Challenging behaviour in social settings

[bella7]

just wondering if anyone else is in a similar position. My DS was assessed as having SPD last year and we are looking further into ASD. In a calm environment he is delightful (if not a bit bossy) but when he is out in a social setting his behaviour is really challenging, shouting and screaming, hitting out, snatching, throwing things etc. He loves to meet up with friends but can't cope when doing so. i try to pre warn him and prepare him as to what he will be doing but nothing seems to help! Do I avoid social settings or continue with the battle? It's at the point where I can't sleep the night before meeting up with others as I'm so worried about the next day.

Not sure that I can help with this but I can sympathise. My ds is extremely hard to handle in social situations and dh and I just have to keep a very close eye on him and restrain and remove when we see the warning signs. Luckily we have some very understanding friends but even then we also experience trepidation for days before any (very rare) gathering.

Ditto. My 4 year old was diagnosed as with ASD two months ago but unlike his brother who is now 6 and also ASD, he behaves as yours does - hitting, screaming, biting, throwing things and generally 'space-invading'. He has no empathy with upsetting others.

I avoid a lot of situations and just stick to the few friends who understand but even then I sometimes cut it short. Still not quite sure what the answer is, except to persevere and maybe get some coping methods from an Occupational Therapist, that he can use in these situations.

Thanks for your replies, it is so helpful as i don't know anyone else in the same position to talk to. I think i'm guilty of hiding my ds difficulties so he comes across as naughty and imature, quite the opposite of his true personality. He has been subjected to some bullying behaviour lately which is making things worse. At which point do you say my child has difficulties, as Im worried it will make social situations harder for him.
We saw a private ot who gave him a sensory diet to follow. In your experience, has the the pediatrician been helpful or understanding in the more emotional side of the condition?

Sympathetic yes, understanding - to a point. I think the true understanding only comes from actually living the life we live, day in day out and the kind of challenges we face all the time.

I too find it frustrating that the image other people see of my son, is not his true personality. He is very bright, maybe too much in that his head struggles with all the information he is trying to process - I don't know as sadly, I can't get inside his mind. He learns things very quickly and can already read at 4 years, however, a lot of the time he seems possessed and the need to lash out is beyond his control - like you say, making him seem naughty and immature. I see mothers looking at me, as if to say "why doesn't she reprimand him"..... if only...

He is due to start in Reception this September and I dread what his peers will make of him but I can only see that he is given the right support by voicing my concerns at the beginning and getting daily feedback.

So hard, as I'd love to keep him at home, protected from those who would judge him and single him out but know that's not allowing him to move forward.

My son is 6 so have been through the difficulties of introducing him to the school environment that you are concerned about. We found that the classroom isn't so bad, he wears headphones when things get too much but playground is a different matter. It took a long time to get school to recognise he wasn't just naughty. They are brilliant now! It is hard, but keeping communications open with school has really helped. He can now manage 20mins in the playground before becoming overloaded.

Know what you mean about wanting to keep them safe and secure at home. When things were at there worst i considered home schooling. Would have made life so much easier for him.
Does your 6 year old struggle?

bella7 - yes, he does struggle in the social situations and I am going to ask them to take an hour away from the classroom assistance and provide it at break times, including lunchtime, where I feel he is most vulnerable.

I did look at home-schooling too but with two of them this wouldn't have been feasible and it's surprising just how anti the LA is, making it clear they offer no financial support for this, just monitoring that we adhere to the national curriculum!

vimeo.com/52193530 anyone new to the world of autism - whether nosy neighbours, tricky teachers or scornful shoppers, could do with looking at that wonderful 2 min video showing what the world is like for many of us with autism and sensory differences. No wonder many end up panicking and fighting for their lives to get away from the pain and confusion of noisy, busy places. Well worth keeping things to a minimum, lots of breaks, sunglasses and headphones to minimise sensory input, etc. Experiment with different coloured sunglass lenses to see if one sort helps more than another, too. And watch out for places lit by fluorescent lighting. It's often the worst for many of us.

My ds is 7 so we have had 3 yrs of schooling so far. Ds' difficulties were clear to us for so long and although there were plenty of problems (hurting other children, emotional outbursts, not sitting still) in reception head and senco just put it down to immaturity. His teacher urged us to pursue a diagnosis through nhs. The probs continued in yr1 but most of ds' behaviours were saved up for outside school (typical for PDA) and we've endured a violent meltdown every day after school for three long years.
It's only 2 yrs later that we have finally got confirmation of what we have known all along, and a diagnosis of pda (with the help and support of a new head and a v experienced class teacher. She told us at start of yr she would be able to get him engaged and moderate his behaviour and that in 20 yrs teaching she'd not failed yet. But by Xmas she said, I've never taught another child like your ds and he's not responding to me at all!
They agreed to adopt the PDA techniques and adaptations and things are a little better. I'm hoping if he gets ADHD confirmed as well and medication we will see more improvements.
Ds is a Jekyll and Hyde character and his behaviour is so variable it sometimes makes me think I am hallucinating. He can go from articulate, charming, and affectionate to screaming, shouting and lashing out in literally seconds.
I find it hard to let people know about his diagnosis, I think because of the Jekyll and Hyde part of it, I think people will wonder what the hell I am talking about sometimes! And the other reason is that when I start to talk about it I just cry, and that really isn't like me at all. So I tend to have the words 'he has autism' on the tip of my tongue but they just don't come out.

Jekyll and Hyde is the perfect description! I've not heard of PDA, will research this further.
I showed my ds the video clip recommended by amberlight and asked if this is what it is like? His words, "Yes, miserable isn't it!" Bless him, I could have cried.

Just read everything I can find on PDA and apart from delayed early language, he ticks every box. Can't believe i haven't heard of it before! The phrases we have used over the past few years - why do you have to be so controlling? Don't try to bully us into doing what you want, why do we seem to pander to him so much to get him to do every day things?
He had total refusal of new toys, books and clothes until he was 5! He will be playing beautifully picking daisys in the park then find a stone and stab it into me! Talks constantly whilst playing decribing what he is doing. Have truely never met another child like my DS.
We are due to see the paediatrician in a few weeks as a follow up appointment to ADHD and ASD evaluation forms. Did you ask for a specific PDA assessment? Do your children get additional support in school? Thanks for all your responses.

amberlight - wow! Just watched this video and it's very powerful, thanks for that.