Autism, toileting - need some quick advice

[Lookslikerain]

DS is 3.5. He has an autism diagnosis. He is getting good at talking though communication when we needs things can still be an issue. He does usually tell me he's done a poo. He starts nursery in a week and a half. They say its fine if he's still in nappies but I thought I'd have a crack at getting him into pants before he starts.

Did the whole "no more nappies, big boy pants etc" last night and he was fine with that. This morning, onto the toilet (he did nothing) and into pants. So far, 4 accidents. Two he told me about, the other 2 I found. I have been asking if he needs to go, and I have just been taking him to the toilet but haven't managed to catch one yet. I wish I could because then I'd have something to praise. Trying I keep it easy, no pressure, no saying it's naughty etc, but oh it's so frustrating!

He's now on the potty with the iPad and a cup of juice, watching peppa pig. Hoping I can catch one this way.

Is this a lost cause? Any good advice please?

4 poos in a morning is a lot. Is he always this frequent?

DS1 was almost 8 before we got him clean and dry during the day, but it was definitely more effective, once he was ready, to train him to use the toilet effectively before ditching the nappies - any accidents really sapped his confidence, no matter how clamly they were dealt with. He just didn't like the feeling.

Sorry, it was 4 pees, not poos! He's prone to occasional bouts of constipation so sometimes I'd be ecstatic with 4 poos in a morning.

I do think he's ready physiologically, but it's making the connection between the needing to go and the toilet, and then being able to tell me beforehand. Actually, writing it down it does sound like I'm asking a lot, given his communication isn't great. I'll stick with it for today and see what happens.

Not a lost cause but (if my DD is anything to go by) it is a LONG road!!!
DD is 4.5 now and been out of nappies during day for about a year. She was ready but has just taken a lot longer to get it. sometimes she just goes off and goes herself and other times she just stands and does it in her pants! Mostly dry and clean now (poo took alot longer than wee) but just this week has still had 2 accidents at nursery one day.
We have a seat like potty in the living room (yuk i know but the things you do eh!!?) and I felt it really helped take the pressure off as I would get her to sit on then just leave her reading a book or watching tv without hovering over her!
A trick we found in the very begining to get her used to the sensation of peeing without a nappy on was to pour water from one jug to another while she was on potty to make her need to go!!! Then it gave us chance to do the over the top praise thing!!
Good luck....you will get there!!!

Thanks jo. Feels like a long (wet) road already and we've only been doing it today!

So, now have had 6 pairs of wet pants. Number 5 he told me he wanted to go to the toilet, took him, he didn't do anything then did it on the floor and slipped in it. Number 6 he did then said something to me about the toilet. I'm taking this as a positive as at least he's aware of it. Sigh.

Keep going, my dd didnt even know what pee was, had to teach her when she peed on the floor. First few days are the hardest but it should get easier as u can the wee and give praise/treat. Keep positive and dont let autism undermine your child, iv made that mistake!

Good luck!

As you catch the wee

It took us 14 months, starting at the age of three... Not wishing to sound gloomy here. We did great at first, but then hit regression and back to square one. My tips are:

Go straight to loo (don't use pottys as then you have another hurdle when you wish to get rid of the potty).

Get a special loo seat that has a flip down kid seat in the lid (B&Q sell these)

If needed, for example if you child has balance issues, build a large box step all the way around the loo (water proof mdf worked for us, do you know anyone handy with a saw / drill?)

Use bribes. All sweets were banned in our house, except a smartie / choc drop after anything went in the loo

Visual time tables in the loo and somewhere obvious like the fridge

Keep a spreadsheet noting when anything happens to help you identify a patten

Use a reward chart with an associated visual time table. Pic 1 child with legs crossed and worried look. Pic 2 walking to the loo - we put child with footprints in front going to the loo. Pic three sitting on the loo. Pic 4 something in the loo. And so on. We had to include a picture of mum putting tick in the reward chart at the end so DS could understand the reward chart concept

Do not use pull ups - this just made DS think he still had a nappy on.

We didn't even use pants for a while as the feeling of 'containment' made him think he still had a nappy on - so he went commando. We explained to nursery and they were fine. In the end we got some rather large baggy boxer shorts which were OK.

We also out fly stickers in the loo which he could aim at (make sure you put them right by the water line of wee goes everywhere)

Put Ping-Pong balls with faces drawn on for your child to aim at. When you hit them they spin about which is fun.

You will get there. It's a long road. Thank god we had wooden floors downstairs (and kept a baby gate up for the duration). We bulk brought antibacterial wipes and just had mega amounts of kitchen towel, cleaning products and sterilising solution to hand. In the end it just became part of life, all those accidents, and looking back I sometimes wonder how we had the patience. But what a relief once you're out the other side. Hang in there.

I pretty much got the advice that drowningbynumbers has listed. We are still on a partial prompt stage. Its a loooooong journey

Thanks all for your advice.

drowning great tips. Your post didn't sound gloomy; I'd rather be realistic about how long it might take.

It's still not going well. Still haven't 'caught' anything in the toilet. I've had him in pants and have been taking him to the toilet at various points. I'm pretty sure he knows what I'm looking for, he just doesn't want to do it. He'll wait until he's off the toilet and then do it without warning.

He does ask us for water when thirsty or food when hungry, so he should be capable of communicating a need to go. And I think he is aware (physically) of the 'need'. It just seems like he hasn't put it altogether in his head yet! I feel like I need to get him to do something in the toilet for it to 'click' in his head. But it feels like a bit of a fine line between that and annoying him with my obsession (in his eyes) with taking him to the bathroom!