My 4 year old son was recently diagnosed as ASD / possibly Aspergers though too young to confirm. He is extremely bright; learns most things in a week, such as numbers, letters, how to ride a scooter, potty-training etc. His older brother is 6 years old. 'O' was diagnosed as ASD when 4 too, following the road of hearing tests and speech & language therapy beforehand. His diagnosis was a shock to me, despite having spent numerous hours / days / weeks on the internet to discover what his problem was. I skimmed over 'autism' as I didn't want this to be it, so when diagnosis came, the shock was more confirmation and official, rather than a surprise.
When 'F' was born, I prayed he would be different. Dare I say normal? No, as their Occupational Therapist says 'normal' is just a cycle on the washing machine. A-typical then.
So here I have 2 boys who are on the spectrum. However, they are very different.
The 4 year old - 'F' has the added difficulty of being hyperactive. I know he was 'different' if you like very early on, at about age 2. Having been down this road before with 'O', I suspected a variant on the ASD label.
I have learned to cope with a child with autism and their various idiosyncrasies. The challenges that regular activities become monumental in the preparation for them or their intolerance of them. Routines and familiarity. What I wasn't prepared for was the hyperactivity of 'F' and how it, together with all the other challenges, completely leaves me drained.
His hyperactivity manifests itself in the jumping, poking, biting, lashing out, (not in anger most of the time), but simply appears that he lacks control of his arms as he reaches out and that his brain is befuddled as the appropriate response, so he resorts to the physical response.
He is very mummy-focussed. Obsessed with my bosoms as an area for comfort and his base, which he returns to. He will quite openly vocalise this as 'I need your bosoms'. He lacks the empathy, as ASD children tend to but will even find humour even after throwing a heavy metal toy in my face or biting my arm and run away laughing as to confirm his part in the 'game'.
He does not respond to anger or firmness of instruction. Time-out has no worries for him. He cries easily if his brother hits back and is distraught as to why this has even happened, oblivious that his hitting his brother first has caused this retort.
He gets tired easily but can snap out of it fairly quickly and return to the havoc-wreaking, toing and froing bag of beans.
I feel this hyperactivity is sure to be ADHD and together with this, I see signs of potentially Dyspraxia (originally mentioned when he was 3), and Dyslexia as he now reads numbers back to front. I suspect these were omitted from his diagnosis as his age means certain changes are inevitable.
I feel very isolated. Not that I believe for one minute I am alone in this situation but the kind understanding words from friends with or without children, is merely words as they cannot possibly understand how I feel. This 'invisible' condition continues to make people question if, in fact, it can be all that bad. Well my friends, it can. I challenge them to spend a day with my two, as beautiful (and they are very handsome), as they are. How talented and bright they are and how loving and perfect they are to me.
I have resisted reaching out to fellow-mums of similar children but I feel now may be the time to do so and would welcome any comments - not necessarily of help or advice but just a voice out in this void we call London. Thank you for reading.