HT threatening "consequences" for DS' meltdowns

[Jacksterbear]

I was called in to see HT at pick-up time today. DS had kicked his CT while having a meltdown. . (Background: DS is 6, in Y2, has dx'd SPD and anxiety and under assessment for ASD/PDA; has just started OT and has part-time 1:1 support amongst other support measures at school. His anxiety levels since the start of term have been through the roof and he's been having multiple meltdowns most days but this is first time he's lashed out at anyone in school).

We have not really dealt with HT before (been dealing with senco who is also the DHT, and his CT and TA). Obviously the kicking of his CT has triggered HT involvement.

So HT said during our conversation that he thought there needed to be "consequences" for DS' behaviour. It has previously always been understood that there are no "punishments" as DS' behaviour is not within his control and is a result of his anxiety rather than naughtiness. HT said he had told DS (while DS was screaming and repeatedly banging his own head fgs) that he would have to make up every minute of missed class time while he was dcreaming by doing the work another time, after school if necessary.

I was too upset to respond to this at the time, but am now horrified by the implications of this. It could not be a worse decision IMO. It will not teach him right from wrong -he already knows this. It won't act as a deterrent - when DS goes into meltdown mode he loses all sense of reason. It will only serve to make him more and more anxious about being punished, instead of reducing his anxiety. School is already torture enough for him. And it certainly won't foster a love of learning in him, effectively using "learning" as a punishment .

Right so what now? Obviously I need to go back and talk to HT, to explain rationally why I think he's wrong. And get the Senco on side if I can. What else? Who else can I get to back me up? I can ask his OT, although I'm not really sure that's her remit? And what if he won't back down? Can I remove DS from school? On what grounds? And what happens then?

Sorry for rambling (again, I seem to do a lot of that on here!) - am furious, horrified and worried sick.

Also I refused to sign the school behaviour policy as it was not relevant to DS esp the punishments. It said things like children must say please and thank you - DS still can't say please and thank you those being social words and him not using speech for social purposes! So it is ok to say their behaviour policy is not appropriate and your DS should have an individual behaviour plan instead

Thank you Agnes that's really useful advice.

One of ds' biggest problems is that he "loses it" too quickly to be able to see it coming / do anything before it hits him, at the moment. So things like his safe place at school aren't working for him. Everyone agrees that we need to work on that but I'm not sure how at the moment!

Update: major back-tracking from the school after I and OT both explained how counter-productive we thought any kind of punishments etc would be at this stage. They are going to focus instead on implementing the sensory diet stuff the OT is recommending (lots of sensory input exercises needed throughout the day to address vestibular and proprioceptive problems, plus a range of equipment - fiddle toys, wobbly cushion, etc, throughout the day). And work with him on recognising his own moods and emotions and using flash cards to express these/remove himself to a quiet space etc.

All good, and positive, for the moment.

Thank you again, all, for the advice, which helped me voice my concerns to the school!

Let us hope they have really listened to you and the OT this time around. They may well do this for the rest of the school year (Great!) BUT there is no guarantee that this will continue come the following school year.

Next year will be Y3 and thus Junior School. If his additional needs continue to be not fully met you and DS will have real problems there as well.

On that basis I would still urge you to apply for the statement from the LEA asap.

On that basis I would still urge you to apply for the statement from the LEA asap
Definitely. Now would be a good time as you have the OT's recommendations for daily support. Get it in writing.