A new thread to avoid hijacking Claw's - That urge to pull them out of school

[lougle]

I have it hugely with DD2.

Today DD3 found a frog and DD2 said 'Mummy do we have a book about frogs because I want to know what's inside a frog but I can't see inside its head or its tummy?....' So, I quickly googled a picture of a frog's anatomy and printed it out for her. A few minutes later she came back with the picture and she'd written 'The frog - tongue, eyes, feet' on the top.

Then, she came to me about half-an-hour later and whispered 'Mummy, do you have a picture of a chicken like the frog one with the picture of the things that might be inside its head and its tummy?'

She was more animated about this than I've ever seen her about school...

That's sweet. Has school inspired this? Sorry, is that what you're saying? Great when you find the right place.

Such a personal thing, I think. I know dd2 would resist and become avoidant, resulting in a standoff and dd2 would learn little. Plus, on a selfish level I love my work and need to pay the mortgage particularly as inept dh is now out of the equation and I'm a single Mum

Lots of factors to consider. But I do know what you mean.

I don't know what I'm thinking. I look at her and think: how is any school going to 'get' her when the teacher has 26 other children, some of whom will be very much more 'obvious' in their needs? How are they going to realise that she is drowning, when she sits quietly, nods and smiles?

I worry that soon the children will be bigger, they'll stop accomodating the 'odd child' and whilst now she says 'I don't seem to find many friends to play with in break time' she will then say 'nobody likes me. I don't have any friends.'

I worry that they'll finally realise her needs when she gets to Secondary school and it will be too late.

I worry that nothing I do - school or home educate - will 'fix' her.

I would love to Unschool Dd3 and she would love it too but sadly we are not in a financial position to do it at the moment.

I am taking action though by retraining incase it all goes pear shaped next year when she moves to secondary. I will be able to work in the evenings hopefully.

No, inappropriately, nothing to do with school. Her school is good. That's the thing. I know it's a good school. That doesn't mean that every child is going to thrive though, does it?

Right there with you lougle.

"I worry that nothing I do - school or home educate - will 'fix' her." I often worry like this over DS.

As a single mum with a useless ex who has opted out of parenting though I can't see how I would manage home schooling practically, emotionally, or financially!

Dd3 is in an amazing school, we were so lucky to find it....but they still dont get it right all the time and they have particularly cocked up her transition this year. Meaning she has gone into school refusal mode

That is in a really good small primary, what on earth is going to happen to her in a massive secondary

I will keep homeschooling or unschooling as she would prefer on the back burner for now but never say never!

Hmm....

As an adult I think a job where she has a clear directive and a clear success criteria. I think she's quite clever, she just needs an instruction manual for everything. Algorithms, I think she'd get. Flow charts. Processes. I don't think she'd do well in self-direction roles.

Uni....I think she could do it. I just think she will be swallowed up by being one of 30, etc. I actually wonder if she'd do better in evening classes for A-levels etc., where the classes are smaller. But, I'm projecting massively. She's 6.

Resources. I'm not sure. Honestly. I'm not sure if we could fulfil her needs. Having said that, I'm not sure school will.

The trouble is, DD2 can't tell me what she's feeling. The only thing she can say is that she doesn't like school because 'they make her wander around a lot'.

No. Certainly not miserable. I think. Nothing like she was at the other school. She walks into school confidently; she tells me about school afterwards happily.

But I do notice that she hits/pinches/slaps her sisters more in the evenings after school. Saturdays aren't fantastic and by Sunday she seems to hit less.

I see her talking to other children. She describes them as her friends, but on the school trip I went on she got tearful and said she didn't know how to join in. That could have been that I was there, though.

Oh yes, I'm totally with you on this, the thing about being lost in a class of 30 children.

DS has been in Reception for less than 2 weeks and refused to go in on Friday, but his teacher keeps telling me he's fine at school. What she means, of course, is that he's not being disruptive or causing them any trouble. He's an absolute wreck at home.

We were keeping home educating as a fall-back plan for Secondary, but if things carry on like this it'll be happening a lot sooner than that.

I'm not overly sure, tbh. That would be my worry. There were 5 places in Y1 when I moved her, but no places in any other year as they were all 1-3 spaces over.

I think perhaps I need to give her the whole of year 2 to see how she copes with the whole school year, unless everything goes drastically wrong again. She had the whole of YR in the last school, but then Y1 was a disaster and she switched in late January, so has only had 1 full term at the new school, in reality.

I'm sure she'll be ok...it's just that niggle. I never want to look back and see that I failed her. I won't do it. I can't do it.

Its a tough one isn't it Lougle. When I listen to school tell me that ds is happy there etc, I think YES school is the place for him.

Then he comes home and does what he does. This has been going on since he started school 4 years ago.

Seems CAMHS and such like think I should just accept it, this is how he deals with stress, its been going on for years, this is as good as it gets, just keep sending him, until he finds it unbearable. Then deal with it.

Some days I think to myself, am I doing the right thing, has this just all become so normal to me where I have been dealing with it on a daily basis for 4 years. I should be shocked, I should outraged. Is this the future for ds, is it something that he will never overcome, no matter what. Will he never be able to participate in 'life', is the only option for him to become a recluse.

Then I stop again and think take one day at a time. All I want is for ds to be happy and im really not sure how I achieve that anymore, for now anyhow.

Although the duty CAMHS worker did phone me back today and said that if I feel it gets to the point of unbearable for ds, then reducing his hours would be a good idea, as maybe we have tried to achieve too much too quickly. So it is nice to know that I do have a bit of support

So DD1's Monday carer was here today...being a Monday .

I mentioned my dilemmas and she told me something:

Her Grand daughter went to this school until last month. She's relocated. She's 9. She told her Granny (DD1's carer) that DD2 is always sitting on the 'friendship bench' at school. That she doesn't fit in with the other kids. That she doesn't know how to join in and that she doesn't know how to play. She said that she was the only one who would go to DD2 and talk to her.

I asked DD2 about the friendship bench and she said 'yes, it's a bench you can sit on if you don't know who to play with.' I said 'do you ever sit there?' she said 'Yeah' and skipped away.

She said today was 'schooltastic.' She didn't have break time today because she did singing club.

It made me feel sick. I had no idea she's been sitting on the FB.

On another note she told the carer today that she did 'interceting' last week. When I asked her what she said, she said 'interceting'.

I said 'tell me the sentence....'

She said 'in ter cet ting'.

I said 'nooo tell me the sentence you used it in.'

She said 'MUM, you know. I was interceting last week. I went down to get them.'

I suddenly had a brain wave and said 'do you mean diving? She said 'Yesssss' as if I am the slowest brained person on the earth

Thank you for this thread.

My lovely boy (8), mildly ASD, is coming home visibly more tense and stimmy than over the summer. He just needs to play sports and learn at his own pace. I go round the houses all the time with this question.

I cannot physically HE because I'm unwell ATM, but when I am better I want to consider it more carefully.

My dad (6) is not ASD but she is extreeeemely sensitive and anxious, and getting more anxious again after a good summer. She just wants to play imaginary games and learn at her own pace...

Sometimes school is fine. But....I can't believe it should wear them out emotionally like this. .

Also, lougle, my son once told me that he spent a whole lunchtime on the FB. I mentioned it to his teacher who said that all 27 children had told her they spent the whole play on the FB. It is 1m long .

It's all helpful, thank you. It's possible she's processing.

We don't do playdates right now. The week is packed and they're all so tired. We just don't have the capacity. They do play with next door's children.

She had the chance to do tennis, which she did last term and seemed to enjoy, but she was adamant that she wasn't doing it this term.

She has joined singing club after finding out another girl had signed up, so that's fantastic. She's also doing boardgames club.