Books to explain my ASD DS (4) to my NT and understandably frustrated DD (7) please

[DidAnyoneFeedTheFish]

DS (4) was dx with AS about 3 months ago.

My DD (7) finds it incredibly hard to understand why he behaves the way he does and to tolerate his quirks, and of course, the meltdowns. We recently had a long chat where I tried to explain AS in very basic terms to DD and she was very understanding, saying she now understands why DS often reacts differently and that she will try to be more tolerant of him. She then said she thinks he might be the same as two children in her class (who have autism though she doesn't know this) and the older sister in the Jaqueline Wilson book Sleepovers, so I think she has a pretty good understanding of what I said. However, she obviously still finds dealing with the dynamics of our family very challenging and can (at times) be very unpleasant towards DS, although in all other respects she is absolutely wonderful!

She asked if could find some more books about children who have brothers or sisters with autism - I think she really related to the challenges and the affection between the two sisters in Sleepovers. I know there are the Aspergers Adventure series but they look a little old for her.

Does anyone know of anything appropriate for a confident 7yr old reader? She is currently working her way through everything Enid Blyton ever wrote (well, that's what it feels like),and happily read Gangsta Granny and the Butterfly Lion recently (to give you an idea of her reading capability).

Any suggestions would be very gratefully received!

Thanks polter It was Kathy Hoopmann I was talking about. I'll give those a go

Thank you zzzzz

That sounds like another good strategy.

By the way, have posted with various queries over the last few years (have name changed a few times), and in varying states of desperation, and have always found your replies, polter and zzzzz very helpful and supportive, so a big, heartfelt, thanks from me!

www.autism.org.uk/products/core-nas-publications/my-brother-is-different.aspx

it is aimed at younger children but still good. might be worth just letting her loose on the NAS website.

meeting other autistic kids and their siblings. we have a local charity where families with children with sn get out together for holiday activities and trips. that has helped.

sibling groups may help too

Thanks paper

Have been looking out for local siblings groups/courses for me to help her, but haven't found anything so far. And have asked various organisations for similar, but nothing has happened so far.

Do really think it would help her. She is such a lovely girl most of the time, but clearly struggles to deal appropriately with her brother -in more than a usual-sibling-rivalry way. She can be very caring and loving towards her brother, but also becomes extremely frustrated at times. My younger DS (2) adores both DD and DS1 - I guess as he is the youngest, DS (and DD) is all he's ever known - and there are times when he can talk DS1 out of a meltdown when I cannot see a way forward (hooray for DS2!!)

Funnily enough, DD's best friend (and 3 out of 4 of her other close school friends) are HFA, although she is not aware of this.

sibling groups- talk to your school PIC "parent information co-ordinator" we call them. DD's referral went through the school nursing team accessible through the Pic. Hasn't appealed to dd but I know others it has helped.

better than books is talking about what the SN means to both siblings. how dd2 experiences her world and the difficult bits in it, and actually the same for DD 1.

partly it's important to work out what bits are causing resentment/confusion. maybe worth tackling it the other way round and try to get dd to write a "story" or diary

it helped talking to grownups with siblings and realising just how much neurotypical sibs fight.

I don't know why but dd has really been helped by "two wishes and a prayer". so " tell me two things that have been good today with your sister" and one thing t could have gone better" opens the discussion positively, leaves options for discussing what went well, why, what so dd needs to do/others need to do to make it work. I also use this on days out so dd feels her feelings and wants aren't being met. it woll be a good day if o get to do ...... and..... it will be an excellent day if I do this.... Everyone including adults do this in the morning/day before. of course you go hell for leather trying to do the two things but that demonstrates you care and whatever else happens your try to sort things

Did think of asking the SENCO.

The learning support mentor is amazing and I know she has done support work with other siblings in the past that has been very effective.

We do talk about how each member of the family is individual and how DS has things he finds very easy but also things he finds extremely difficult so he needs support or approaches things in a certain way; and how DD has specific talents and other things she finds difficult, but this means that she gets to do things she is ready for that DS might not be, but it also brings responsibilities.

Maybe listening more and talking less would be a start...

ultimate i think the best way for kids to understand is to see their adultzdealing and explaining the SN

and ALLLHSVK

gah mistype.

I love the two wishes and a prayer idea. DD is very holy (we're catholic and they're at a catholic school) at the moment, so she'd really engage with the idea of being grateful and asking for help to bring about a positive outcome.

And of course overt demonstrations that she is very important never go amiss!

Ha ha zzzzz Very true!