PA issues. AIBU?

[YourHandInMyHand]

My DS has direct payments which fund a PA for 4 hours week so he can "access the community and his peers". We also get £5 expenses for the PA and a little bit of travel expenses.

PA is to be flexible and take him places like swimming, park, library, etc. There is a specific activity we'd like him to do one evening a week but it's taking a while to set up.

This week she was booked for two days to use up some hours, one short day and one full day. Short day she got in touch about and said she couldn't do it after all as she had an appointment. This meant I had to cancel and reschedule my appointment. If this was me I'd have booked around my job rather than putting my employer out. This is her only work at the moment.

The other day we had booked (the full day), she kept asking if they could go to a funfair. DS didn't want to and I was secretly relieved due to the cost of it. Kept asking and asking. DS said he'd like to go swimming in the afternoon instead (this is his favourite activity and that fact featured in the job ad and interview), she said no as was her time of the month.

I give a purse with money in and ask for receipts and then sort it myself and take what is owed back to me out of the direct payments account. I am always out of pocket as she spends way more than the expenses so I pay for DS's stuff (obviously) and also the rest of what pa has spent over the £5 expenses. Today PA was taking DS to cinema, Macdonalds, and soft play. This is a considerable cost to me but a one off as it's a full day and I knew he'd love it. PA also squeezed in two funfair style rides making me even skinter! Also overspent on sweets when I had put a limit on how many to buy (this isn't just about the money, it's about DS eating a tonne of sweets).

Today I ask her about the activity we have been trying to set up. I've finally found a group nearby and it's on Xday. PA "Oh I've said I'll help out with an evening class every other Xday, would you be able to do the activity one week and me the other?"

Now AIBU to be starting to feel quite shirty, stressed and resentful here?! Feel she is taking to mickey a bit and that I need to have a talk with her but want to check I'm not being a moody cow first.

I dont think you are bu at all, after all she is being paid to do a job which is look after your child and to follow yours and his wishes. If you can i would try and find someone else who will put yours and your sons interests first and not their own personal interests which are being funded by you

zzzz I think that's another reason I am so cross as I am already being way more prescriptive than I first thought I would have to be. I write DS a written timetable of his day to look at and on it in smaller text I have to write for the PA things like bus numbers, when to use his disability card so she gets in free, what to buy, etc. For example today I wrote buy a drink each for cinema and spend £1 on sweets - it was only a pound as I'd sent them off with a massive bag of popcorn. Receipt shows 3 drinks and nearly £3 on sweets!

I am annoyed I have to spoonfeed her what to do and that she then doesn't follow it. Her CV is impressive for her age so I really thought she'd be confident and do things off her own initiative but no!

The direct payments are mainly to fund DS accessing the community without me, he is intensely clingy towards me so it also acts a few hours respite for me. Rather than making life easier I am fed up of time sheets, refiddling days booked and faffing with the expenses.

somewheresomehow - yes I do think she is thinking about what SHE wants to do rather than what is best for DS. If I knew that for 1 week a month swimming was out of the question I wouldn't have hired her - DS LOVES swimming and it does him good both in terms of exercise and relaxation but also he often bumps into his classmates or cousins there so it's good socially too.

poltergoose - I am definitely going to be more strict. Think I will write stuff down like zzzzz mentions.

So relieved to hear I'm not BU. I get quite anxious about things and with it being the holidays I get very little time to myself - I'm wound up as it is!

DS not seeing PA for 2 weeks so will have time to think what I want to say and get something in writing.

DS's PA is an employee of NAS that we hire by the hour, so the PA is very knowledgeable about supporting people with autism. Perhaps NAS has such a scheme in your area?

I don't think we do WetAugust. I am on the committee for our local NAS group, and haven't heard of it. Aside from our local support group NAS don't seem active here. I will have a look on the national website and see if they have any info.

PA is currently job hunting and it may even be that when she finds her main job that the PA work doesn't fit in. Will cross that bridge when and if we come to it but if we do DS will be sad and I will no look forward to going through the recruitment process again.