Exhausted physically and emotionally...

[Sokmonsta]

But this is just the start of our voices being heard.

Ds1 is 3. For 2 years we have been back and forth with varying intervals to gp & HV with concerns for our son. Well, I say we... Naturally myself as mum has made and attended all appointments albeit with discussion from dh. Finally I snapped and told dh he had to be at one meeting as I felt
I was just repeating things over and over like a broken record, and being ignored as a 'neurotic' mother, or getting sympathising nods from people who I felt the whole time were looking on me as a mother with pnd who simply wasn't coping. I thought maybe some input from dad might help us find a way through.

Well it just about opened every bloody door!

We have a referral for a pediatrician.
HV visits regularly, and always calls back.
We've been invited to attend a support group for children with additional needs.
They're even getting us to fill in a form for dla.

I am torn between being angry that its taken them listening to dh to act and relieved that someone is actually listening to us. Proper listening, making notes and suggestions. Not just paying lip service with 'well you've got a lot on your plate', 'boys will be boys/challenging/active', 'typical middle child' 'it's just his age'.

I think I struggled because ds was our first boy and dd1 was so laid back as a baby/toddler I'd poke her while she was asleep to make sure she was ok

Ds1 was so categorically different that tbh it was easy to say it might be a boy thing.

That his constant need to be on the go was normal for a young boy. That boys are naturally more physical in their expression of emotion.

We were told 'boys are more clingy than girls'. That they are less verbal than girls.

'Its natural for dc to want to play with a favourite toy all the time'.

But dh and i felt ds1 pushed things to the extreme. Like the time he screamed solidly for 3 hours for no apparent reason. And nothing would get him to stop. Dh was at work and unable to leave so I drove to our nearest town to buy chocolate! He screamed all the way there and all the way back. I phoned the HV knowing it was a weekend evening and they wouldn't be there, said 'this is what he has done since 5pm and let him scream down the phone for the rest of the time the answer phone would take my message.

Thank you ladies so much. We had ds' appt today (so much for me thinking it was nov). It was an unbelievably positive meeting for us. Dr listened. Asked questions, have us her thoughts based on what we had said and what he was like today.

We've come away in utter shock tbh. We discussed things such as his age, that he's 'a boy', middle child and so on. But the dr was quite happy that we've considered these things and we still feel something isn't quite right. Even if he behaves one way at home and another while out.

She asked if we'd done the typical google things, to which dh said yes, he's considered ADHD and so on. Dr said its a possibility, that he displays traits. But that he also fits more traits of the autistic spectrum. So she's asked if we're happy for her to contact his preschool, said she wants to speak to her colleagues and we'll get appts to see other people elsewhere and at home. Then suggested with his sleeping issues melatonin might help. She explained it thoroughly so we've decided to give it a go. Slightly concerned that what we've got says not trialled for under 18's, so going to do a bit more research. But on the whole very happy that this dr has trusted our parental instincts and wants to work with us to rule things in or out. Phew! Still drained and exhausted. And emotional. But back to feeling like we might be chipping away at the big block of what makes ds tick.

Hi Sokmonster, I read your posts and i've been there.

I just wanted to reply and tell you that i know mothers who have used melatonin and its changed their family lives. I've posted this under a previous thread too as it came up. Most of the children i see with sleep issues have problems getting off to sleep and not staying asleep which is where the melatonin does help.

Its a hormone that occurs naturally in our bodies (so i was told) that children on the spectrum seem to be deficient in. If your ds does take it and it works - really the difference in him having a good nights sleep will be amazing.

I noticed you posted in August and you do have your plate very full.
We are here if anything ever gets too much, or you want more suggestions.
x

Thanks Lesley. Well just under 1 week in and we can actually put ds to bed and leave him there, safe in the knowledge that he will be asleep within a few minutes. I think the longest he's stayed awake was quarter on an hour. That was last night and we're staying at friends so he's completely out of routine. Tea was later, bed was much later and so on.

We've noticed an improvement in his night time wakings. He still wakes, but he goes back to sleep much better. We've taken a suggestion from here I think and give one tablet crushed and one whole. I don't know if we should be seeing a difference so soon, or if our fears about being listened to have been relaxed so we're feeling more positive. But both dh and I are also getting a better nights sleep. Although I admire to waking at 4am this morning to an absolutely hysterical ds. He had quite obviously been crying for some time as he was all gaspy. But lying with him for a cuddle helped settle him down. He joined us in bed for a little while half an hour later but then chose to go back to his bed and slept until half 6. This is progress!

I'm trying to get our home routine sorted out so it is portable. We don't have much of a one outside school days so this week has been very challenging and we've had meltdowns over the most trivial of (and usually avoidable) things.

Still. Onwards and upwards. Tackling eating, or lack of at the moment too.

Day. From. Hell. Even il's rang to say ds had a very bad day and they found it very very upsetting.

Ok so question. Any idea how to get people out of the fixed notion that because ds is fine for them he is normal. I've tried explaining how he bottles up any stress and it explodes out at home where he feels safe and it's falling on deaf ears. Particularly with my sister. I actually think she terrifies ds most of the time hence him appearing compliant. I thought dad was bad enough but we've shown him that he and ds have common ground in a love of all things train-related so we have been able to prevent a certain amount of stress to both of them (they are very similar although dad would never acknowledge this).

Well my mum may have a slightly better understanding of ds and how he is at home than she did previously. We went out for the evening this weekend and mum came to ours to watch the dc. Twins were in bed when she arrived and we were just giving Ds his 'special' medicine. Despite preparing ds for the week beforehand that mummy and daddy were going out and nanny was coming to look after them, ds had generally been having a few bad days so was getting more and more upset as we got ready to go out. Having tantrums over silly things and finally clinging to me like superglue as I was trying to leave the house. I actually had to ask my mum to come and remove him from my leg as he wouldn't let me go. Once we had left mum said she calmed him down bribed him with some Thomas on DVD and put him to bed. But he was incredibly restless and calling/crying out until he passed out. This continued for the rest of the night when we got in. Which resulted in me being up all night with him so he didn't disturb anyone else. Then going back to bed when dh got up at 7. I then slept until 2pm poor dh was tearing his hair out when I got up.