone in his class is his friend but when I talk to him he hasn't played with anyone at any time during lunch, and he never gets invited to parties or playdates unless I get very proactive and ask for him to be invited (as in - we had Johnny over 6 months ago, shall we sort something out for DS1 to go to yours now?).

DS1 reads every lunch so he doesn't have to talk to anyone. Neither is finding school a fun place to go to, it's just something they have to get through until they get home :(

We've hired a lady to help them with social skills now (BCBA certified, ex-SENCo) who is giving them homework like getting them to talk to one person a week just to ask them something. This is, at least, a start and is breaking the ice a little. I think she asked DS1 to ask someone else at school what they do after school, but it's not what they ask, it's just the fact of asking.

I also found a book which is good [[http://www.amazon.co.uk/Raise-Your-Childs-Social-IQ/dp/0966036689/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1380517876&sr=8-1&keywords=social+iq
here]] so we're giving some of that a try
Hope that helps!

Do the other parents know her dx? Have you given the school permission to talk to the other children about HFA and how this makes social things hard for her? Does the school 'train' the peers in how to help her? I find children are much better once they understand and some will go out of the way to include her. The children in DS class have real affection for him, sometimes it strays into mothering / pet territory but hey we will take whatever social interaction is on offer.