having a child with special needs

[musa]

Did it put you off, of having a second child. And did your second child have special needs to.

Hi there!
Anyone out there can relate to my situation?
My eldest child is almost 18 and he is severely brain damaged with massive behaviour problems,double incontinence,fits,etc
He has caused nearly £1000 worth of damage in the house in the summer holidays.We try to get out and about with with but he is so violent and unpredictable it is proving impossible.I work full-time,my husband was diagnosed with a brain tumour 3 years ago but is doing OK after a lot of surgery and complications.
This is the first time I have written to mumsnet,I dont understand a lot of abbreviations you use. Any messages would ease the isolation I am sure. Heres hoping,time4m4

nope - my first child has down syndrome and a congenital heart defect ( now repaired due to surgery) and we never intended for her to be an only. She now has a sister - 2 yrs and 4 months younger than her and another sibling due next Mar.

Despite their being a soft marker for down syndrome with dd2 - she is NT.

That is despite the general risk of having another child with ds 1 in 100 as I already have dd1.

IN fact due to dh having a congenital heart defect and another heart condition - we actually have a greater chance of dd2 and this babe having some heart defect than down syndrome or some other chromosomal disorder.

oops already answered this thread - see my heart defect info has been changed after speaking with dd1's cardiologist.

I know that something was 'wrong' with DS from 7 months old. I fell pregnant with DD1 in oct 1999, Ds was diagnosed with CP in May 2000, DD1 was born in june 2000, so it was taken out of my hands, as it where. I then fell pregnant (surprise baby) in feb 2001, and the hospital diagnosed DD1 with CP in July 2001, so once I again it was taken out of my hands.
We have been to a genitic clinic but it was found not to be genitic, but we have decided not to have anymore because I can;t carry a baby to term (all 3 born premature, 36, 31, 33 weekers) and there is always a chance with premature babies that they will develope CP.

Time4me ~ start a new thread and you will get more replies

Be nice for you to introduce yourself.

Welcome to mumsnet

Was going to say you obviously have a lot on your plate. Do you have any respite for your son?

Hello Musa!
DS is now 19 months, and I am pregnant. So, no, his problem didn't put us off having more. I don't know how I would have felt if it was a genetic problem though.
I have to say though, that I have had my moments of worry, wondering if all will be fine this time round. But I think I tend to see the glass half full rather than half empty, so I feel really hopefull and can't wait to meet the new baby.
I couldn't bear the thought of DS being alone without a sibling.
What I would advice to any person planning a baby is to prepare their body 6 months in advance! (sorry, maybe sounds like to much time?) Not tuna, take vitamins, etc, etc..., in other words, follow all the known advice out there not only during the pregnancy but a few months before so that your system is clear and ready.

No, and No! In fact having a second child who is NT (or appears to be) has actually helped me. It has been hard work because of DS1's additional needs but in some stange way has helped me accept DS1 more because everything has happened easily the second time.

Got pregnant with no 2 when ds1 was 2 and didn't know he was autistic then. It only became more apparent in his 3rd year. dd doesn't have special needs. It wouldn't have put me off though. As for our 3rd child, well I was more concerned about the extra work than anything else although I did think about no 3 being a boy and maybe he could be autistic too. He did turn out to be a boy but even from birth he was totally different from his brother.

Good luck with your decision.

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