can anyone help me please?

[sunnyweatherplease]

Am awaiting a PCHAMS appointment for dd age 8. I don't know what to expect.
dd is 8 and has wild, angry, violent rages. She can hold it together at school though.

However, a school TA has suggested I look at Sensory issues, but where is the line between 'being-a-bit-quirky' and 'having-sensory-problems'?? When does ASD come into play? A friend with an autistic child swears she see's it in dd too. Dd seems to switch from being lovely to being really really difficult - mainly at home.

I am so lost in all this and don't know if she just has an anger problem or if there is more going on. Or if she is being a normal 8yr old. I feel like a complete failure as a parent.

Oh thank you for your kind post. You haven't just pooh-poohed me and said she just needs a bit of discipline.
I am currently reading Explosive CHild, and Out of Sync child, which are proving most apt.

You mention PDA - what is that please?
Can I ask - are ASD children ALWAYS asd, or can they tow the line and adhere to conventional expectations when they want to? Have I explained that very well?? So far, the conversations I've had with PCHAMS have hinted that she can't be ASD as she can hold it together at school and can make friends. My friend disagrees with this. I don't know what to prepare myself for regarding the outcome.

I think recording her would be good.

Thank you so much for humouring me!

The ability to 'pass for normal/nt' is very common in girls. However, DS1 is exactly like this.

In m/s school what is not understood is that a child with ASD/SPD experiences sensory overload and shuts down in certain situations like m/s schools. To the untrained eye the child that is experiencing sensory overload, and thus not manifesting their anxiety in ways that are easy to see, looks much the same as the child that is 'fine'. Hence, teachers and an alarming number of professionals, see the (absence of) behaviour as demonstrating that the child is NT. To an experienced expert, however, the behaviour is seen to be present, but manifest differently, at home and at school. Holding it together at school is recognised as a symptom of ASD/SPD and of internalised anxiety.

At home the child is not overwhelmed (and so more likely to hyper/hypo-sensitive to external triggers) and has to offload pent-up anxiety.

Children with ASD can learn rules that they know to stick to to avoid the bad repercussions. It doesn't mean that they understand the rules, or can intuitively apply them to a new context.

Consequently they can live in a constant state of anxiety and confusion and although appear to 'fit in' only do so on a superficial level and when they let their guard down, misapply the rule and get a consequence or simply reach the end of their tolerance level they explode.

More usually this will be at home, especially if they are secure there and know that they are loved unconditionally as it is a safe place to explode. Being good at school but falling apart at home is the sign of a loving and good parent.

Thank you.
Have read up on PDA, which seems to fit quite well. I am just hope PCHAMS will believe me.
They have contacted school, but she pretty much holds it together there. She is very disorganised and easily distracted though, so I hope PCHAMS will take it further. Fingers crossed.