what age to tell siblings

[bambi06]

my ds has mild asd[PDD.N.O.S]but obviously has autistic traits which are very annoying for all but i feel my poor dd [age 5] is getting pushed out sometimes because of the attention of my ds[6yrs] and she often gets annoyed by his behaviour and ive caught her sometimes thinking..when others come to tea and my ds plays up and has meltdowns or whatever and shes said a few times that other children dont act like her brother , although she dotes on him and misses him terribly when hes not around but finds him naturally very irritating.basically what im getting at is , what age should i explain to my dd about my ds`s special needs

I have two boys, the youngest has SN (dyspraxic / austistic type traits). Ds1 started to ask questions about him being different from other children of a similar age when Ds1 was about 51/2-6. We told him around then - I think it's a reasonable age. He coped very well and is now always very supportive and defensive of his brother to other children and very patient and tolerant of his behaviour at home. The other thing that worried me about leaving it longer to tell him was that he would hear it from a friend whose parent had given them some explanation of Ds2's strange behaviour. I think it depends on the sibling but 5 seems like a reasonable age to introduce the subject.

We bought the NAS book 'My Brother Is Different' when we first suspected DS2 might be autistic. We read it a couple of times with DS1 (then 4) and discussed the ways in which the boy in the book is like (and unlike) DS2. We told him shortly after DS2 was dx in Feb this year that the doctors had decided that DS2 was definitely autistic. He was much more upset than I expected, saying " That means he'll never play with me" and then cheered up a bit and said
"Well I think he's only a little bit autistic anyway." ! Since then he's hardly mentioned it at all. I've left the book lying around a couple of times but he's never asked to look at it again. When we went to BIBIC in Feb he did a scrapbook for school about our visit. Every page said things like "This is me in the swimming pool"
" I played in the sensory room " - hardly mentioning DS2 at all!!! I asked him if he wanted to take 'My Brother is Different' into school to help him explain our BIBIC visit but he said no. However, his teacher said that when she read his scrapbook to the class, he explained very clearly and matter of factly about DS2 being autistic and, in simple terms, what this meant.

I suppose what I'm saying is that I'm not sure whether his lack of interest in the subject means that we told him too early, or whether it was the right time, as he now just accepts it as part of his life.

So sorry - a long message and not much help

Message withdrawn

I have just told Grace as we have gone along if you know what I mean?

I haven't just sat her down one day and explained everything. She is 5 in August and I have told her things about Ellie and her illness long ago

to her its just Ellie!

I cant answer this one yet as both my sons have sn. My eldest has adhd and mld and possibly aspergers and ds2 has asd and gdd and is non verbal. my ds1 has a classroom asisstant but has never yet said anything about being different. He notices his wee brother cant talk and he has mimicked his handflapping a couple of times. But i dont know what to do, i`ll probably leave it for a while because i have to tell my son hes different and so is his wee brother and hes doing so well at school i dont want to say anything yet.

We have told our eldest son all about his brother's special needs as it has all unfolded. There is six years between them tho' and I felt that what we didnt tell him, he would probably pick stuff up (maybe incorrectly) from others himself. Obviously everything we tell him is simplified and sometimes I deliberately paint the most optimistic view (even if I dont feel it is necessarily the most likely!) Basically, I dumb down information to a 9 year olds level.

Both my 13 year old DD and 9 year old DS know that their younger sister (4) has a genetic condition that they do not have, nor are they carriers of since it was a one-off "mutation" that just happened, although it does mean that DD2 is now a carrier - 50% chance of passing it on. It was never a case of sitting down and telling them, because they were in it from the start. They knew their sister was a bit "different" and not doing her milestones (walking, talking) when she should be. But like someone else mentioned, to them she is just "Sasha" and having Sotos Syndrome does not change who and what she is. My eldest did say that she is a little bit glad that Sasha does have Sotos as there are other conditions that are a lot worse and if she didn't have Sotos then she wouldn't be "Sasha".

Although my DD and DS friends know (and meet) Sasha, they do not think of her as any different than any younger sister would be - 9 year age difference.

My eldest DD is very knowledgeable about Sotos and explains it to any of her friends who ask. She also realises that just because she has a condition, she is still unique and Sasha will be the best that she can. She is very encouraging towards her younger sister.

Oh Fio, that is so lovely but sad

How lovely that he is saving her a seat

Percy Smith

!!!!!!!

I read thie thread title as 'at what age should I Sell siblings'

sorry

Ds is well aware of dd's difficulties and we have very open and honest discussions about his feelings. Just lately (he is 8.5) he is become far more aware and admits that sometimes dd's behaviour is embarrasing and I tell him that it's perfectly ok to feel that way but also emphasise how much dd can't help it. On the other hand he loves her to bits and always says how happy he is to have her as a playmate (they play *so( well together)

I went to a contact a family talk from the lady that runs this site SIBS and it was so good to hear it from a siblings point of view. The lady had 2 siblings with sn, one who unfortunately died young and then her mum went on to have another son with sn.
I think the site could be quite useful.

Oh just forgot to answer op question. Bascially ds has been aware of dd's special needs since he was 4 and as he has got older we have introduced more information as we have felt he can cope.