Not Sure if Special Needs or just odd.

[Size12wannabee]

I am really concerned about my sons behaviour lately. He has always been shy and not keen on new things or change.

But lately I have become concerned. He is 6. We went to a football party yesterday and it was mortifying he just stood there clinging to my leg and refused to join in anything. When I tried to encourage him he started crying and certainly anyone that had seen him would have thought he had a special need. He tucked his head in, started flapping him arms and crying.

Educationally he seems to be doing well - above average in the class. Although the teacher said he refused to join in PE and he is generally very defiant. If he does not want to do something he wont.

At home I find he whinges alot, about everything and anything from the time he gets up, until he goes to bed. For example, he is tired, wanted to go in the bathroom first, wanted to blue bowl, not liking the programme on telly This is despite me often saying to him what colour bowl do you want - he will say red, so i give him the red - he then goes into melt down saying he wanted the blue - this happens over loads of things.

What do you think I wondered about mild autism or aspergers but his language skills are good and he does imaginative play and plays nicely with his younger sister and children we know very well (friends of mines kids and his cousin) --although seems to struggle to make friends and play with other kids.

Difficult one - have you spoken to school about your concerns? Some of the behaviours you describe are familiar and my 8 year olds has DS has mild ASD. His dx is mild high functioning ASD. When he started school, nursery however,there was no doubt in my mind he was autistic. You could just see something was different. My DS also gets on better with older or younger children but not so much his peer group.

Even your DS is coping well in school academically, that's a good sign. My DS is bright but couldn't manage in school without one to one support, just too many distractions, trigger points. Have a word with his teacher or perhaps the SENCO?

Hi Peppa

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply. His teacher knows I am concerned with aspects of his behaviour I am worried about specifically saying ASD or aspergers to her as I dont want him to get a label particularly if it turns out he is just shy.

Dh and i have been discussing and we are thinking we need to up our input with him. We are thinking get him to the park playing football with us - so he at least knows what to do. Plus maybe karate and beavers (still need to find out how old you hav to be for that).

I suppose all this could make him worse but the hope is it will help. What do people who have been through similar think?

That's interesting about 'needs' led - as if he is not joining in PE presumably he 'needs' help to be able to engage.

I think I will arrange a meeting with his teacher.

I wouldn't be concerned about saying ASD - I did with my DS when he was three but all the professionals backed away from labelling. He was actually dx at five and a half. The differences really showed up in school and then you could really see it - during a school trip to the local supermarket my DS was so distressed he was rolling around in the aisles in anxiety. So if I were you, I'd say what you think. If its anything like my area, getting the dx wasn't easy. If it is ASD, the longer you leave it, the more difficult it can be to get statements etc well, that's the situation in my area so look into that.

My DS finds social things very difficult. Playtime at school is a nightmare. We tried to do football classes with him at about 4 bad he just ended up rolling about on the field. The coach was useless and ended up banning him. DS hasn't forgotten and hates football now, it's trigger for him. He's done really well though at swimming - swims like a fish now thanks to great support from my gym and school in year 3. He also has done karate and is now a blue belt. The karate instructor is fantastic, totally gets him and has really worked to improve his confidence. He's now passed three karate belts :) so good not just for ASD in the case of my DS but also for confidence building as he's painfully shy too.

Thanks

Ds goes swimming and is doing well. That is progressing through normal stages at same rate as peers. Interesting (I think - anyway!!) it is swimming that most make me wonder if it is ASD or just being naughty. He plays up like u would not believe (well actually probably on the SN forum you will believe! - but most would not - leaving me traumatised and downing a bottle of wine BEFORE tea!)

Anyway brought him home many time before the class began - then dh took him without issue. He just left him on the poolside and went to watch at the window and he was fine. I now do this and he is fine once he realises I have gone. I honestly do not feel i pander or over indulge - but the fact he is only terrible when he thinks i am near does make me think maybe it is just odd rather than special behaviours.

Thanks

Ds goes swimming and is doing well. That is progressing through normal stages at same rate as peers. Interesting (I think - anyway!!) it is swimming that most make me wonder if it is ASD or just being naughty. He plays up like u would not believe (well actually probably on the SN forum you will believe! - but most would not - leaving me traumatised and downing a bottle of wine BEFORE tea!)

Anyway brought him home many time before the class began - then dh took him without issue. He just left him on the poolside and went to watch at the window and he was fine. I now do this and he is fine once he realises I have gone. I honestly do not feel i pander or over indulge - but the fact he is only terrible when he thinks i am near does make me think maybe it is just odd rather than special behaviours.

Look up PDA Pathological Demand Avoidance x