Not really sure what I am getting at. Post diagnosis questions.

[Mrsdoasyouwouldbedoneby]

Ok... So since DS was a baby really I have felt something to be 'up'. Just little things, and I put them down to me feeling like I hadn't bonded etc his behaviour as 2 yr old became challenging but as I had another baby I put it down to jealousy etc (he used to bite me till I was covered in bruises and pull my hair out in clumps). I asked for help managing as I was depressed and told I could go to parenting classes but was doing all the right things anyway. They were shocked at the bruises and just asked how I stopped him. I pointedly said that I had not bitten him back (and they were surprised at this). At 4 he was still being very sicky etc (had been from birth), and his speech development had changed, he used made up words and did not seem aware of the listener needing to understand even tho he had started talking early. He was referred and was told he would eventually stop being sick and he was rather lively but I was over anxious (same dr who eventually put forward for diagnosis 5 yrs later) and it could just be immaturity. His speech was tested and was ok although he demonstrated the eccentricity of explaining why the items matched rather than isolating e odd one out etc... He was also hitting out/ scratching at preschool and sometimes school (under provocation) and at school although he was fine a few parents branded him a bully because of his preschool scratching. He was also easily upset etc...

Anyway that is getting too long. He carried on. Struggling with each yrs transition (between classes. Strangely not when changing school, just yr?). Having emotional meltdowns in school and always easily upset. Finally the school referred him. Saw dr (as above), who referred him to paed. She then put him through the diagnostic process and all agreed some kind of mild ASD (they used AS interchangeably).

But you see. I am not sure his new school is convinced... His old one was always a bit questioning as it was his first school not them who pushed for diagnosis. He is good in school. Copes well unless they change something or he has to work with others so they did not/could not list anything on his IEP. Nor have they helped him with his outbursts because they are not disruptive (at school. He lays into me when he gets home), and is only him getting upset.

He has only been at new school for 4 weeks and have yet to see what will happen in sept. they have said he 'has made lots of friends. I don't need to worry about him in class" but also noted that he 'needs to know' he can trust teachers etc and have managed a couple of melt downs. I just don't know that they believe me. Because it isn't that severe? He doesn't meltdown in class etc.

Not sure what I am typing really. Just worried I am a fraud who has labelled my son unnecessarily.

Sorry so long!

If I described my 4 year old as a bit 'rough', it would be a bit of an understatement. I knew at 2 years old something was up but initially due to his speech delay. He used to run backwards and forwards as if he was trying to use up some excess energy and even now does, what I call 'a lap of honour'. He bounces off things, flapping his hands as if he has no control over them, or the energy that he is feeling.

He throws things, usually heavy items, at me or his elder brother, bites, scratches and pinches and thinks when he makes me cry (after a hard bite or on the receiving end of one of his throws), that it is a game. He can flit between the cute little boy who dotes on me (and he does always come to me for comfort or a cuddle, obsessed with my bosoms as a source of comfort) but I have noticed he's getting more rough, particularly with me.

Do not feel a fraud. His behaviour is very real and it is always difficult when they behave differently under a controlled environment, like school or an assessment. I have recently thought about videoing his 'outbursts' to show to those doubting-Thomas's - is this maybe an option?

Alternatively, does the school have a SENCO who can get someone from the LA to come and assess him in his home environment, or can you get a referral to see an Occupational Therapist, who may be able to offer some insight and coping methods for him. He sounds like he has some frustrations and the obvious vent for those are to you, as he expects you to fix them for him.

My son was diagnosed with ASD 2 months ago but I am convinced there is some ADHD or hyperactivity which adds to his angst. You clearly need someone out there to 'believe' you and in you, that you are doing all you can but need some additional support.

Not sure if any of this helps.

Thank you! That is helpful. I think I will try to speak to the SENCO at school come September because one of the reasons I chose the school was because of parental support. Just feel like a fraud asking for help when so many children are much more challenging. The hardest thing for me is his closedoffness: that part that doesn't emotionally connect. I know why he can't but it is still hard. And he does present this to others. At his old school the report (even tho he had the diagnosis) weighed heavy on his inability to work co-operatively with others... But of course he was 'fine' and was making 'friends'... He just isn't a smash up the classroom challenge (they did have a couple of children who expressed themselves this way), and he didnt really struggle much with school (aside from handwriting which they complained about in his report but didn't actually structurally help him with... ). Hoping the new school will recognise his needs more, they seem to. In other words. If they want him to improve his handwriting they need to tell him so and NOT tell him only to worry about it at certain times, or not bother to join up etc and they need to tell him which ways he can do it. They KNEW he had ASD tendencies before he was diagnosed but because (aside from when crying in class) he is relatively quiet they can't see that just doing a daily timetable is not enough... They needed to be clear about the tasks they set him too. I thought they were. But clearly not.

I guess it was hard excuse he couldn't really tell them how he felt, it's not the big changes that bother him, and occasional omissions become general rules to him (like with the handwriting.... Or other things that happen once accidentally and therefore become a rule...).

My Dd3 has Asd, she has developed many coping strategies for during the school day.

She finds it very difficult to talk to teachers and is not able to tell them if she is worried or upset. So she bottles up all her problems and brings them home with her and then explodes.

There have been times when she hasnt been able to manage this and then she has vommited at school.

The trouble with her strategies is that they leave most teachers completely flumoxed as to why she has an Asd diagnosis, in there mind children with Asd are hiding under tables or having meltdowns.

Sadly the autism training for teachers and other school staff is very poor or non existant in many schools so its no wonder they dont get it.

The thing that struck me from your post is that your son has a diagnosis, the school dont have the option not to believe it, the staff are not developmental paediatricians so they are not qualified to say whether or not he has Asd.

I think you should arrange a meeting with the senco and go and ask him or her what the school are going to do to ensure your sons needs are met.

Good luck

Oops wrong their sorry

Also, see if the SENCo can give you any names of other mothers with children who have ASD or give your name to them, (which I think is probably more acceptable), you can then have some additional support within the school itself. There is bound to be some, bearing in mind statistics of 1 in 100!

I'm also getting onto the case with my sons headmistress, to ensure all the teachers, not just those who are in close contact with them, receive training or given advice on how to handle children with special needs. The focus has to be on more understanding that there is no one stereotypical format that they come in. So fed up with being told 'oh, he doesn't look it' - what the hell is he supposed to look like!!!

Good luck again & keep posting any updates - good or bad x

Mrsdo,

I would see the SENCO and make an application for a Statement of Special Needs to the LEA in the meantime. Children with special needs who are undemonstrative, complaint and quiet in a classroom can all too easily get ignored on missed.

Many teachers as well are simply not trained or trained enough to effectively work with children who have additional needs.

Also children can bottle up all the frustrations of the school day only to take it out on the nearest and dearest when the child returns home from school. That can be an indication that the child's additional needs at school are simply not being met.

IPSEA's website is www.ipsea.org.uk. You are your child's best - and only advocate.

Think you guys! Sorry it has taken so long to reply. We have been having a busy last couple of weeks of the holidays! They go back tomorrow and I intend to try and speak to the SENcO or at least ask her to call me. Think I need to drill into them his needs and ask that they don't go on what his previous school did/said. So hard when he 'seems' fine (but can't co-operate, cries easily etc etc), esp when you get other mums saying "oh yes my son does that, tantrums all the time, it's an age thing etc etc". I only wish it was. He has been tantruming since he was a baby and has never stopped! Lol

Anyway. Thanks again and I will 'try' to remember to update!

Update: well. I saw the SENCO and the class teacher. It seems DS has settled really well and has made lots of friends. Academically he is no worry at all and he is being 'good' in class with no issues at play time etc. to be fair, I have noticed an improvement since he went back to school so here's hoping. He is also happier (I think) at this school than the previous one and seems more engaged with his learning. So I hope that continues. They will work on some of the things they have noticed but do it broadly as there is a group of them struggling with the same thing. He reads extremely well but struggles to comprehend a text (he understands the words just not more tacit stuff). I explained his friendships tend to be like this. He is friendly and seemingly sociable (EVERYONE and ANYONE he speaks to for more than 2 mins is classed as a friend), but struggles to sustain friendship beyond the superficial. They have taken this on board (not that it matters to DS as he isn't that bothered lol).

So it's kind of good to know my son is making me out to be a liar and good to know they are supporting him.

The school itself seems very suited to DS and children with ASD type conditions anyway. It was in special measures particularly in relation to behaviour, so they have a very clear policy and class charters etc. Their bullying policy is the best bit as it is so clear for DS (FIRST forget, ignore, remind them of your rights and their responsibilities, -tell them to- stop and then tell a teacher). DS knows the teachers will deal with stuff and not call him a tell tale, and that is hugely reassuring. So strong boundaries, clear rules and structure! Fab! Happier now! They will also tell me if he seems a bit off it (so I can prepare myself for the tantrum at home...).

Feeling a bit tho as he seems fine at the moment (this is good but makes me out to be over anxious, lol). Thing is he really is one among many here, so this might be why he is ok and feels more settled? Who knows.