WWYD, statement with no provision for lunchtime

[claw2]

Ds had his second day at school today.

Class teacher asked to have a word at pick up today. Told me ds was distressed and crying at lunchtime and hadn't eaten anything.

Although the school policy is no packed lunch, he suggested I bring a packed lunch for ds. I declined and said I would rather just monitor the situation and discuss it at the meeting in early October or earlier if need be.

If I give ds a packed lunch, he wont eat it. He hadn't eaten his packed lunch in previous school for 3 years. If I provide a packed lunch, which wont be eaten, then I am the only one to see it hasn't been eaten.

Ds has an OT feeding plan, which could be put in place (although it isn't in statement). Ds has an extremely restricted diet and I was told by the school, they could cater for this.

In order for ds to eat in school, he needs a plan, some structure and adult supervision.

Have I done the right thing?

Would also add I tried to discuss ds's eating at meeting with school, CAMHS etc before he started and was told 'lets wait and see how he gets on'

So I want them to 'see' exactly how he is 'getting on' or not as the case might be.

Gosh, what a tough call.

But if he truly won't eat the packed lunch then what would be the point?

Though, you could perhaps ask their advice on what it is that they think you could put in the packed lunch that would ensure he ate it. Show a willingness to work with them iyswim.

If they manage to come up with something, you could do it, but after 5 days of uneaten packed lunch, pass it back to them and refuse to do it any more.

Ds told me in school yesterday he ate 2 slices of bread. Im not sure how true that is, but dry bread is what he would eat at home for lunch, so its possible.

Ds told me today, he looked at the lunch counter, there was nothing he liked, only 'disgusting food' so he just sat down without food. Then 'everyone' was telling him he had to eat and he got confused and started crying and he sat there crying for 'ages'. Someone then went to fetch his TA and his class teacher came too and he sat with them, but didn't eat anything.

Before he started school I told them his diet was extremely restricted, literally 5 things. They told me they could cater for this and had another boy with Autism who has bread and a banana for lunch everyday.

Ds also has an OT plan from specialist feeding clinic, an eating plan devised for school which could be implemented to try and broaden his eating in school.

His class teacher seemed unaware of his restricted diet and I got the impression that ds is just expected to choose a 'proper' lunch, like lasagne etc. Ds is not going to go from eating dry bread for lunch everyday for the last 9 years to lasagne etc just like that.

I also get the impression, that they think I am 'exaggerating' his eating and that given the chance ds will just eat anything.

Ds has just told me, yesterday he didn't eat the 2 slices of bread, he choose two slices of bread, but didn't eat it. But the fact he didn't eat it seems to gone unnoticed because he wasn't crying and didn't draw attention to himself.

If he is in specialist provision claw surely support at lunchtime should just be in place, it shouldnt need to be on his statement, should it??

I think you might need to have a chat with someone about mealtimes. When Dd3 wasnt eating at school even her useless school managed to find her somewhere quiet and calm to sit with her lunch.

I agree with polter about him choosing away from the rush. At the school Dd3 is at now she sometimes has a school dinner but because the cooks rarely stick to the menu she goes at playtime to find out whats on offer. Before this started she used to look at the menu and then panic when the food she wanted wasnt on offer. Talking to the cooks at playtime has really helped her.

TBH, I totally get what you are saying about not sending a packed lunch but I would want to make lunchtime easier while your Ds is settling, I know rules can easily be put into place around eating but this could rock the boat too much at his new school and stop him from settling.

Obviously your call as you know him better than anyone.

Good luck

Most mainstream schools have some kind of policy of checking children's lunch boxes or plates to ensure they have eaten something. Can they not do that?

I know he hasn't got specific 1:1 cover at lunchtime, but a specialist school should really be used to providing a higher level of cover - and be used to these problems. They are very common in children with ASD.

x-post ineedmorepatience

Polter, I really hate the 'leave him with us, we will soon have him eating approach' as if I, dietician, specialist feeding clinic OT, CAMHS feeding group haven't already tried for the last 9 years!

OT feeding plan is for ds to just look at the school menu for 3 weeks. After 3 weeks, he is then to choose one food he is willing to try every week (bearing in mind, he wont eat sauces or mixed textures and plain food will be more acceptable to him etc) so much like you describe.

I think its a combination of things. His diet consists of dry bread, chips and that's about it. (at home when out of school for a year, we have managed to try fish fingers, sausage rolls and chicken nuggets and a few other foods) the first sign of stress and he restricts his diet to chips and bread. Ds has had the same thing for breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday for the last 9 years. So he doesn't like 'choice', he likes sameness.

He has a 'food phobia', he is scared of other peoples food touching him or being near him. It has taken me years to even get ds to sit at the same table as us while we are eating. He cant stand to be near spilled food on the floor, table etc.

When visiting the school, we went into the lunch hall, it was very busy and noisy. Ds put his hands over his ears, walked straight back out and refused to go back in.

The most success we have ever had in school with ds and eating, was when he was part of the 'lunch club' in previous school.

It was for children with SN's, they sat at a table away from others and had a high ratio of adults, who would encourage and prompt ds to eat his lunch.

When stressed ds literally needs prompting to eat.

I can provide a packed lunch, no problem, but he wont eat it unless supervised.

Given that ds told me he had 2 slices of bread yesterday and I assumed he ate them and no one in school seems to have checked (as nothing was said to me yesterday) turns out I phrased the question to ds wrong, I asked 'what did you have for lunch' so he told me he had 2 slices of bread. I just checked with him did you eat 2 slices of bread and he told me no he didn't, he just choose that!

Maybe I can offer to provide a lunch on the condition that they check to see how much is eaten. Rather than finding myself in a meeting in a few weeks with me being the only person noticing he is not eating.

I am shocked that this is even an issue in a specialist school TBH.

I think your plan is exactly right. Provide the food but say someone will have to assist him. At least to start with to see if he settles.

This is stuff I would expect any decent mainstream school to do. Whether a child eats is crucial to their well-being and ability to learn. Just as being stress free is.

Can you make a small lunch box of things he will eat and just note exactly what is in it?

I have sent DS on trips with a muffin and a packet of crisps when all else has failed. Better that than nothing.

Seems I have the following choices

1. Ask them to cater for his restricted diet and provide food he will eat, as they said they would, which will probably be limited to dry bread.

1. Ask them to follow OT plan (my preferred option). Which they wont do until the meeting in October, as they want to 'wait and see'.

1. Provide a packed lunch now, which was not something that was agreed prior to ds starting. I tried to raise ds's eating and I was seen to be foreseeing difficulties which might not occur and I should just 'wait and see'

1. Let ds continue to fail for a bit longer, so everyone can see just how difficult it is for him.

IE its a specialist school with 'mum exaggerates needs' Im fully aware of what I was being accused of. I think its very much a case of giving ds a specialist placement, fully expecting him to have no difficulties and removed at the earliest opportunity.

Which is why I am very much trying to play down 'over anxious' mum and let them see for themselves.

Im very much trying to let them raise concerns with me. Even though it was class teachers suggestion of packed lunch, im sure it will be viewed as at school 2 days and mum comes rushing in 'molly colliding' with a packed lunch, after being asked to 'wait and see'

Polter - OT plan is 'out of date' but seen as it has never been implemented and its advice from a specialist feeding clinic and ds's difficulties haven't improved, then I don't see why it cant be tried.

If this really is a specialist school they should be doing more. My ds was v similar with food and also entered specialist provision where they gradually chipped away at the phobia and he now eats loads of stuff. In my opinion a packed lunch is a cop out! Surely they need a plan and a great deal more time before they can declare it hasn't worked!

Cansu that is how I felt a bit of a cop out, rather than dealing with the issue and having a plan.

I think they fully expected ds to eat whatever was on the menu. The plan is 'wait and see'

Ds is expecting to choose from a menu of things he has never even attempted to eat before.

On the other hand the meeting isn't until early October and ds will have to go without eating until then.

Claw you have had a very traumatic time and it will colour how you view things and are viewed so I understand your caution.

But this is a child and he needs to eat. I don't think it is 'molly coddling' at all to suggest, now it has been brought to your attention as a problem, that they ensure he does.

Why should he be penalised? He must be the priority.

It is their suggestion that he brings in a packed lunch. If there is something basic he will have in it, do that and tell them it is all he will eat.

But I remain astounded that this school isn't doing more. How much are their annual fees? Does it hold itself out to be a school with experience of supporting children with ASD? This is very basic stuff.

Even if the plan is to get him eating something in the hall long-term, there has to be exactly that to achieve it - i.e. a plan.

Ask them what they have done before when they have encountered these problems. Ask to work with them.

I get the impression that they just don't know what to believe of the baggage that followed him there. I sympathise with the need to tread carefully. Claw risks a lot if she pre-empts and protects the school from the consequences of their action or inaction.

claw. Why don't you send in a packed lunch with a caveat? You'll send a tick list for each item, touched, took a bite, ate but an adult MUST fill this in daily.

Fees per term range from 2,500 to 10,000, depending on need and yes a school who specialise in HFA and have specialist support on site.

I told the head teacher prior to ds starting about his diet etc and offered a packed lunch, was told no, we have experience of this kind of thing, we will cater for him, if all he eats is dry bread, we will provide it.

Meeting with school and professionals after ds's induction, i raised the issue of eating and was told new school, new environment, lets 'wait and see' very much 'once he sees all the other children eating' etc, etc.

His class teacher wasn't in these meetings, but was with ds at lunchtime, the head wasnt and he is obvious concerned.

Star I just don't want to be sat in a meeting in 3 weeks time, after giving ds a packed lunch, which hasn't been touched by ds or checked by anyone but me, looking like im 'making it up'.

Previous school said that ds DID eat his packed lunch and had no difficulties. Experts such as feeding clinic, CAMHS etc are just taking my word for it, that ds's diet is restricted etc.

Could you request #1, until they can put #2 in place? I would worry that by having you provide the packed lunch, they are shifting responsibility of monitoring his intake onto you. This is a specialist school? It should NOT be this complicated!!!