Those with older SN siblings - how did you prepare them for arrival of new baby?

[heartinthecountry]

Just wondering if there is anything really I can be doing to prepare dd for the arrival of the new baby. She is 3.5 but probably has the understanding of about a 2 year old on a day to day level. Difficult to know how much she understands about more abstract things, like, mummy is going to have a baby (which lets face it is pretty abstract!).

So far she usually shakes her head vigorously when I tell her there is a baby in mummy's tummy (denial or wishful thinking?!) but has on a couple of occasions waved hello at my tummy when I've said 'say hello to the baby'.

I've bought a baby doll for her which I thought I would get out and start doing some basic role playing with.

Does anyone know of any particularly good books that might explain in very simple terms for her what is going to happen? She is very visual and loves books so this might help.

Any other ideas welcome.

Though I have a feeling it is going to be a shock for her whatever! How have others found their SN child has coped with a new baby?

No direct experience, but have you set up the baby's room/cot etc up yet? Then you could show her baby's bed, baby's room, baby's clothes, toys etc.

The baby will co-sleep with us at first so no baby's room/cot etc to show her. Good idea though!

Lucy Cousins' "ZaZa's Baby Brother" is a book that's regularly recommended on here where there's to be a very small age gap between siblings. We had it for ds who was 18 mths when dd was born - it's very simple and very visual, and the overall message is: new baby means parents are busier than they used to be so less time for you, but in time the baby brings you extra fun so it's a net gain.

So if it's for very little ones it might be appropriate for your dd? Though, the family's a zebra family, might that be a bit abstract for her?

Thanks Bink - I think it would be a bit too abstract tbh, but I might have a look.

Amongst other things I used to get in bath with DD and let her slide down my soapy bump...

Sorry forgot to say ds would then wriggle and move inside me!

That is so sweet Fio! Of course I am hoping dd will dote on her little sister but she has been a bit more 'challenging' lately and beginning to worry that she may not react well.

my ds was 3.5 when dd was born & like yours more like an 18m/2yo. We had "there's a house inside my mummy" by the purple ronnie guy which I read him a few times a week but I really don't think there is any sure fire way to prepare a sn or nt kid for the reality of a new baby especially when they have been an only child until that point. After baby was born did all the usual don't be holding baby when you first see sibling after birth, pressie in baby's crib for sibling, reading stories for sibling while bf baby etc. I was pleasantly suprised with ds's acceptance of baby - am now pg with 3rd & I think nt dd is going to be a much bigger prob than sn ds was when she was born!

Thanks wads - I am sure you are right, nothing is probably really going to prepare dd for the reality of there being a new baby, which would be the same for any child. I am just hoping that she at least realises there is a baby on its way, even if she doesn't really understand what that means IYSWIM. She is largely non-verbal so it is just so hard to know how much she understands.

Glad your ds accepted your dd so well. Fingers crossed for the next one hey?

Cece - that bump in the bath thing sounds cute!

With ds1 it was a case of showing him a pregnancy book so that he could see how the baby was growing. I was also careful to warn him that a baby did very little apart from cry, feed and nappy-fill. He was pretty excited at the prospect of a new baby and fell in love with dd straight away.

Ds2 was only just 3yrs old when dd arrived. I showed him lots of pictures of babies but tbh I don't think he was really interested. I'm not even sure whether or not he understood. He was pretty indifferent to dd for the first day or two and barely seemed to notice that she was there. After that he adored her as much as ds1 did. Lots of " very cute" and gently touching her arms and legs. He didn't seem to care at all where she'd come from but hasn't shown any signs of resentment or jealousy. (Touchwood!)

I've been meaning to post on this thread and now BH has booted me out of my apathy!
I had a Baby Anabel which I carried around (freaked DH out one night!). DS paid no attention at all. I also had some Miriam Stoppard pg books from before and left those around and looked at them now and then with him (for pix of real babies, not all the gubbins!). He wasn't at all bothered about DD but seemed quite cross with me for being away for all of 4 nights! She slept in our room for 9 months so he didn't see the cot etc much.
I know lots of you will scream, but the best think I did to help him and help me get back on track with him was bottle feed. If you're not prepared to do that maybe you could mix it up? He really didn't associate her only with me and with keeping me away from him. Surprisingly he has accepted her very easily, esp as he was an only child until the age of 7.5. WHen she was quite small he didn't like her screaming in the car (nor did anyone else) so I used to sympathise with him and we'd both put our hands over our ears! What has really surprised me now that she is 3, she is worse to him than he is to her! She will snatch things off him, say he's done something when he hasn't etc. I got her a couple of books from the NAS about "my brother is different" etc but only recently and she loves those. We talk to her about his difficulties and that he finds things hard but he's very happy etc. HTH.

Thanks CT and Davros. It is good to hear that most seem to have accepted their siblings quite easily.

LOL at you carrying around a baby Annabel Davros!!

not exactly in your position but when I am asked to help prepare the SEN children I teach for the arrival of a new baby I talk a lot about a 'baby coming to live in your house' not necessarily where it's coming from, even the children I work with now, who have relatively good understanding might not acknowlege that their mum has got bigger or be aware that its been in their mums tummy. We look at argos catalogues and talk about the things the baby will need and how it might be noisy and sleepy.

I know a lovely song which goes to the tune of 'My bonnie lies over the ocean'

They've got a new baby at their housee
They've gots a new baby at home
It's tiny and hungry and sleepy
Their family's suddenly grown
Baby ...name
With ten tiny finger and ten tiny toes
Baby ...name
We welcome you into our world

its from a book called The Handy Band by Sue Nicholls