Ideas for social interaction please

[claw2]

Im looking for ideas of how to improve ds's tolerance of other people, especially other children.

Ds suffered massive regression in interaction, last October, when he was signed off from school and unable to attend. He had what I would describe as a mental breakdown at the time. He has been out of school since then, he is in a much better place mentally/emotionally now and is due back at school this week.

However, due to a combination of all this, his social interaction has really suffered. He finds it difficult to tolerate being around other people and finds most people 'annoying' (even me) to some degree.

He is high functioning in many areas, the only way I can get him to engage is if its of something of interest to him. It is a struggle to get him to leave the house, even for things he used to enjoy, such as visits to the park etc.

Any suggestions most welcome.

What about solo sports, but in a group or club context - eg trampolining or swimming? We go to a great SN swimming club

Thanks Sick, yes I suppose the answer is more opportunities at social interaction, in a fun environment. Its just difficult to a) find something that ds will enjoy or finds fun and b) getting ds to leave the house to do it.

He belonged to a local social group for years and used to want to go. Recently they have been phoning me to go and get him as he has been hiding under tables or locking himself in the toilet and crying to come home.

Maybe I need to just let him start school first, rather than trying to introduce too much at the same time.

How about going to the cinema at off-peak times to see a film that is coming to the end of it's run so likely to be fairly empty. There will be other people there, but not too busy, no need to interact, but he is around other people?

We actually went to see Despicable me 2 recently, it was a struggle to get him there, but it wasn't too crowded and he did cope well really. He got very irritated/distracted at people laughing at the film and by people sitting in the row behind us, but he coped.

Good idea about more cinema visits, thanks.

Even visiting my mum, something he is used to, he just goes into her bedroom and under the duvet for the visit. He just seems to have zero tolerance of everyone, cant stand to be around people and wants to shut himself away.

claw - can you engage with whatever his favourite interest is?

We often motivate DS to do something by treating him to a trip to PC World / Maplin afterwards

Superior - He can/will engage and talk if I speak about things which interest him, x-box or animals and when he does talk he has a very good vocabulary etc. But only for short periods before he wants to go back to his room. Leaving the house for any reason, even for something he used to enjoy, isn't motivation for him, its a struggle.

Polter - He will come to the local shop with me, as long as he doesn't have to get dressed. I tried to get him to take the drink he wanted to the counter and pay, he did, but just stood there 'meowing'. Then ran over to me when finished crying.

Hopefully when he starts school and back into routine things will improve and I can gradually do more things.

Thanks guys

It was extremely difficult to get DS1 out of the house, even into the garden whilst he was out of school - partly due to a fear of being arrested and forced into school. He had little interest in interacting with others - partly because he believed that other DC might ask questions that he was not able to answer as he didn't understand his current predicament. He feels less different now. He refused to get out of the car for drop off and pick-up at his old primary for DS2 for the best part of a year and then proudly walked into the playground wearing his new uniform when the LA conceded at tribunal

It is still difficult to get him out at weekends and holidays but he is much better. He needs the downtime so we leave a recuperation day between activities.

I would wait for DS to settle into his new school. Try and see slobbing out as downtime rather than avoidance.

Thanks Keep, I didn't think about that, ds's refusal to get dressed or engage with the home tutor, was partly due to the fact he thought he would be forced to go to school. When we do go out, to the local shop for example it seems a natural reaction of people to try and talk to ds about school too.

Although ds is 100 per cent better than what he was, there is probably lots of his old fears still there.

Hi Claw, thanks for responding on my thread, I clicked on this one not realising it was yours but identifying with the title. One of the reasons we are looking at removing ds is as you describe, ds is hugely intolerant of others. Sadly he craves people, he just can't handle them when he has them!!! I agree that at home with keep in that home is like sanctuary for ds and he is less tolerant to people there than anywhere else as they don't fit the roles he has prescribed to those in the house. He reacts to us to if we stray from his agenda if that makes sense. Getting him out is extremely difficult unless it is a routine so outings for us are very formulaic, they happen on a saturday, we always pack food in drink that is predictable etc, etc. The destination can change as long as the process stays the same. You may find this with school, that the rules and routines may be clearly defined enough that he can cope. The time that ds finds the most difficult is lunch times and breaks or when they are split into small groups. He almost copes when working on his own or with his TA but managing the dynamics of group work is beyond him. I think it is natural for him to have residual fears. Will the school let you do some pre visits, to see the classroom etc so that he has some idea of what to expect or would he resist this.

Hi again Yawn!

The new specialist school that ds will be starting is brilliant and ds has already attended a planned transition period last term. I am confident that this school will do all they can.

Ds's 'school phobia' is related to his old MS school and some other bad experiences. Well im hoping, it will be limited to his old school and his experience of his new school will be much better.

Ds would prefer to just shut himself away and have no contact with the outside world and limited contact even with his family at home, if left to it. Which is why I feel HE is not an option for us.

The school sounds fantastic, all the best for the transition

Thanks

That's one of the reasons that I don't like the term 'school phobia' as DS1 is not school phobic per se but experiences understandable extreme anxiety in relation to the wrong school to such an extent that he is overwhelmed.

Get the learning environment/peer group etc right and the 'school phobia' is cured (because it never existed in the first place).

Exactly Keep I don't believe that ds has 'school phobia' he just had bad experiences and negative feelings in his old school, due to them not providing support.

The same could be said of old social worker, he has 'social worker phobia!' as she chased him around the house trying to force him back to school, telling him he is a law breaker etc. He now refuses to engage with professionals and doesn't trust them.

Ds attended his new school, with minimal fuss, but could develop 'school phobia' at any time, IF they do not provide appropriate support to deal with his difficulties.

Same with my DS. He has severe anxiety because of his poor literacy skills. Stupid LA EP tried to remove his medically diagnosed anxiety disorder during Tribunal because, being home educated, he no longer experienced school phobia anxiety.

She totally missed the point that a) if he returned to the wrong school, it's likely to come back again, and b) you have to read things practically every single minute of every single day even when not at school!