Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

Original poster

Thank you to Star, Wet, Keep and others

30 replies

claw2 · 27/09/2013 09:50

Just to say thank you for talking sense, keeping me calm and helping me to sit tight and wait.

Things have really improved in just a week. Ds is almost free from all injuries, this is the first time in years, this has happened while he has been in school Smile His cuts are healing and there are no new scratches. There hasnt been any poo smearing. No coming out of school EVERY day distressed for a few days now either. He seems happier too.

I know this could start again at any time and there will be ups and downs but such a huge relief to see his little body not smothered from head to toe in cuts every single day.

OP posts:
Original poster
claw2 · 27/09/2013 10:01

and how about this for improvement, as you guys know ds is extremely intolerant of others and finds other children trying to be his 'friend' very annoying.

Yesterday, I gave ds some money to go to the shop to get himself a sweet (I wait outside and let him do it himself, again another improvement, he couldn't have done that a few weeks ago) Anyhow he came out and instead of buying himself a sweet, he had spent the money on a sweet for another boy!

Apparently this boy has been 'very kind' to him and 'helped him' by doing things such as letting ds stand in front of him in the lunch line and helping ds get his lunch (ds gets very flustered around food and doesn't know where to stand or what to do and just freezes) and ds wanted to 'thank him' with a packet of skittles!

OP posts:
PolterGoose · 27/09/2013 10:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
claw2 · 27/09/2013 10:34

Thanks Polter that is a good idea, at the moment ds cannot think of any good stuff, but for the last few days hasn't been complaining of the 'worst day ever'. With ds there doesn't seem to be any middle ground, its either 'best day ever' or 'worst day ever', last few days we seemed to have a reached a middle ground, it might not have been the best day, but it wasn't the worst either! so progress, school have been helping by writing some good things in ds's planner (and also acknowledging the bad), which has really helped me and ds to be able to handle 'worst days' better. It has given me something to counteract with! I think ds also feels more listened to at school, where they are acknowledging the bad.

At the moment ds wouldn't tolerate writing anything about school, however this could change by the new year.

OP posts:
PolterGoose · 27/09/2013 10:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
claw2 · 27/09/2013 11:04

Yes Polter exactly ds has this image of his 'pefect' self and how he fails at achieving this. His good is never good enough. This manifests itself as ds being extremely overly compliant and directing his feelings inwards. Then after bottling it up for so long, its like he then explodes, literally after months and months. The time it takes for him to explode has gradually become shorter and shorter over the years. Which is progress really.

So ds is either extremely well behaved and doing everything that is asked or refusing. One extreme to another.

The good thing and the thing im so excited about is that ds doesn't seem to be just slipping back into an overly compliant role and as a result then silently self harms, as he has done for years. He is being compliant and no self harming, even if just for a few days, that's a real breakthrough!

OP posts:
WetAugust · 27/09/2013 11:08

Aw Claw - this is really posiive news. You've waited a long time for it.

He sounds as hough he is srating to settle into the school and has started to make some accquainances. Buying sweets for the boy who helped him is lovely. You may find that friendship develops further.

Fingers crossed for a really good week next week. Wine Cake

KOKOagainandagain · 27/09/2013 11:10

Fantastic news Claw - you have made my day. Smile

I am totally with you on the best or worst day ever. I have an uncontrollable urge to sing particular songs whenever I hear the lyrics used in day to day talk. It is a trigger for this:

KOKOagainandagain · 27/09/2013 11:11

Oops.

Original poster
claw2 · 27/09/2013 11:23

Thanks Wet, I am really hoping this is real progress instead of ds just slipping back into compliant role. After I had to take ds to school in his pj's on Monday, he came out from school really apologetic and feeling 'guilty' being really overly affectionate, apologising for the slightest little thing and being overly helpful to me.

Although the fact his cuts are healing and no new ones, is a really good sign its progress and not just him 'trying to be good' Smile

OP posts:
blueShark · 27/09/2013 11:26

very happy for the positive news and the positive thread claw

Original poster
claw2 · 27/09/2013 11:30

Grin Keep, that is exactly where ds got 'best day ever' from! and
consequently 'worst day ever'. Ds used to be a real Sponge Bob fan and watched it over and over. Until I made the mistake of buying ds a Sponge Bob doll! I used to keep finding him stuffed in a wardrobe or a cupboard and put him back on ds's bed.

Eventually he told me Sponge Bob doll has 'evil' eyes and it gave ds nightmares for months!

OP posts:
StarlightMcKenzie · 27/09/2013 11:34

I think you need to send a note to school about this.

It will really help that you have shown them that you can notice improvements when they happen.

And Claw, none of did this. YOU did it. But I'm so very pleased for you, and your lovely boy.

StarlightMcKenzie · 27/09/2013 11:34

None of US did this.

TOWIELA · 27/09/2013 11:53

Well done big and little claw - fantastic news to round off the week.

My ds never tells me what goes on in his day - he's a totally closed book good or bad. So at bedtime me and DS do 5 good things each that happened during our day. He thinks its a delaying tactic so he doesn't have to go to sleep and I get info out of him - so it's a win win situation Grin. So he tells about what he's eaten for lunch, who he was played with and the lessons he's enjoyed. My 5 things are mainly about nice cups of tea and cake Grin

sweetteamum · 27/09/2013 11:54

That is GREAT news claw. We'll done to you and ds.

Original poster
claw2 · 27/09/2013 12:08

It was really difficult to sit on my hands and zip my mouth, when ds was showing signs of being really distressed. You guys really helped me to get things into perspective.

Done that already Star, I list improvements in ds's behaviour/contact book as well. School seem to got the hang of it too now (and I kept my mouth shut and didn't say anything!)

They are writing that ds struggled with x, y and z (along with some positives). I think this has really helped ds, they are acknowledging yes you did struggle with this, rather than the just don't be so silly attitude.

Acknowledging ds's feelings, but moving on is what I do at home and seems to work best with ds.

OP posts:
Original poster
claw2 · 27/09/2013 12:22

Towiella, ds usually comes straight out of school, looking sad or crying and then tells me 'worst day ever' because of x, y, z. I am then not allowed to ask questions or comment on it at all or even talk at all to ds on the way home or for a few hours after!

Later on in the evening, I look in his book for some positives and have a chat with ds about the good things, this is usually meet with 'I don't want to talk about it, you/they don't understand'

Now I can say 'oh yes Mr X said you did struggle a bit with x,y,z (what ds has already told me about) I can see why you would be upset. He also says you were playing with X today, what did you play etc'

Ds will then tell me about what he played etc.

We do have an half hour chat at bedtime, but avoid any mention of school. This time is spent with ds being allowed to talk at me, ask random questions etc, all the stuff that usually delays bedtime with ds keep coming downstairs etc. Then some visualisation and relaxation techs.

OP posts:
inappropriatelyemployed · 27/09/2013 14:18

Fab, Claw, uttterly fab news!!! Grin

Ineedmorepatience · 27/09/2013 16:45

Yay !! Great news claw Grin

2old2beamum · 27/09/2013 16:54

Well done Claw, saw your previous thread but could not offer any help.
Am so pleased for you. Grin
Its Friday Wine for you

Flappingandflying · 27/09/2013 17:13

Well done the Claws! Cheered me up as am having a down day here.

fightingthela · 27/09/2013 17:45

Great news Claw Smile and a big thank you to you!
You helped me a lot 2-3 years ago and e-mailed me some really helpful info when I was trying to get a statement. I got the sm but was Sad that you had such a struggle to get yours.
Glad to see that your ds is finally in a better place.
I had a review meeting at my ds's indi school today and the difference in approach from ms is incredible. The staff understood the difficulties, spoke about all the positives, have loads of ideas to help - it's just a different world.
Hope your ds continues to be happy and make progress at his new school.

tacal · 27/09/2013 18:28

That is such good news Claw!!

AgnesDiPesto · 27/09/2013 18:41

Grin well done to both of you

NotNewHereAlias · 27/09/2013 21:11
Grin

Specific-eliminate self harm
Measurable-skin will be free from new deliberate injuries
Achievable-well it must be, it's happened
Relevant-was health&safety top priority
Time limited-after 4w of school

Think its appropriate to reverse star's catchphrase for once:
"Outcomes are not meetings!"