7yo DS has had another meltdown

[MamaTo3Boys]

So, this morning we got up late, not a great start.

Trying to get DS to get dressed for school. He hates wearing buttons, but he'll compromise if he can have a jumper on over them so he can see them, so he's fine with his uniform once hes fully dressed. This morning he couldn't fasten the buttons on his short, but before I could get to him to help him (I was dressing DS2) he had a full on meltdown!

He started screaming at me telling me I'm a "stupid mum", throwing things round the room, punching the doors etc

How do I deal with this? Do I calm him down and then tell him the way he was speaking to me was unacceptable?

It was so upsetting to watch. He was screaming at me whilst he had years in his eye :( my poor boy was so stressed out.

Finally got to school 20 mins late and the teachers saw how stressed out I was and have now set up a meeting to put us on a caf (?) plan.

Any advice on how to help him through these meltdowns that he frequently has would me greatly appreciated

Forgot to mention, paediatrician thinks he has ADHD and hes currently on methylphenidate once a day

Am I reading this wrong or is the school's idea of supporting DS to get you to fill in a CAF form? I had this with DS1 but I had no contact with SS or the CJS, no social housing or benefits etc and so didn't think this was an appropriate response. It was the schools way of saying that there were no problems at school and so the problem must be home/mum.

What is the school doing to support him?

School are supporting him with the education side of things, they put in intervention plans to give him more one on one learning. Not sure what theyre doing behaviour wise tbh

I know they do have problems with him in school as they've sent reports to the paediatrician saying his boisterous, disruptive, can't sit still etc. I've also been called into school on numerous occasions due to his behaviour.

I'm not really sure what a caf is the way they explained it was that they'll have an initial meeting to see what help we need and then they'll call in outside agencies to attend the next meeting and well take it from there

Outside agencies like SS or NHS or LA EP?

Is he on action/action plus? Does he have an IEP/IBP?

Does he actually have a Statement of Special Needs?. It does not sound like it.

He needs a statement if there is not one in place from the LEA. You can apply for this for him www.ipsea.org.uk.

CAF meetings can be a lot of hot air that achieve nothing.

As far as I know he's not on an IEP and he's not had a statement.

Everyones very reluctant to do anything as we don't yet have a solid diagnosis. The paediatricians have just said they "think" it's ADHD but they want to assess him a bit more before they set it in stone so to speak.

He is 18 months behind in school and speech and language (he has a S&L therapist). He's steadily making progress but still really struggles to keep up with his peers.

99% of the time I can cope with him and know how to deal with certain situations but these meltdowns he has completely throw me off and I just don't know what to do for the best when he's having one :(

He's on 5mg methylphenidate once a day at the moment which helps him slightly. The paed is planning on introducing a lunchtime dose aswell but I'm not sure how I feel about it as I was reluctant to put him on meds in the first place

As we are at the moment I get zero help and support from any agencies as apparently I don't "qualify" without a diagnosis

Mama

You are being lied to and your son is being failed at school.

I would apply for the Statement asap (you do not need a diagnosis in order to do this) and ignore any naysayers who try and put you off from applying.

The only "criteria" for a statement is need of one. Your son needs this.

IPSEA's website as previously mentioned is helpful and it would be worth your while talking to them as well.

Mama - it sounds as if you are being fobbed off - look at the contradiction:

'Everyones very reluctant to do anything as we don't yet have a solid diagnosis' ... 'He's on 5mg methylphenidate'.

Medicating a 7 year old without a diagnosis?

'As far as I know he's not on an IEP and he's not had a statement.' Oh, believe me, you would know if you had a statement.

They are taking advantage of your ignorance. No offence, we all start off ignorant - I was the Queen of Ignorance and knew nothing at all about SA, SA+ or SATs levels.

Read the archives on here, read and research and find out what you need to do to help DS. Do YOU think that a CAF meeting would be useful? If not, you are allowed to say 'no thanks, but I would like a meeting with the SENCO.'

Attila is right - DS is likely to need a statement at least by the end of primary if not sooner. DS1 began being investigated in year 2 and eventually received a crap statement 4 and a half years later - it then took another 6 months to get the statement right by appealing to tribunal. He is now in OCC indi SS. These things can take time.

Hate to be the harbinger of doom but you have KS2 coming up and things are very unlikely to improve of their own accord.

x-post -

Provision is need-led not diagnosis-led. This is very common. DS2 has similar problems with listening and attention (being visited at school by specialist ADHD nurse now having been referred to the neurological clinic) but the school/LA EP are reluctant to use interventions that may suggest longstanding need without a diagnosis. So far, my school have refused to use a token reward system as they believe this smacks of ASD, he doesn't need proper intervention he just needs to take responsibility yada yada.

I can understand that it may seem that you a jumping the gun by applying for a statement at this stage but they are allegedly due to be abolished in April so time is of the essence. Also LAs have a nasty habit of refusing parental applications first time round regardless of the child's needs (delaying tactic 5-6 months to appeal or 6 months to reapply). In the meantime the school and the LA desperately try to show progress so even refusal is better than not applying.

Sorry its like this

I see where you're coming from with the medicating without diagnosis, this is why I was reluctant to give him the meds.

And I admit, I probably am being ignorant towards the whole thing, but I honestly don't have a clue about what we are and are not entitled to

I don't know where to go for support or what I can and can't ask for etc. I'm going to have a look at the IPSEA website later when the kids are asleep and see what my next steps should be.

It was only in June that the paed admitted he may have a problem/ADHD. And this was after me going through the class teacher instead of SENCO to fill in the Connors questionnaire.

We recently moved schools due to moving area to be closer to family and the SENCO In the previous school refused to admit there was an issue. She was sending reports to the paed saying he was fine. So I went through the class teacher who spent all day with him. After the paed had read the teachers report she sent me out a prescription and an appointment for the end of September, and phoned me to say its probably ADHD.

Ill make an appointment with the SENCO at his new school when I go to pick him up in a minute.

I'm sorry if this is a bit all over the place, but I honestly don't know what I'm doing as regards this statement, support etc.

Thank you for all the replies, there's some great advice here for what I should be doing