Help me please - long but I really need help

[HugAndRoll]

You may have seen my posts before I have ds1 with possible asd (going through testing) and ds2 with marked hyper mobility possible eds (going through diagnostic process).

Today I am very much struggling with ds1 and need help/to vent. I have had to put him on his bed and close the door as he is currently on meltdown 7 today and I've completely lost my patience.

Things that have caused issues today:

• breakfast was at the wrong time.
• at lunch I served my homemade bread. This was "the wrong bread" as it wasn't "the red bread" (braces white medium sliced).
• he couldn't complete a level on angry birds.
• the tablet ran out of battery.
• he had to come off the tablet (biggest one).
• I suggested going to the library to change his books.
• I asked him to go downstairs as he was in my bedroom.

I have lost my patience as at least some of that is typical 5yo behaviour which I need to tell him off for but OMG when I do he screams in my face, sometimes lashes out, slams doors, throws things around, kicks doors and walls and I just can't take it today.

He is worst for me and seems to hold it together more (but not entirely) for others. Others also have more patience than I (dm, mil, dsis etc) and I feel it's my fault this is happening.

What can I do? Posted here due to the possible asd and maybe me needing to take a different approach. Paed and SALT both say asd just waiting on September for ed psych referral to go in, classroom assessment by paed and for an OT appointment for his sensory issues.

He's on the waiting list. I rang yesterday and its 6 months long. We've been put on the cancellation list and he's number 11 on that.

Dh doesn't wake and I would still be awake fretting. It's not fair but my life is easier as he's a miserable bastard who will nap in the day if he has to get up early or in the night.

I wish I could afford to work less. My other ds has extra needs too and I can't work on his Physio as much as I'd like as ds1 is such hard work. I do love him though.

I have a meeting with ds1's new teacher on Monday. Good thing is she's asked for a copy of his salt exercises and they will use them in his language links group so I'm pleased about that.

His sleep is still awful though. Dh slept downstairs last night to give me a night off. Good job he did as ds was in bed with me and I still didn't notice him get up twice (3.15 and 5.30). I'm so greatful to dh for giving me a full night of sleep. He's also taking ds to work in the morning (I'm picking him up at lunchtime) so I have time with ds2 and some relaxation time too.

Night waking 1 down. Will we ever know why he wakes?

And again.

And again. I'm going to give up if he gets up again.

He's been up for about an hour. Tried to get dh to get up with him and he said it is my turn to get up so he can have a lie in. Suppose I should be greatful for yesterday forgetting I have done every single other waking since I can remember with both children and I get up for work at 6.10 after all the wakings and he gets up after 7 and a full night sleep.

I'm being a bitch aren't I?

I will do. I left a message with his paediatrician's secretary last week so ill ring her first just in case and if she hasn't been able to get a message to pass on ill ring the GP.

Work wise I had 2 weeks off with stress/depression in July (I'm on fluoxetine) so I can't take anymore time off. If it carries on I will have to start getting the train rather than driving as I don't think I'm safe that early after such little sleep.

Btw I keep posting the times on here so I don't forget. I need to do a sleep diary but need to buy a diary in order to do it lol.

I will see what they say. Dh is still in bed and I'm getting . If I bring it up it will be made to be my fault and he does work more hours than me out of the home. I have been lazy recently with both ds having hot dinners in school/nursery I've not done a proper dinner for a while or really done a proper clean of the house so I can't even say I do that so we "work" the same.

Oh I don't know what to do :(.

Ds is an angel for us (well puts a devil horns from time to time which is typical mischievous beh for his age) but its a problem in school an everyone else that opposes to his plans, wishes, needs and they get the full on blast of behaviours.

For us timeouts at least te traditional never worked but a countdown of simple tasks he does for me will make him earn what he wants.

Most strategies are try and see, not all work with all kids.
I never developed time schedules as we would never been able to stick to it to begin with but I rewarded my son for doing what he is meant to do, him fittin in my daily schedule rather than opposite.
Wait till meltdown finishes though and then introduce a 54321 then small reward. Then when he is calm explain the behaviour if you think it's worth it or don't mention it if its behaviour you are trying to extinguish.

I'm sorry if I'm not clear have all kids running around me while I'm doing my best to get my thoughts together on the phone.

please consider getting some melatonin we were in a similar situation and were tearing each other apart with who should get up first. the relief of him going to sleep at 8pm was immense! Melatonin doesnt always keep ds asleep all night but there are other meds you can use if necessary. It is so hard you must have sleep!

Thank you. My dm is back from holiday and we are going for coffee tomorrow. She was a head at a special needs school and was a SEN specialist. Has loads of asd experience so will rack her brains too.

Oh god. Just got back into bed from re-settling ds1. He had obviously been up for a while before I woke. I'm starting to worry about this as I need to wake up straight away as he climbs in the kitchen to get what he wants and has no sense of danger in the sense he will walk on our glass cooker top.

I read him a story and stayed with him until he looked like he was drifting off but he was just so wide awake when I woke. I still can't get my head around it.

I also wanted to mention he has started poohing himself. It's not loose and he's not ill. He doesn't get upset by it and just says he didn't go to the toilet. 4 times in a week. He hasn't had poo toilet issues before. Never been great with his wees and we get fairly frequent wetting accidents and he's happy to sit in a wet pull-up after bed etc but this is new.

I spoke to his secretary again and she's going to chase him up. I have a telephone appointment with a GP on Thursday so hopefully something will be sorted soon.

I'm tired but armed with an academic diary so I can do a proper sleep diary rather than just winge here . I'm also going to use it to note number of meltdowns (if any) and other "odd" behaviours to help us in appointments.

How are you? You have been fab poltergoose and so patient "listening" to me all this time. I really really appreciate it.

I spoke to his paed today, he's referring us to a special needs health visitor so I have some support and advice between appointments. If I have a full night of sleep on top of that I will feel like a lottery winner .

Just an update. The special needs health visitor is coming on Monday which is great.

I thought we had a few really good nights, I slept through 3 nights in a row. The bad thing is this morning I came downstairs at 6.30 ish and DS1 was on the computer (we have 2 screens he had a game on one screen and youtube on the other - how! he's 5!!). Anyway I digress, I hadn't heard him come downstairs so I thought he'd got up at around 5.30 (two previous nights he'd done 9pm to 5.30am) but thought I had better check the internet history...

3.15am. THREE BLOODY FIFTEEN!! He's 5! He was wide awake, not even flagging. How and WHY!!!

Had health visitor today, she was really helpful and had a lot of ideas to help my touch seeking ds sleep better. She thinks we would be eligible for dla so will help us with the forms. She's so lovely.