ASD DD having multiple meltdowns...

[QueenofClean]

Over the most trivial things and really screaming and I feel like i'm going insane.

I need help on how I can help her control her meltdowns and going from 0-10 in less than 30 seconds over everything. She refuses to do as she is told and literally screams and shouts then goes on and on to get things straight in her head once things have calmed down.

What can I do?

Thanks

I have a boy with severe autism and we have used behavioural methods, eg ABA. My basic principle on tantrums is that he never ever gets what he wants by throwing a tantrum. It is "you need to calm down" "you need to sit down", in calm yet utterly firm voice and only once he is quiet does he get to express what he wanted. Otherwise he would learn that: throwing tantrum = getting the outcome I want. I know it is not nearly that simple, but a lot of years of ABA mean he really doesnt tantrum much now - at 10. At his school thry taught him a kind of "hands in lap" calming down thing. I am not sure if something similar might work?

We don't give into her when she has tantrums we do tell her to go to her room or conservatory to calm down and then come back and talk to us. It's just the constant screaming over everything and repeating to get her point across as the red mist is still telling her we are not listening when we are and it's wearing me thin at moment. It got so bad beginning of this year I was diagnosed with stress & anxiety as I just didn't know what to do...couldn't go anywhere without a major meltdown :( and feel we are back in that place. At 8.5yrs old she behaves like more of a toddler than her 20 month old sister and I'm exhausted tbh physically as well as mentally. I just need to know how to get across to her in the nicest possibly way that she needs to get some control over the meltdowns, and how I can help her do that.

Thanks for replying

I would get sn ABA person in to help/advise. There s a yahoo chat room called ABA-uk. Behaviour is what hey specialise in. It is exhausting , poor you!

I will get that book thanks.

I'm mentally drained at moment so everything seems worse than it probably is and it is taking all my energy not to scream and shout back at her :(

I can tell the difference between a tantrum & one of her meltdowns. Ie this morning she picked her baby sister up and was jumping around with her. DH told her not to incase she dropped her. Which DD took in the wrong context. DD went into massive meltdown saying she wants to cuddle and play with her as she loves her loads, if she's not allowed to pick her up/cuddle her/ play with her people are going to think she doesn't love her :( complete panic attack/meltdown.

I think I need to find someone locally who can help teach her control over meltdowns and try and talk about things that cause anxiety or what causes her to go into meltdown. It's like her head only hears one part of the sentence and completely goes off the Richter scale before you've even had chance to finish what you are saying.

So tired :(

Is there a 'need to control' element? Have you read about PDA? I am a total layman.... just a thought..... sounds really exhausting. When my dd2 goes through bad patches (not that often) I find it really gets me down. Have some

A friend has given me a book about PDA, it's next on my reading list , I'm re reading chapters from Raising a sensory smart child.

She does need to learn control over not melting down over every little trivial thing. So will def look into PDA thanks.

AAArrrrggghhh - I really shouted at DD this morning - I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown dealing with her meltdowns and defiance - it's like there is no break between them.

I even had people giving me the look when I was out shopping at the weekend - the bad parent can't control your child look :( - This is why I hate going shopping with my child the embarrassment. Just :(

Defiance is a big thing with her right now...she refuses to do anything she is asked. Won't put stuff away ie her shoes so because she could only find one and couldn't be bothered to look for the other meant we were late to school because it ended up me looking for it and she just sat there. I asked her about 20 mins beforehand to go and get her shoes on but she insisted on watching me get her Little sister ready to go...if she'd of got her shoes on when I first asked and then took the time to find her shoe or put them in the right place in the first instance then none of this morning and me losing my top would of happened. is it okay to cry now?

Reading a book about Pathological demand avoidance syndrome sounds a lot like DD1. Alongside her ASD traits makes perfect sense but how do I deal with that?

Feel like I'm on verge of a breakdown :(

God she sounds hard work. I dont know about PDA, but I do know about stroppy girls (have nf DD plus 2 DSDs) and with them I must admit I use a calm "fine, if you want to be unhelpful, that is up to you, but know that the direct result will be that I tell the teacher exactly why we are late, and you will lose the computer tonight". I do it in a very calm tone, almost bored, and she is mortified at thought of teacher knowing as it is only for me that she behaves badly, she is lovely at school. I also make sure I follow through. I very much feel with her it is about me setting the agenda, not reacting to hers. But this may be usekess for PDA, I dont know.

DD1 does get upset when I say I'll be telling her teacher and writing in her home link book.

Tonight has been very calm tbh she's gone to bed really well. No arguments or anything.

We have a confirmed diagnosis of ASD with social communication difficulties. PDA might not come into it, I know when it's her ASD traits which causes most of the meltdowns but the defiance is causing a lot of problems right now and it might be the fact that her hormones are raging and she is starting puberty (I've noticed her body changing) I just dunno! I'm exhausted tho and love her more than life it's self and it's so upsetting seeing her so angry and de moralised...I don't know what to do to help her.

Greener sorry you are going through the same. Has your DD got any diagnosis' yet?

My DD has been diagnosed with high functioning autism and social communication difficulties. She has a lot of sensory issues. Touch is a big no no. Feel of certain materials on her body. Underwear inc socks & tights have to fit properly or she goes into sensory melt down. Food wise things can't touch on plate...she has to have the same plate every day and food has to be made the same way and same brands she likes as taste and texture sensory processing goes into overload if different. She needs strict structure and routine. If we are going out somewhere and not on the days agenda then I have to tell her to get her shoes on as I'm about to walk out the door otherwise she will go into anxiety/panic meltdown as not on agenda. She is very much a homely body. I can deal with that to a degree.

We are having defiance difficulties mainly at the moment. You ask her to do something and she says in a minute or makes it seem like I've asked her to move the world and then goes into a complete meltdown because she doesn't want to..it's all about when she wants to or doesn't want to :(

Just downloaded The Explosive child to my kindle to read. Hopefully will help me a little bit.