please help I need advice, I'm struggling

[strongerandstronger]

My daughter is 4 in September and she is behind for her age in development. I struggle with her sometimes and worry a lot for her. Please, if there is anyone able to offer advice, I would greatly appreciate it.

My daughter struggles with language and uses a lot of jargon when speaking. When she talks she only seems to say the main words of a sentence such as the nouns and doesn't use the words in between e.g to, is, I, and.

When I take something away or don't give her something , I explain to her why, and she doesn't understand and gets very upset. She then gets upset about small things throughout the day.

She enjoys cartoons and when the telly is off, she will constantly repeat words or try to say phrases from what she has watched until something is allowed to go on the screen.
When I speak to her and ask a question, she will look like she is thinking and then will say something from a cartoon.

When there is noise around her or other people/children her concentration is very poor a lot of the time and it is extremely difficult to engage her. However when she is engaged on a one to one basis she can concentrate on something for about 1/2 hour maximum.

She can't follow instructions and most of the time I have to constantly repeat what I'm asking her to do.

At the moment I am trying to potty/toilet train as she is still in nappies. I am really struggling with this and it really upsets me as she only has a year before she goes to school and I just can't see her getting out of the nappies. 4 months ago when she started nursery and saw the other children were using the toilets, she actively told me 3 times when she needed the toilet. I took her up and she used it, I awarded her and praised her every time but then it just stopped. She is currently not in nursery as it is the 6 weeks holiday (nursery attached to a school) so I had planned to get her toilet trained during this time as when she goes back she will be there 3 full days a week. This lasted a day as I took her nappy off in the morning and explained to her what was happening. During the day she just peed in her clothes and didn't tell me once that she needed the toilet. Everytime it happened I didn't get cross but I explained to her that she needed to tell me when she wanted the toilet and I would take her. I showered and changed her 4 times that day before giving up.

She is very kind and has an extremely good memory and will be able to tell me where we are going whilst in the car even if we have only been there once before.

Please if you can help I would appreciate it.

I would follow your instincts and see about getting her assessed by a developmental paediatrician via your HV or GP.

Some of the issues you mention could point to an autistic spectrum disorder (ASD) but, obviously I'm just another parent and wouldn't want to worry you unnecessarily. Can't DX across the internet!

The jargon and echolalia (repeating TV, cartoons) sound very familiar. My gorgeous DS2 has ASD and used a lot of echolalia around 4. It did become proper communication in time and I would say it is a positive, better than being non-verbal.

He was always fantastic at concrete language, numbers, colours, shapes etc. Less good at telling me he was hungry or thirsty. Toiletting was a nightmare. Especially pooing. He has sensory issues, is under sensitive to touch and movement for instance, high pain threshold when small. I think he couldn't properly feel that he needed the toilet. It's still an issue at 13.

If she's 4 in September you have a year before she starts school. Use this time to voice your concerns, get her assessed, find out who the LEA area early years special needs coordinator (SENCO) is via your nursery, preschool or playgroup and get them involved, get an Educational Psychologist to assess her.

In the meantime get hold of More than Words. It was my bible for a while. Very useful, and won't hurt if your DD's issues are not ASD.

Keep posting on here. Lots of very informed parents who won't try to give you false reassurance or minimise things. Friends often mean well but that's usually what they end up doing.

Strongerandstrongeryour dd sounds very similar to my DS when he was 4. We first took him to a private SALT when he was 3.3, in the meantime the HV referred him to the NHS Salt (it just took 4 months to see Salt at the CDC).
He's 6.7 now and still have trouble following instructions, we have to break them down, talk in short sentences and use simple language. We use visual schedules nowadays and have helped immensely.
The first SALT at the CDC recommended us the book "Talkability" which I found very useful for strategies to engage him (we were told it works for kids which speech and language problems and not just AsD).
www.hanen.org/Guidebooks---DVDs/Parents/TalkAbility.aspx

Potty training wasn't easy, but he got rid of the nappies just before he was 4 (dry during the night since he was 2 though!) and he still has the occasional "accident" but he got there at the end. I think the problem with him is that he didn't understand what we were asking of him as his understanding was poor.
As polter said I would make a list of all your concerns and take it to the GP and ask for a referral to the developmental paed.

You can have a frank talk with the nursary and they can call people in from the lea to asses her.

Mainly you need to ask your gp to refer her to a pead

All advice above is great, but do something sooner rather than later as the waiting lists are so long!

Potty training with any child can be a nightmare! Maybe after a week she would improve, but it does sound like she might not be quite ready? It's hard when you feel under pressure to

With potty training, our pre-school recommended sitting him on the loo at regular intervals.
We got to know that, say 20-30 mins after a drink is when he would need the loo.
Poos we had to watch out for bad smells & we'd realise one might be on the way, and we would sit there with a favourite noisy toy/book (high-interest one to keep him seated)
It was limiting in that we needed to be near our home loo a lot (he favoured this over outside loos or a Potette) but eventually he has got the hang of it.
I think taking the pressure off does help, as she is a September baby you have a whole year to get this done, and also can use this time to get assessments done. Go to your GP this week, and ask for a referral to community paediatrics; there'll be a wait no doubt. Maybe try to keep a diary so that you have a list of things that have worried you,to,tell them about.

My dd has a severe language delay, shes 3.4 and I started speech therapy from when she was 3, i feel she has improved quite a lot, and is able to say 2-3 word sentences. She also speaks in jargon a lot and repeats what we say. I too was worried about the repetition but like ellen said, its a positive thing, my dd can now use what shes repeated in the right context.

Reg potty training, dont let her speech delay put u off, my dd learnt it in 2 days so she may surprise you! Just keep taking her every 20 minutes and lots of praise when she sits on it. Try entertaining her with something she likes.

Good luck!

Forgot to add, my dd also couldnt follow instructions (still cannot follow complex instructions) but she has gotten better, keep repeating and show her what u want her to do, she should pick it up after a while.