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SN children

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Original poster

ADHD ds getting picked on by 3 on-off friends, but their mums sending me stropping calls/texts

13 replies

ernesttheBavarian · 16/09/2013 20:11

Ds is 9. He's getting teased a lot by 3 'friends'. (one was quite a good friend. Last week ds went to his birthday party and the other 2 boys were there and on collection the mum told me they had been picking on him. He seems to attract people winding him up and provoking him somehow. And he gets really upset and does react:(

Anyway, school just started for us on thursday. Friday I get a call from the mum of 1 of these 3 complaining my ds (who is TINY had hit her ds (who is HUGE) becasue her ds had been teasing him. Teasing is 1 ting but hitting is unaccaptable and I must have a word with him.

Now today, I get a text of the birthday party mum, who I thought was a friend having a go at me saying my ds has hit hers because he was teasing him.

So. I am annoyed she has sent me a stroppy text.
I agree my ds should not hit. But it seems like these 3 boys are deliberately winding up my ds then screaming when he retaliates.
I feel frustrated they didn't go through the school (this happened at break) but they are hassling me direct.

Their ds also being physical with my ds but my ds is somehow the baddy.

I had a meeting with his teacher on wednesday to discuss my concerns about his social awareness (am wondering if he also might be autistic/aspergers) and now all this has happened.

How do I help my ds. Who is absolutely NOT an instigator of trouble but responds really badly to people being mean to him. Seems like he is just on the receiving end:(

How do I reply to the text mum?

OP posts:

tigersmummy · 16/09/2013 20:21

I would go straight to the school with these texts and ask them to deal with it straight away. There's no way you should be approached by other parents about issues that happen on school premises. That is what the teachers are there for. They should be supervising all children adequately.

No wonder these boys are picking on your DS - they have a superb example being taught them by their mothers.

These women are not your friends. I would either not respond to the texts at all or reply very briefly to say what you intend to do, ie ask school to deal with it in future.

Original poster

ernesttheBavarian · 16/09/2013 20:39

Thanks. Am really pissed off at her texting me. She should have either called and spoken to me, or gone through the school. Dh says i should reply. only thing I want to say is that she is out of order texting me! And somehow 3 kids continually teasing my ds is ok, but him retaliating isn't (bearing in mind the other kids all hitting my ds too, not like he#s a maniac running round beating up random pacifists.)

In my OP it's wrong - I have the meeting organised for this coming wednesday, so it is in 2 days time. But concerned the original purpose of meeting will be overtaken by this issue.

Poor ds. He is like a sitting duck

OP posts:

PolterGoose · 16/09/2013 21:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrsbaffled · 16/09/2013 22:38

:( this happened to my boy too. Fortunately the mother of the boy he kneed in the wotsits was very understanding as she agreed her son shouldn't have been teasing him in the first place.

Take it to the school and get them to stamp down on the persistent teasing (bullying IMHO) x

tigersmummy · 19/09/2013 08:36

How have you got on?

MadameSin · 19/09/2013 18:25

Agree with Tiger ... hand it straight over to the school. We've had a bit of this texting parents in my ds's school last term ... it's completely out of order. If it's happening in school, it needs to be dealt with by them. Firstly, the 'teasers' need to be dealt with .. I'd call it verbal bullying!

Original poster

ernesttheBavarian · 19/09/2013 19:13

Had meeting with school. They sid ds could always go to them, also during break if he was upset etc. (He tends to suffer in silence and not ask for help). Took great pleasure in his teacher's reaction when I told her about the other parents contacting me. She was fuming. Really enraged. Ranted on about helicopter parents and how badly the other mums had behaved and she would bring it up at parents evening.

She is very old fashioned about her ideas of letting kids sort it out for themselves so I will have to keep a close eye on things. The school social helper guy was there who is young so hoping he will be a bit more on the ball (avoid bullying) and also help teach ds strategies for dealing with people teasing him.

I texted the mum saying I thought it was always better to call and not SMS, but most of all, that I thought it was a school issue and the kids should sort it out with the teachers in school. She has texted back (!) saying she didn't agree it was a school thing, it's a "mummy issue" and she wanted to let me know straight away and suggested meeting. How do I respond to that??

Thanks for your help.

OP posts:

zzzzz · 19/09/2013 20:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MadameSin · 20/09/2013 20:14

Mmm, she is over reacting. I would not agree to a face-2-face meet, but maybe when you see her next just let her know you've dicussed the incident with his teacher, and she has requested any future issue in school be dealt with by them.

MyFabulousBoys · 22/09/2013 23:48

I don't think the CT attitude is appropriate at all. Your DS will need support and help sorting this out. My DS has ADHD and I would want him supported if he was being bullied, not expected to sort it out himself. It is 3 against 1 so hardly a balanced and benign situation! This isn't an argument over who is going to have the class football, it is organised bullying.

Is the SENCO any help? Your DS needs support.

Also, totally agree you should not be meeting the other mums. I would politely ask them (by text so I couldn't be drawn into an argument) to approach the school and do not engage. Un-MN hugs. I have received those texts, false accusations too, and it is unpleasant and isolating. Keep a screen shot of it and avoid the mums. If I found out DS was repeatedly baiting a kid with SN, or anyone, and he got hit, I'd feel he rather deserved it actually.

Trigglesx · 23/09/2013 07:37

Text the other mum back and tell her that, as you have already stated, you (and the school) feel this is a school issue, and as such, the school will handle it. Point out to her that the school wants to deal not only with your son's reactions, but with the other boys' verbal bullying as well.

That ought to put her off her stride and perhaps it will make her see that the school is looking at BOTH issues. I'd like to think that she will also see that by pushing the issue with you repeatedly, that she is also guilty of bullying.

Trigglesx · 23/09/2013 07:41

And DS1 has SNs and goes to a SS, and even though he has some comprehension issues, I would STILL tell him off if I found out he was teasing another child at school (or anywhere else for that matter). He gets in trouble for teasing or being rude to his little brother at home - it's the same thing. He understands the concept of being kind.

DS2 at 4yo (NT) understands that you don't tease (still does sometimes, but gets in trouble for it). So surely those older children should.

Original poster

ernesttheBavarian · 24/09/2013 21:51

Thanks. Parents evening tomorrow so am dreading it. Saw one of the mums on Friday and she totally blanked me. Then saw her ds and he is seriously enormous I would estimate several inches talker and many many kilos heavier than my ds who is by a long way the smallest in the class. (He has growth problems and is several points below the lowest % on chart. He's like -8%

No SENCO as not in UK. He's on his own. . :(

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