Hi, I am wondering if anyone has had experience of my situation. If so I would love to know if/how you survived, and how long it took for things to improve, or if there is anything I could do to manage it better!
DD is 3.2 and is not managing well with the arrival of her little brother 3 weeks ago. It's not simply a case of sibling rivalry or her nose being put out of joint, although there is certainly an element of this as we have had some impressive tantrums, on a scale we have not previously experienced. These I can ride out, but the real issue, which is making me feel quite desperate, is her very sensitive hearing and hyper-sensitivity to certain sounds - in particular small children squealing and babies crying. She has always been badly affected by certain loud noises - sirens, hand dryers - and as a baby even someone laughing very loudly would really distress her. Her reaction to noises has generally improved over time, but an increasing fixation (and it really does seem like a fixation, whereby she can get almost as distressed by the anticipation of the sound as by the sound itself), is with other kids and babies making noise. This has caused issues in her childcare situation, where on a number of occasions she has become inconsolable when the other kids at her childminder's get excited or a bit boisterous, and also at social events like birthday parties, where she cries and wants to leave as soon as the volume and level of excitement creeps up a bit. She is often anxious about group activities as 'there will be children there, and they will be screaming/shrieking'. All this has concerned me for some time, and she has had a development assessment for ASD, which I would not be entirely surprised if she is diagnosed as being, and at the very least she ticks all the boxes for the Highly Sensitive Child. Thus far, assessments for ASD indicate that she doesn't seem to be on the spectrum, but that she is clearly suffering at the moment from social anxiety, possibly caused by, and certainly exacerbated by, her hearing hyper-sensitivity. We are being referred on to a hyperacusis specialist and are waiting for the appointment letter.
Whatever the end diagnosis is, my current predicament is that at the smallest peep or gurgle from her little brother she bolts from the room, announcing that 'he is crying', and when he does actually cry she almost immediately becomes very upset, crying and near hysterical. This is my first week of managing 2 kids on my own as DH's paternity leave is over, and I'm finding it really hard. Yesterday we had to turn round and go home 50 yards from the house because she became hysterical when the baby started to grumble in the pram, and this morning we had 3 episodes of her getting very distressed by him crying, which almost finished me off. I think some of the drama is undoubtedly just because she's a 3 year old adjusting to a new sibling, but much of the time her distress at his noise is genuine and, as frustrating as it is to put up with, I am also worried it may be actually damaging for her to go through this emotional trauma many times on a daily basis, and also may have negative impact on her forming a relationship with her brother. She seems to have accepted the fact that he is here, and here to stay, but she is anxious around him much of the time (due to anticipating his cries), and her behaviour is generally avoidant. This makes me very sad, also because it means I am not enjoying these precious first weeks with him as much because I am so preoccupied and upset about how it's affecting her (and life in general at the moment). Just for the record, while we have always acknowledged her distress at the sounds she is sensitive to, we have always tried to play down their significance and encouraged her not to be worried or afraid of them, but in the case of her little brother it is just not working. It also means that I am spending enormous amounts of time breastfeeding him as it keeps him quiet!
Thanks for reading and hoping someone may have some advice for me...