Any tips for getting DS to poo in the toilet rather than a nappy?

[zen1]

DS (4.8, ASD) refuses to poo in the toilet. He was toilet trained earlier this year (no problems, very happy to take himself to the toilet to wee, happy to flush etc), but has always waited until he has a nappy on in the evening before pooing. Sometimes, if we are later than usual getting him ready for bed, he will go in his pants. He is fully aware of what he is doing and knows we want him to use the toilet (as we're changing him, he'll make a comment like "if I want a new train, I have to do a poo in the toilet"). He also hates being dirty and asks us to change him straight away.

We've tried rewards, but he will only consider it worth his while if the reward is really significant like a new Hornby train, which isn't financially sustainable! He loses motivation if the reward isn't instant, so sticker charts (with the promise of a present after several stickers) don't work that well. I'm at a loss as to what to try next

How about letting him have the nappy on, but only if he sits on the toilet (with the nappy on). So you stick the nappy on, sit him on the toilet, give him a book to read and just sit and chat for a while. Hopefully after a while he should start pooing in his nappy but on the toilet.

Once you've got to this stage, continue for a couple of days then start fastening the nappy so its a little slacker, but still stick him on the toilet with a book.

Every 3 or 4 days make the nappy fit slacker until you don't fasten it at all but lie it in the toilet you might need some serious rubber glove for that one though

This has worked for lots of children I know, but its usually with the potty rather than the toilet.

Thanks for replying. The problem is, he is very private when he goes to the toilet and likes to lock himself in the bathroom while we are all downstairs. I always know when he is going to go because he checks we (rest of family) are downstairs and then will disappear upstairs to go. If I follow him up and ask if he needs the toilet, he will deny it and not go until I have left him completely alone. I guess I could ask him to sit on the toilet with his nappy on, but he would probably at me!

Sorry then. Hopefully someone will be along soon with some more ideas or support

Hi zen1, my ds did not like doing poos in the toilet either. He would ask for a nappy or he would do it in his pants. I eventually got him to do his poos in a big potty which we chose together from Sainsburys. I made a space for it in his bedroom in front of his television and I would put on one of his favourite dvds to watch while he sat on it. He used the potty for months and months before eventually moving onto the toilet. Getting him to wipe his own bottom has been the next challenge.

I think it is a good sign that your ds will do a poo in the toilet if the reward is big enough. Not sure how you would encourage him to do it without a reward. Hopefully you will get some good advice from others.

Best wishes x

Hi tacal. Actually, to be completely honest, when we were offering big rewards (at the beginning of the whole process), it was when he was using a potty rather than the toilet. Because he made the transition from potty to toilet fairly quickly for weeing, I assumed it would be better to encourage him to poo on the toilet rather than the potty. I think perhaps he would be slightly more likely to use the potty than the toilet, but the rewards would still have to be massive! His pre-school documented he did go on the toilet there once. Most people think he is fully toilet trained and don't realise he still has to wear a nappy to poo. Wiping his own bottom seems lightyears away, so it sounds like your DS is doing well . How did you get your DS to move on to the toilet? Was it something he just decided himself?

Hello my ds wasn't toilet trained till just before his 5th birthday. The annoying thing to me (at the time) was that he was dry overnight but would only wee in his nappy. It was only much later I discovered he didn't use the toilet because it wasn't specifically his. He needed to be told it was ok to use the toilet without being given specific permission to each time.

However as your ds seems to wee ok in the toilet, it occurred to me that this may be a sensory issue? Does he feel like he's lost control of the "drop"? Perhaps he doesn't like the splash? Or it may be the chill he feels immediately after?

Apologies for tmi

It was at pre school my ds started using the toilet for poos. I had provided the pre school with a potty for him to use and he was using it for a while. Not sure if the pre school staff encouraged him to use the toilet or he decided on his own. When he was doing a poo at home I kept offering him the choice of potty or toilet and one day he did it in the toilet. He would then go between toilet and potty eventually giving up the potty.

I did the same as you and offered rewards to get ds started with the toilet training. I would have done anything to get him using the toilet. I had got to the stage I thoughts ds would never be toilet trained. Luckily my ds seemed to forget about the rewards after a while.

If your ds has never done a poo in the toilet at home, maybe you should offer a big reward for the first poo in the toilet. When he has done it once maybe it will turn things around.

For my ds I think it was the sensory issues Summerloaded mentioned.

Thanks Summer and tacal. DS does suffer a lot from sensory problems, so I would imagine that is figuring heavily in his reluctance. I've not offered any huge rewards for a while (the 2nd hand Brio carriages weren't enough to tempt him ), but I have just bought a Hornby Thomas off ebay, which I might use in a last-ditch attempt. The thing is, he may well think this is "worth it", but I have no way of keeping up this level of bribery! Still, maybe if he does it once then he might not be so worried next time and I can reduce the rewards...