Do I need to apologise to the neighbours for all the screaming?

[Swanhilda]

Ds2 has ASD. He is 11 and talks loudly. At times he has tantrums. We obviously try and defuse tantrums but I'm aware that the neighbours can hear some of it and must think we are all nutters The other children also do a fair amount of screaming when they are upset by things - they are 13 and 11, Ds1 is dyspraxic and teenage and dd is a stroppy pre-teen. I know all there is to know about defusing bad behaviour texbook wise, and we are getting there (things are improving) but worrying about the neighbours is an added dimension

The neighbours have a toddler of 2 and a baby, and we are only on chatting in the street terms so far after two years. They also hate our cats (she and toddler v allergic) Should I just invite them round for a cup of tea and stop worrying?

They might not want to come in if you have a cat, so keep on chatting, keep on being cordial and keep up the message that you're not all that bad.

Just let them know your situation and hopefully they will be understanding and put your mind at rest, as not really something you can control. My 4.10 year old (ASD) screams so loudly that whilst on holiday in France this year, the neighbours came rushing in to see if all was ok. V. embarrassing! But once we explained, they were fine.

Don't invite them round if their allergic to the cats .
Just keep chatting as normal.
Me and my neighbour have a joke that ds sounds like he's being tortured on bath night/ hair cut /nail cutting nights .
And don't think her kids aren't going to make as much noise when they get bigger because sure they will.

Dont know the answer really other than if they hate cats then they wont come in!

You could try a garden fence chat/cuppa next time you are both in the garden but I would just remain civil as you are doing :)

I am different though in I couldnt care less if I spoke to my neighbours or not as I am not a call round for coffee gal. DS does not do surprise visits and I dont like them either

I think I would try to drop the ASD into the conversation, this would then give you the chance to say "you must hear quite a lot of noise from us I'm afraid that's part of ds condition. I'm really sorry if it disturbs you". After having my last neighbours reporting us to ss because of ds noise I prefer to be on the offensive as i think fronting it like this makes it more difficult for neighbours to judge you. My current neighbours are lovely about it or at least are to my face! When I moved here I invited them around for a drink and got it into the conversation early. I also always buy them a bottle of wine at Xmas!