Is this a "Hate Crime" or am I barking up the wrong tree? (super lengthy post!)

[WhoeverHeardOfAWormskinRug]

I was going to put this in AIBU but I think you guys might be a little bit softer on me if I'm being ridiculous!

Okay, a little background. DS1 (13) has Asperger's Syndrome, and DS2 (7) is severely Autistic.

We also have DD (2) who is NT.

We live in a mid terrace, 3 bedroom house. It is rented and we've lived here since May 2011. The boys had a bedroom each until about May this year, when we put them into a large shared bedroom, so that DD can have the small room.

About a year into living here (before the bedroom switch), our neighbour complained about DS2 being noisy. He does have verbal tics, and wakes early. (about 5.30 - 6am) He does not shout though, or make huge amounts of noise - and as soon as he is up and about, I get up with him and take him downstairs so that everyone else can sleep. I pointed out that we do everything we can to keep him quiet, and reminded her that he is autistic. (although I don't use this as an excuse, only that it is an explanation why he can't be punished for things he can't control if you see what I mean?)

As soon as I'd reminded her that he was Autistic, she suddenly changed her complaint to "banging" noises, like a door being slammed repeatedly. This confused me, as we don't bang doors in this house - although at the time DS2's door did stick, and when I got him up in the morning it would make one, single popping noise. I apologised for this and explained that I hadn't realised that they could hear the door - DP then adjusted the door screws and this seemed to stop the door making any sound.

She continued to complain about banging, and it truly had us baffled because we were not making any banging noise at all. (I honestly think that she was complaining about DS2's autistic noises, but didn't want people to think that she was BU)

I rang our council in March this year, because I couldn't get to the bottom of the noise she was alleging - and thought that they might offer some advice. All they could advise was that she would need to complain about it herself to them and then they could send some recording equipment/person to monitor it and then we could get to the bottom of what it was. In order to do that they would first send her a log sheet to fill out.

So I relayed this to her, and advised that she should call the council and that I would be fine with this.

So we got a letter from the council. A baffling one. The letter stated that there was a complaint about "constant banging" coming from our house between 3am-5am. (We are all asleep at that time!) and that there were 506 bangs (!) on average.

I called the council and stated that we categorically, do not make 506 banging noises between 3-5am! I suggested that if that was what she was complaining about, then it might be the stable yard that our houses overlook - as the horses do kick their doors a lot at night. However the complaint stated that it was definitely us.

I pressed the council further to give me details about what the banging was, and they told me that the complaint wasn't specific and in fact was very vague.

So, I stopped talking to next-door. No confrontation, no cross words - just stopped talking to them because I couldn't be bothered with whatever it was she was trying to do.

The next thing that I knew, I got a letter from our landlord about the "banging" telling us that we needed to stop, and also that we had a complaint about having "an excess of 15 cats" (we have 4!) The landlord came and did an inspection (mainly to tick boxes) and was happy that we neither had 15 cats, nor were banging all night.

In the meantime, DS2 was moved out of the bedroom on his own, in with DS1.

By June, I had heard nothing more from the council - however had found out from various neighbours that it's been spread around the area that we do have 15 cats - no wonder we were being shunned, and our cats were being accused of soiling everyone's gardens. (there are a lot of ferals in the stableyard)

I rang the council about the noise complaint, and was told that because they had heard nothing back from next-door and hadn't had a log sheet sent in; the complaint had closed down.

So, about 3 weeks ago - I spoke to next-door. She was walking past and I thought it was about time that I cleared the air. We have to live next to each other, and I thought it was best we got on. I explained that I had been puzzled by the complaint of 506 bangs, she denied ever saying that to the council and stated that it didn't matter now because whatever was banging had stopped. Since then, we've been in a nod and say "hi" kind of agreement.

Then this morning, out of the blue - another noise complaint letter from the council. "Banging" again. No time specified on the letter this time - and a line saying that we are making "no attempts to remedy the situation" which has annoyed me immensely, considering the amount of times I phoned the council on the back of the first complaint to find out what exactly the "banging" was! I even started getting up at 3am and sitting listening to see if I could hear anything. The boys are also in different bedrooms now, which rules out things I was concerned about (the sticky door)

The chap from the council is very typically on leave until Tuesday, so I can't contact him yet.

Now... This is what I think she is really trying to complain about: DS2 plays in his and DS1's bedroom twice a day, he has ADHD so is never still and the room is nice and big to run around in. He plays up there between 9.30am-11.30am and then again between 1.30am-3.30am.

He has a visual timetable and this is why we're very rigid with times! He makes a heck of a noise up there during his play sessions - he plays, he sings, he grunts, he runs, he clatters lego about, he dances. (we have carpeted flooring, so it's not the flooring clattering!) He's a 7 year old boy with Autism stimming! As I said further up, he wakes early and in order to avoid him doing these things when it's not reasonable - I get up with him. DS1 is a very light-sleeper and gets me up as soon as DS2 makes a peep!

I know next-door don't like the noise that DS2 makes during the day. They express their annoyance by hammering incredibly loudly on the wall... for example at 4pm once when DS2 was having a meltdown, and 8.30am one Sunday when I was telling DS1 off for something.

So, because this is the 4th vexatious complaint in a row - and originally the complaint was about DS2's noises specifically, would this be harassment due to disability? Would it constitute a hate crime? I feel that we are being victimised because of DS2's Autism, she is clearly trying to get us evicted (spreading rumours about us, complaining to the landlord about things that aren't true, and repeatedly complaining about non-specific banging) Would I be justified in making a complaint under the Protection from Harassment Act, as harassment due to disability? Or, should I just keep trying to ignore it - which doesn't seem to be working.

AFAIK environmental health cannot intervene in cases where complaints are made about noisy children as their noise and play is considered a normal part of society and this is probably why the neighbour has changed her complaint to non-specific banging.

I know it is worrying to get these letters but unless they can record banging on their equipment every night, then there is not a lot this woman can do although having been there with one of my former neighbours I know it is stressful and annoying.

My son also has ASD and can be very noisy. Does your DS has an official diagnosis or a DLA award. I would write to the council stating that your son has severe autism and therefore may make more noise than the 'average' child. I would also state that you believe your neighbour is targeting you because of your son's ASD and make sure you include the banging on the walls as she is the one causing the disturbance. As I imagine anything you have from your neighbour is verbal then it is your word against hers.

I don't think you'll get far with the harassment idea as I think you would have to prove it was this neighbour. But the Equality Act should get you somewhere if you include the relevant legislation to your situation in your letter to the council. Also mention how four complaints of noise in x amount months from the council could be considered harassment especially as they have no logs or recordings of the noise and it seems like they aiding a vindictive neighbour. Also send a copy of the letter to your landlord. Send both letters with free proof of postage.

I know the complaint is vexatious but there is nothing she can actually do. When you start stressing about her complaint - just think of her annoyance when DS is stimming and smile to yourself in grim satisfaction.

I think that by "crime" I was meaning the whole thing - them banging on the walls, spreading lies to the other neighbours, lying to our landlord and then lying to the council to top it all off. But you're right, no crime as such has been committed, and certainly not directly at us. I think I was reading too much into the whole discrimination thing on the citizens advice website.

It's so easy to get swept away, when feeling so victimised like this.

I'll get my head together and write a letter to the council.

"He plays up there between 9.30am-11.30am and then again between 1.30am-3.30am. "

Do you mean between 1.30 and 3.30 PM? Just checking as that could be the source of the problem!

It is hard to keep kids quiet at the best of time but having children with disabilities which make them likely to be noisy in a terraced house must be very hard.

But to put the other side of this, it can also be very hard to live with noise. Is your neighbour elderly? Even if she isn't, some people are very affected by noise (as I know having a child with ASD myself) and some people do not have the skills to deal with confrontation face to face or to be able resolve problems. So they may resort to underhand ways. She is not dealing with this well it maybe she doesn't know how else to deal with it.

You are doing the right thing by writing to the council and also by speaking to her and keeping lines of communication open. Keep explaining the reason for the noise and ask for her to be open with you about it.

Also, some people hate cats! They can poo everywhere else but their own garden!

Sounds to me like she has got a lot of anger which she doesn't know what to do with.

Thank you for the replies!

Ahh I meant pm not am! As in, after lunch! Lol, my brain is frazzled in the heat! We need a good thunderstorm to blow off the cobwebs! (Can I blame DP? He proof read for me before I posted...)

She's not elderly, no - and they make plenty of noise themselves (which I've no problem with). Last year when we were still talking, I'd asked her about some hammering at 10pm and she'd said she was building a bed! (They do DIY quite often between about 8-10pm, I think because this is when her DSil finishes work) there's always drilling or something going on on a weekly basis! Not something I would think to complain about - although I imagine she must have thousands of pictures up by now! In fact their dog is out in the garden now, barking away at the bats! I always thought it was give and take when you live next door to people.

If she was honest about what the actual problem/noise/whatever was then we could do something about it, or at least try to work on some sort of compromise. As it stands, she is sticking to her allegation that there are 506 bangs coming from our house between 3-5am. (That's an impressive 4-5 bangs per minute, sustained over 2 hours!) She point blank refused mediation back in March when I suggested it and I don't know what else to do.

I won't stop DS spending time in his bedroom, we also take him to the park twice a day to run, and plan in some quiet sensory activities later in the day too, so it's not and never has been constant noise. Obviously in term time he doesn't play in his room at all during the week - as we have "quiet" time straight away when he gets home from school.

I'm just cross because it seems unfair that she can have the council send us threatening letters repeatedly, with no evidence. And we are being accused of not doing anything to stop this vague banging which the council aren't really sure about anyway. I just think that they should either come and do some recording and get to the bottom of it, or sod off and stop writing to us!

Ooh re: the cats, they are house cats - she purely told the landlord and other neighbours we had 15+ to stir things up. We haven't actually unleashed a feline poo-machine tornado upon the neighbourhood! She's lived here a long time and considers herself to be the font of all knowledge about everyone on the street, so obviously people heard what she said, saw the ferals from the stables and then a couple of cats in our window and made assumptions. Luckily our landlord is pretty sympathetic, and didn't believe it - but I am worried that they'll eventually get sick of her constant complaints and just give us our marching orders.