I need a bit of help...

[PrinceRogersNelson]

I could really do with some help and tips with how to handle/change DD's behaviour.

She is 4.8, with dyspraxia and verbal dyspraxia. She started at school about 3 weeks ago.

She seems to be coping quite well at school. No behaviour problems. She is getting support in the classroom. She is unfortunately wetting herself most days and y'day she pood herself.

She is obviously finding it hard, but is coping at school.

As soon as she is with me, her Dad or brother it all goes to shit.

She is shouting, screaming, hitting out. It is awful and depressing and is really affecting us all.

We stay calm and remove her if it gets really bad, but as soon as we speak to her/ask her to do something/ tell her she needs to get dressed she reacts in this way.

I just don't know how to stop the cycle. I don't really want to punish her as such as I know this is because of school and this is the fall out.

But it is not OK that my DS is being hit and shouted at by his sister.
And actually it's not OK that I am being shouted at (she doesn't hit us).

She needs to know that this behaviour is not acceptable, but I don't know how to make that clear with out escalating the situation and turing things in to a 'battle'.

Thanks

Yep agree with Polter, after school ds really needs to wind down or even on the way to school ds needs to prepare himself for what he knows will be a stressful day.

Before school, you cannot talk to ds, he gets very frustrated if you do. In the car we have to have some music on, but NO talking or singing along to the music. He is the same on the way home. He is really hyper sensitive to noise when stressed.

By no talking, I mean only give instructions. Ds doesn't want to answer questions, although he can talk to me, its more telling me facts about his day, but I am not allowed to ask questions or comment, I just have to listen!

Once home, he changes straight out of his uniform and into pj's, again really hyper sensitive to clothes when stressed.

He sits in the kitchen with crisps and a drink, but no talking or noise. He watches youtube videos and put his head phones on.

Then up to his room, plays x-box or lining up Moshi Monsters.

He is back to his normal self usually by dinner time.

Thank you both.

We are going to have a dividing day tomorrow. I'll take DS and DD will stay with her dad. Should help give her some down time.

In other news, I heard toddy that they have agreed to assess for a statement so that's good news.

Totally agree about the down time. In our house it's toast, scooby doo and back out of the door slowly, no sudden moves!! He loves playing with his toys too so really until Teatime we see or speak very little too him.

Actually when I think about we did similar with our nt son. They're young and tired after school at the best of the times.

Ok. Today I will allow her to do whatever she wants when she comes home. Which will probably be tv. I feel bad though. It's the only time of the day I get to see her and I feel I should be doing things. However I suppose she is doing things at school and needs some time to not do anything.

I find with ds during the week/school days, he doesn't want much time with me or wants to be with me ie in the same room but doing his own thing. We have 'us' time for half and hour before bed. Also weekends, he wants to interact more.

Maybe you could watch some TV with her? Ds enjoys me sitting there watching him play x-box (boring as hell!) but at least im spending a bit of time with him.

Polter have you ever tried joining in and playing, that's worse! I might as well not have the controller in my hand, as ds directs my every move and 'follow me'! and god help me if his character 'dies', its obviously my fault!

Ds has given up on asking me to do the bits he cant do, I have less luck than him! He is very good at repeating back to me what I say to him 'well done for trying' when i fail, although the look on his face tells me he really wants to scream at me and throw the controller!

Although if I don't follow his instructions exactly when playing 2 players, he gets very frustrated at me and switches it off!

He prefers me to just sit and watch, so he can give me a running commentary, I prefer it to, far less stressful for me!

Yes apologises Prince

This is making me laugh Polter yes, yes, yes the questioning and the names no one else can pronounce but ds!

We had a visitor (someone from here actually!) and ds was waffling on about Minecraft, the names etc, etc and I feared my guest would be falling to sleep unless I interrupted 'ds I really don't know or understand this much about Minecraft' ds replied 'you wouldn't, im using long words'!

It comes across as ds being really patronising, however ds often says to me 'mum, I don't understand you are using long words' he was trying to say yes long words are confusing for me sometimes too!