school winding me up already

[thriftychic]

ds2 is 14 , yr 10 has had loads of stress and meltdowns at home and finally diagnosed with AS .
school have had a letter fropm camhs requesting a meeting to come up with some strategies for us all.

i rang school this morning as i had had a breakthrough with ds2 , he actually identified something we could do at school that would help him , it was allow him to leave his pe kit in school . Normally he will not talk about his problems and will not have anybody help him .

so , yes , they will allow him to do that , great , but then said they didnt want to arrange the meeting with camhs until ds2 had come up with what else he finds a problem so that they can make suggestions .
well if ds2 readily came up with this stuff we wouldnt have so much bloody problem would we . i mean why didnt i just ask him or get him to tell me 3 years ago ! didnt think of that one did i

they also want to have him at the meeting , which sounds right in theory but i know that ds2 will hate that and have a meltdown . we need to come up with things that dont single him out from the rest very much as in the past the more he felt different the worse he got . he doesnt accept the diagnosis at all so it would work much better if he knew niothing about the meeting at the moment .

I have also told them that he never brings me any letters home . i got a text yesterday , that everyone gets saying your child is bringing home a letter please read etc . but no letter. before i could even get to that on the phone this morning i had been fobbed off as the woman had a queue of students waiting to be dealt with .
ds2 has been SO much happoer this summer holidays and i fear its about to unravel.....

That's brilliant that he's problem solved the pe kit thing.

Can you request a "pre-meeting" just before the one he's invited to with school/camhs, so that you can discuss some of your concerns more freely?

Get CAMHS to phone and arrange the meeting.

Im sure that if your ds has been attending CAMHS they will be aware of his difficulties and how to help, even if your ds cannot express them himself. That should count as your ds's views, they are the experts and well equipped to deal with children who cannot express themselves.

Ask your ds for his views prior to the meeting and if he has any write them down.

Hi,
thats what i said , that i was hoping camhs would help along with what i think myself . its just so annoying that the woman at school , the pastoral officer that i have to bypass before anyone else has spoken to me so often and knows what has been happening for 3 years and continues to lay it all at ds2 door . if he was going to express what he finds hard and work amicably with school i think he would have done it by now . instead he just hates the place , has frequent misunderstandings and has no motivation to do much work .
This is the same woman who thought it was a good idea to send ds2 home for his PE kit when she knows how often he refuses school and how i struggle to get him out the door and that he has an issue with doing pe anyway. so , that was a nice afternoon meltdown and refusal to return to school that day grr. it took 3 times of ds2 leaving school in the middle of the day before she managed to tell other staff and reception that he will either walk out straight through reception or try a forged note .
i frequently hear 'well if hes not going to talk to me i cant blah blah blah...
sorry just ranting now

"if he was going to express what he finds hard and work amicably with school i think he would have done it by now"

If he would or could CAMHS wouldn't be involved in the first place!

As you said he has misunderstandings at school, no motivation, school refusal etc, why do they need your ds to tell him that.

Ranting is fine just let CAMHS deal with arranging a meeting and do your bit by writing a list of your concerns and your ds's behaviours. Maybe remind them that 'actions speak louder than words'!

yes thanks, in ds2 case actions definately speak louder than words !