DS' anxiety so bad atm, it's near impossible to leave him and am near end of tether

[Jacksterbear]

DS (6.6, has been dx'd with SPD & anxiety, and under assessment for asd/PDA) has always had separation anxiety, but this week (after a holiday together last week so he's been used to us all being together) it has hit new levels. I have not been able to go to work. And he's refused to be left with anyone other than me or dh (including my mum and his nanny) so we've not been able to get any respite from him at all.

He does generally (eg when dropped off at school) calm down after about half an hour after we've left, but it's hard to impose that burden on anyone, as they'd need to physically restrain him and he will struggle, kick and lash out, as well as screaming etc.

His anxiety levels are through the roof and he's melting down over every little thing, and relentlessly demanding attention, and I feel trapped and exhausted.

Bedtime is one of his meltdown triggers so dh and I are not even getting any evening downtime from him; he's not settling til very late (and his tiredness is making his anxiety worse -vicious circle).

I'm so tired and don't feel like I can cope much longer

Poor you.
You sound exhausted. Hardly surprising.
Spoke to my neighbour today. Who was saying that her dd (just finished reception) was exhausted. The tiredness that they have at the end of term, suddenly starts to 'show' itself even more, a few weeks into the holidays.
Plus the less regimented time of the holidays is actually kind of unsettling. Plus late nights and laying in, = tired and difficult children.
And her dd is NT. Mine has very mild AS, and has been very difficult this week and has had a couple of major melt downs.

You possibly don't have the strength for this. But I recommend:

1. a bit of time for you. A bath and a glass of wine, tonight, for example.
2. Get him back into the bedtime routine. As you would if it was term-time. This will be a struggle, and you are already tired. But I think it is what is needed. To give you back some structure.
3. cuddles, or time together. Talk about how tired he is. How mum needs to go to work next week. What does he think/ what does he suggest = Plant the seed that things need to change for you to be able to return to work next week.

Does any of that sound helpful?

Thank you both for the replies and suggestions. Dh came home and I had an hour's sleep; still feel shattered and emotionall drainef but slightly less desperate!

Need to rally self to get back into a routine as you've suggested! We have been spiralling a bit this week the tireder and less able to cope I've got!

Sorry things are tough. This is the hardest time we have had too and the holidays seem so very very long this year.
Have you thought about melatonin for the sleep issues? We have used a ready sorb melatonin spray from detox people (we've been using behaviour balance for two years as well which is fantastic stuff) that's been really effective and got us our evenings back. He does wake an hour earlier in the mornings now but sleeps from 8pm-6am instead of previously 11pm- 7am so it is better. We also let him have an audio book and he drifts off listening to that.
I have found a good inclusive play scheme near us and he can have 5 free days there with one to one support. The first day I stayed for an hour until ds had bonded with his helper and he has had a great time there, no probs on drop off as the helper is a 20yo lad and we have always found he is loads better with men.
Also think oblomov's suggestion that you ask him for a solution of how you can go to work is good. If you can explain to him that you really understand how much he wants to be with you and try to spend some time understanding his exact feelings. Sometimes for us in that investigation we have discovered a particular issue that bothers him and, with his help, we've negotiated a solution.

Thanks pop. I googled the products you mentioned and they have amazing reviews so think I will order! Glad you have found some solutions that work for you and hope you're doing ok.

Yes we need to have a "plan b" discussion re next week and me getting to work!

I just posted on the G&C thread about floradix kindervital and saludynam- I really think ds responds to these as well.