Camping causes conflict.....

[Karenot1]

I recently went away for the weekend with my two boys S 14 and M 12 who has cp and one of my best friends and her partner (no kids) and two other single mums who each have a young toddler.
Quite a few things over the weekend happened that upset me about my friend, the usual lack of consideration and understanding (walking with me to the shower block as i was pushing the wheelchair and juggling dirty dishes over grass and never once asking to help) but a couple of things really got to me....
One, she chose a beach that to get to it would have meant i would have to carry M over about 10m of stones before we hit the sand (not wheelchair friendly). When i saw it i said that i would take M for a walk first (as i was so gobsmacked). When i got back not only had they all gone over the stones, but they had gone right out where the sea was which, even if i had made it over the stones - there was no way i was going to carry him that far...
I sat in the car with M and cried.
The second is on the sunday when we were packing up, she got up in a bad mood and didn't say good morning but made a huge fuss of the two toddlers and just completely ignored M. He is non verbal but tried to get her attention on several occasions and was just ignored like he was nothing.
I haven't seen her since coming home and keep making excuses. I don't have many friends so loosing her friendship will be one less social outlet for me! But i cant get passed the fact that she has treated my son with so little respect. Would appreciate your thoughts x

its not nice at all but on the other hand I have a friend that is just so used to my kids that she really doesn't think about them or DS2's needs.
When I point out that we cant join in or do something because it isn't suitable for Ds2 she usually just says that she didn't consider it & she is so used to us just getting on with it that she didn't think.
Maybe she is so familiar that she doesn't really see you ds's disability.

How would she respond if you asked for help or objected to going to the beach?

Sounds frustrating, but often my family do the same. I get annoyed but have realised that they don't live in my head, and most of them don't have children atm, let alone disabled children, even if they did have once iyswim.

The worst times are when plans change as I have to do so much prep. It all then falls apart.

Thank you for your comments, its really nice to have other points of view. I guess i am too sensitive sometimes and you are right, it probably didn't even enter her head whilst it was acutely spinning around mine x

Thank you for your comments, its really nice to have other points of view. I guess i am too sensitive sometimes and you are right, it probably didn't even enter her head whilst it was acutely spinning around mine x

It may be that it didn't occur to your friend that you couldn't push a wheelchair over pebbles or on sand. The number of places we have been to with DD which have said they are "accessible" only to find they have put down gravel paths in which the gravel is so deep, it is impossible to push a wheelchair on it.

When we plan to go out with friends to visit places, the 1st question we ask is "Is it littlebluebusible"?, in other words, can DD access it. If it isn't, we don't go (though in fairness, our friends now understand our limitations and wouldn't suggest anywhere inaccessible in the 1st place) I don't mind hanging around whilst people climb turrets for example, as long as we can access the rest of the attraction, but if it is a visit to a beach, it either has to be completely accessible, or friends have got to be prepared to assist with brut force to get DD across difficult bits - which they always are.

There were 2 spare/child free adults in your party who could have helped get your son and his wheelchair over the stones and across the sand (pulling it backwards is usually the best option). Maybe you just need to put the problem in their court by asking them to figure out how you are all going to get your DS onto the beach in future.

A successful day out with a wheelchair unfortunately requires a lot of advance planning to avoid disappointment. Google is your friend.