The Dude goes to school

[theDudesmummy]

It's a big day tomorrow, DS starts school (mainstream, only three hours a day to start with, and with full one-to-one support, but still, he starts school!). I am having mixed feelings and hoping so much that we have chosen the right path. He is non-verbal and on an ABA/VB programme and will continue this in the afternoons (we continue to pay for it fully despite it having been in his statement since March, no joy yet from LEA, Tribunal pending).

There were just so many other options, and I so hope we are doing the right thing for him.

He is only 4 so we could have kept him at home/nursery for another year, on the full time ABA programme, as he has been for the past 18 months, but had to decide against that primarily because of the cost, we just cannot continue to afford this.

We could have sent him to special school, as the LEA wanted, but we decided against that primarily because the specal school they have is not ABA, and they turned down our application for him to be sent to soecialist ABA school (and we were advised that we had a very low chnace of winning a Tribunal on that point as things are at present).

We could have sent him to mainstream school fulltime, with one-to-one support, but that would have been the end of the ABA programme as they would not agree to his one-to-one support being from ABA tutors.

I do so hope we are doing the right thing. the school has been very helpful, the support worker has been at our home three days this past week watching the tutors working, and she will be at the ABA workshops, of which we have one next week. They also agreed for her to have two days study leave later this month so that I could send her on an Introduction to ABA course at Ambitious About Autism. So it feels like we are at least doing all we can to keep him on the right path...

But tomorrow will be an emotional day!

I think he will love it! It's me having the anxiety!

Sounds like you have done loads to ensure he has the right support.
It is really hard to pass your child over to people who dont know all of their little ways but it sounds like you have already made good links with the school.

Good luck

Good look to the little dude and don't spend the time worrying about him mummy he will be fine

Wow Dudesmummy how quickly the time has gone! I remember you being on the first thread I ever read on MN after a google search, which in turn led me to joining MN and finding mnsn.
That was about two and a half years ago and from reading various posts by you I see the dude has come a long way since then!
Good luck to him (and you) tomorrow, it sounds as if you've done a huge amount already getting support for him. Have a later and let us know how it goes!

I was exactly you 5 years ago, with ABA and mainstream. It worked really well and was lovely (if stressful on me) for 3 years, and then not.

BUT I will never regret sending him mainstream in his formative years - I think it gave him a really good grounding - socially, academically, every way.

And, when it fell apart a bit in Year 2, as he hadn't made the same leaps as my DSD had at mainstream, my case for ABA school was very strong: tried mainstream, used to ABA only.

Good luck!

I was always v open with the other mums, and found some nice decent human beings to exchange playdates with. Actually I had been v scared of the other mums' reactions, but I never got one bad word. They were actually all really nice to me, and if there were mutterings behind my back, well, what I didn't hear can't affect me!

Good luck. DS has ABA support and went 3 days initially. I really hope the school support ABA and let the worker use ABA properly at school. We find there is always a few bumpy weeks with each new teacher but by Xmas they usually 'get it'.
The difficulties we have had (with outside ABA going into school) have been:

1. The teacher thinking ABA tutors were spying on her and being super defensive (and sometimes rude) and ordering them around (more common with new or less confident teachers).
2. The teacher or TA trying to change aspects of the programme because they didn't understand ABA - the usual one feeling 'sorry' for DS because we are so strict and firm on behaviour which they see as us being mean. Usually they say our expectations on behaviour are above those for the other children (By Xmas they have stopped saying this and are wishing the other children were as well behaved as DS, by Easter they are begging the ABA staff to help them with the other children)
3. The teacher making assumptions DS did not need ABA or even 1:1 at all (because his ABA team kept his behaviour on track so well and make it look so easy teachers often think anyone can do it)
4. Turf wars over roles (usually within a few weeks the teacher is so over worked they forget about your child completely and leave the 1:1 to their own devices - which is not necessary a good thing but is better than them saying how they would do it differently, not realising their way would lead to DS behaviour unravelling overnight or his stims going sky high)
5. Teachers telling giant fibs about how much time they spend with your child and how your child is doing. (A bit foolish in our case as we can always ask ABA staff)

It really helps if they have, or have had, other children with the usual LA autism support as they usually quickly see how much better ABA is and are then supportive with LA etc.

Mainstream teachers have almost no time for your child and so on the rare occasions they have set work or done planning for DS its been wide of the mark and we have to bin it or change it. I think keeping control of your DS education is a good thing, because most mainstream schools are well out of their depth and there is insufficient time to do the level of differentiation necessary.

Getting ABA staff to point out all the time what they are doing and why they are doing it that way helps eg if we don't make DS sit with his hands still he will pick at his skin until he bleeds so thats why we are so strict about still hands. They wont understand the consequences of not doing it the ABA way and therefore wont appreciate how effective it is if you dont constantly tell them what horrors are being avoided.

I agree with all that Agnes says.

just occasionally though also I had to remind my ABA tutors to give due respect to and not lord it over the class teacher.

One ABA tutor at another school was so pompous and so dismissive of any teaching that wasn't ABA that the school subsequently closed its doors totally to ABA.

I told my tutors - the classroom is the teacher's domain, not just a backdrop to your ABA programme.

And they also had to be careful not to take my side too overtly - on school premises, they are school staff.

But different for thedudesmummy, as it is not an ABA tutor.

As time went on, I realised that - although ABA techniques were vital, the actual background of the LSA was less important than his or her overall brainpower/people skills.

Thanks for such detailed input! I am apprehensive but hopeful. Although the support worker is not an ABA tutor at least we have our tutor in there once a week and the support worker (and the class teacer and the SENCO) seem really open to our approach. I am sure all will not just go as smoothly as that however! But tonight laying out his smart clothes for the morning and kissing him goodnight I am trying to just feel similar to all the mums whose little ones are just starting school. Where has the time gone? Where is my tiny little bean? Etc etc!

Our ABA tutors usually go for the stealth approach and def do not lord it over the teachers. It is very much the teacher's classroom. Like anything you have to pick your battles so they will go along with certain things where its not their way but its ok, DS will cope - but some things they have to be firm. The turning point for us was when the class teacher offered to look after DS (while getting the ABA tutor to sweep the floor for her) and she then lost him within 2 mins as he escaped into the playground. She didn't refer to him not needing 1:1 again .