Considering Home Education

[yawningmonster]

I have cut and paste most of my last post on the Home Education Board as it was suggested that people frequenting this board may have some valid ideas and information. We are considering home education for our 9 year old out of desperation as school really isn't working for him or for them. We have several questions about how we will manage this once of which is.....at the moment he has access to some specialist support which we pay for through me working...if I home school I simply can't afford these as options -to be honest I don't know if anything that he has specialist support for is helping him or not. (He currently has access to Occupational Therapy, Music Therapy and a social skills support group.) He has been with the triple s group for 4 years and to be honest I am not too concerned if this goes as it has made pretty much zero difference to him and he is very indifferent to going. He loves music therapy so would be gutted to see that go and OT...I just don't know with this one. One side of me says this may be his only chance of writing, of coping with sensory input, of gaining a multitude of physical skills that he doesn't currently have some of which he may wish to have and some of which he may not need (for example he may never want to ride a bike or scooter where as he may want to be able to keep his balance and maintain enough stamina to complete tasks and ultimately he may want to be able to write or not. I don't know how important it is to get his muscle memory and sensory integration tackled now or whether it will be just as effective down the line done as and when he desires to get intervention if that makes sense.
I am not in the UK so the OT he has is not funded if we were to home school accessing the OT would be a 1.5 hour round trip so there would be a time cost, petrol cost and session cost to try to factor in (plus a preschooler added into the mix just for fun), the Music Therapy is provided through school as is the Triple S group.
thanks to anyone who is willing to read and contribute.

Do you receive any DLA for him that you could use for his therapies?

We receive a disability allowance for him but it wouldn't cover even one of them. Currently we use it to pay a tutor to be one on one with him once a week as he doesn't get a lot of Teacher Aide hours and is significantly behind in academic skills. If we pull him out we will be able to reassign this money but (as I said we are not in the UK) it is 45 dollars a week. The OT in town is more in the realm of 120 dollars a session. I am not sure where we would even begin to find a Music Therapist outside of the school. It is something the school started as they had a number of children with difficult and diverse needs and they were looking at programs that could be used to better support them (same with Triple S)

bump for any more ideas please

Hi zzzz I feel almost that we have no choice as school is not working for him or them. At the moment I am trying to work through some of the "barriers" that I feel (real or not) are in the way. I am on here to try to get clarity about whether my concerns are real, if they are what we can do in order to get around the issues etc. I am hoping it will be a positive experience but am in a rather terrified state at the moment of responsibility being all back on me and whether I can cope. If we do this, I will have pretty much no respite which is amongst my concerns, I truely don't know if I can meet his needs but then they aren't being met at school so maybe I can be the better of bad choices?

As to your questions:
He is 9
Main benefits are that his stress levels will decrease, he can work at his own pace and in his own way through life, it won't matter that he can't read or write or use monkey bars or maintain his balance, he won't stick out as "different" at home

Main difficulties are the big one which is financial, me having respite (I know that sounds selfish and ungrateful for my child but reality is that I find it really difficult to manage his needs 24/7, I did it for more than 5 years until he started school and I just don't know if I am up to it again but there is nothing within cooey that he could attend that could support him or that he would want to go to to give me a break.

I guess I will provide the education...another stumbling block is that without being too self depreciating I am not the brightest bulb in the pack academically and he is not exactly formal curriculum material...he doesn't learn that way and to be honest with myself I don't know how he does learn so am at a loss of how to guide him. On another thread I have resolved that I am at peace with following a bit of unschooling and following his lead (but with this comes the nagging fear that in doing so I am responsible if he then never reads or writes etc, etc)

Where will it take place, at home and out and about, he loves to explore in woods, rivers etc and we do alot of this but he would need constant one on one supervision (well actually it will be one on two as I have a preschooler but I have managed this all his life and while not easy it is doable) He is not yet able (and may never be) to participate in any groups without becoming highly stressed.

What will be taught: If we follow homeschooling it will be whatever he is ready for...I imagine at the moment lots of field trips as it is coming into Spring, lots of lego, lots of minecraft, and lots of me reading story after story after story after story (he loves, loves, loves to be read to, he just can't do it himself...he prefers a real voice to audio but will resort to audio books when I am hoarse)

Last question: I don't know I guess that will be up to him if he ever wanted to give it another go.

sorry this is mega long

I thought about HE and wrote to deregister my ds last year, not through choice, but because this was the only option left for me and it was only to be a temp measure, until ds got a statement and specialist school named.

You are not in the UK, so not sure how it works where you are, however would specialist school be an option for you?

Thanks claw2, unfortunately there is a huge shift here to mainstream all children so even units attached so schools are thin on the ground. We are in an outcrop town so anything outside very mainstream options is significant travel plus I am scared that if I move him and it still doesn't work that will be even more traumatic for him.

I and many others have had to move house chasing better provision and services, so understand how difficult it can be. I don't have much experience of HE, so I will leave it to the posters who do, good luck.

Thank you Claw (moving has crossed my mind but we are in NZ just outside Christchurch, there is not a lot available in our price range that would bring us anywhere close to a specialist school and where we are has stood up to the Earthquakes so not too eager to go closer to where the devastation was) The more I think about it the more I think it is all that is now open as an option (unless I count leaving him miserable and not coping) just trying to overcome the overwhelming fears that reside in this decision and the fact the real fear that I may never get him back there so I could be looking at another 10 years education down to me and well he is brighter than me so lets just hope that whatever means he learns by takes him far as I'm not sure that I can.

Yes I would think the decision to remove from school and HE would be a permanent one, unless circumstances changed and better options became available. Once out of school, it is very difficult to return.

Ds suffers with severe anxiety and has been out of school for over a year and the thing that suffered most has been his social skills. Although my circumstances are probably different to yours and im sure there are loads of HE parents who manage to keep this side going too.

Have the school done all they can to provide your ds with more appropriate support? Could this be worked on?

Im sure you have given this plenty of thought, just trying to think of more options, if you are reluctant to HE.

Thanks Claw I think the school are well and truly out of their depth, he only gets 5 hours TA a week and while the teacher has tried to attend training I think it is just hugely difficult to manage everything that is going on with him within a classroom of 30 (he has physical, learning, processing and spectrum difficulties, each one gets him some assistance (physical he has the OT and Assistive Technology, Learning we pay for a one to one tutor, Processing he has the Music and the OT) and for the Autism he gets 5 hours a week TA over lunch as this is his biggest stressor.

I'm not sure that I am reluctant more ill equiped.

I felt the same Yawn, I did HE for a short period or more alongside the 5 hours home tuition that ds received. I struggled to get ds to engage with anything school related ie work and social interaction and so did the home tutor. It was a struggle, but not impossible.

Have you considered things such as attending school part time? so not deregistering as such, just you do a bit and school do a bit?

Hi yes have tried all year to achieve that option but it is made very difficult by the government in this country...it is not completely illegal but they make it very difficult for the school to do this option.

I think I have pretty much zero chance of engaging ds academically and think it would be the end of our relationship if I tried. I won't be able to afford a tutor I don't think which leaves us with unschooling....I just really worry that he "needs" intervention especially with his physical skills that I might be doing him a huge long term disservice by revoking these opportunities.

I had my DS out of school for just over a year. Tbh before I took the plunge, it totally and utterly freaked me out and I didn't think I'd be up to it. But I was, and I did it.

In my case, taking DS out of school was the best thing I did for him. In hindsight, I should have done it years earlier - before his anxiety had become as bad as it was.

I totally understand your need for your own respite (sanity!) time. A couple of things saved my sanity My DS's primary need is severe dyslexia, so I took him to a dyslexic centre one day a week for intensive 1:1 literacy support. Whilst they taught him, I worked in their waiting room (I'm a technology consultant so can work anywhere there's an internet connection)

I also found a friendly local childminding mum with her own pre-schooler child who took my son for two full days a week. During those two days she part taught him and part 'minded' him. As she's not a teacher, she did basic teaching (but it was more than adequate - much better than I could have done) and also did all the stuff I can't do (like maths!). Having him 'minded' and taught meant that I could carry on working.

So I only really had him 2 days a week. On those two days we did fun things - nature, exploring, walking, investigating, doing science projects, making Roman mosaics - all sorts of non-stressful stuff. We even went to the cinema - have you ever been to the cinema during school hours? It feels very very naughty but great fun - empty quiet peaceful cinema and a chance to sleep chill out whilst DS watched the film.

It feels absolutely terrifying to home educate. But I'm so glad that I did. The results for my son has been great and a lot of his anxiety has gone away.

Tbh though, I don't think I could have gone on much after the year. Both he and I were sick of it at the end. He wanted to be back in school because he missed the social interaction and I want my life back!

I'd strongly recommend it to anyone who has a highly anxious school-educated child. Another massive benefit for me was that I now totally and utterly understand my DS and his needs - I thought I did before but seeing the terror he goes through when he has to read has been a real eye-opener. It also has made me more receptive to nature, the changing seasons and the world in general because the bulk of his learning has been totally through me, so I've had to be the eyes and ears for him.

Its a difficult one Yawn and im out of ideas. Im sure you will do whatever is in your ds's best interests and good luck.

thanks both of you. Towiela that is actually really helpful. If I could find a childminder during the day who has worked with SN children then I could work the days the kids attended in order pay for it and get some respite.

Learning difficulties are definately in the mix for ds which is one of the reasons I am ill-equiped to teach him. However if I could work a couple of times a week it could pay for itself...now just have to work out how to also pay for the bills but this could be a definate possibility