i URGENTLY need to know if i can refuse to go along with a punishment school has decided on please

[gigglinggoblin]

ds (7) has been excluded for 2 days. but rather than being at home, he is to be sent to a different school where he will be looked after in isolation. i have already told his headteacher i will not agree to this. unfortunately this happened today, they rang his dad - who they know i do not speak to - and i got a garbled message from grandparents when they dropped ds off at home (he had been for tea) along the lines of 'i believe he is spending a couple of days at xx school?'

now, the fact that i am LIVID with the head for not having the decency to speak to me about it (knowing that messages do not get passed on and knowing that i am the one to delivert and coolect kids from school most days) is not the point. i shall probably address this at another moment.

however i have no desire to go to prison because my child is not at school when he should be

so can i refuse to go along with this punishment? they have done similar before, whch i agreed to, but i told them never again as ds thought it was a wonderful treat last time. i actually spoke to the head TODAY and said i would definately not agree with it if she suggested this again, that i would keep him at home instead. so she then goes and arranges this.

well done if you got this far and tia for any info

thanks robinpud, thats great! he has been excluded before and they have given me similar letters. im not exactly disagreeing with the exclusion, just the fact she has arranged for him to go elsewhere, knowing i will not agree and also the fact she didnt bother to tell me! he does have pr www, but i have residency, i take them to and from school most of the time so its rather important that i am informed!

my dad has just suggested that maybe she told x that he would have to go if things dont improve and that he has taken it to mean he is going tomorrow - not sure if he could have done that. ex pils def told me he was excluded tho, so dont think that could be the case. am going to hold back a bit ti li know for definate tho, i wouldnt put it past him to have got it wrong. he isnt answering his phone so i cant check with him. gotd, hes a &*@!

gigglingoblin, stick to your guns from my experiance main stream have NO idea on SN children if you arent happy with the way your child is being treated and not given enough help fight it all the way.

Try \link{http://www.nas.org.uk/\national autistic society} they should give you some very good advice and also if it gets to the point of madness with them i would take it to the newspapers im sure they would be very intrested and the school will proberbly be kissing your feet good luck xx

\link{http://www.nas.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopoly.jsp?d=245&a=2405\about exclusion from the NAS}

have just bit of a shock - xp has just rung and said the kids can change schools. only this morning he was taking me to court over it! massive relief! am a bit happier, but not completely, i still think it was out of order

thanks redbull, i am going to go in tomorrow and have words, but at least i know now they will be somewhere better soon! i have had quite a bit of advice from nas, but couldnt find anything when i had a look before, probably the red mist getting in the way!

thank you all for advice :)

it makes me feel so much better that other people are outraged by this! like im not overreacting. :) they really havent got a clue, and tbh i dont know how to get around that. everything i have read has said the way to deal with AS is to reason and talk your way around it - its another way of thinking and they dont seem to understand that. I will be using these ideas when i go to speak to her tomorrow, am now counting the day til summer! thanks all

what has happened ggg?

thanks for asking robin :)

i kept him at home and rang school when i got back from morning drop-offs (no time to go into office in morning), head was in a meeting so couldnt talk to me (hmmmm), i spoke to ds1s support teacher instead. she was very surprised he wasnt at school because not only had they arranged for him to be taken to the other school by her that morning, but they had arranged with my x that i would pick him up at lunch time! 90% of the time when i drop him off at school i dont see a teacher as i leave him at the door so if i had not kept him at home he would have been whisked off and then left there cos i had no idea i was supposed to be picking him up. i have written a letter to the head explaining how i feel (not aggressive or anything but it gets the point across) and i shall wait til tonight before complaining to the governors, i told her if she didnt reply in writing by end of school today i would make a complaint. not much notice but i think 2 days is reasonable under the circumstances. i also spoke to the lea who said he can only be classed as excluded if we have had a letter saying so, and unless he is excluded he cannot legally be taken to another school. there was no letter yesterday morning, it was there by 3pm because i ranted about lack of information but i am very, very angry. and completely gobsmacked tbh, they know i dont speak to my ex, and i think aranging with him for me to collect ds from a different school is outrageous!

am laughing about it a bit more now, but only cos i have told so many people its starting to lose its shock value

ggg- it beggars belief really. I get so mad when people on here are constantly critical of teachers for things like not changing reading books; but when people do things like that I am furious with them for not doing right by the child and for being a twat to the profession.
You have 2 options btw, redress to the discipline committee but also the school must have a complaints policy so you have the chance to lodge a formal complaint about the communication.. or not.
I am for you but for ds because there is so much that could be done to meet his needs and help him cope with school and they aren't doing it are they?
Keep me posted

I've just seen this thread GG and in your position I would be absolutely furious!

The IEP sounds useless. Why on earth can't they think up a better strategy for the assembly problem?? Ds1's school does better than that even for NT children with no IEP!

It's also ludicrous that while on the one hand they are excluding him and sending him to another school because they can't cope with his behaviour they are also not doing anything to help get him a statement.

If they are so keen for both parents to be involved then they should be contacting both of you and not just your ex. Grrrr!