damand avoidance at all time high.....what to do to help DS cope??

[LilTreacle]

Not sure what the root cause is - lack of school routine, different things happening each week, getting overwhelmed at holiday club/all of these - but DS's moderate resistance to daily tasks and requests at home have turned in to flat refusals and melt downs.
School were familiar with this kind of response, and I have always believed this to be a combination of uncertaintly or confusion about what is expected and overstimulation/sensory overload. At home he has been more of a lengthy negotiator and never actually dug his heels in and refused....until now.

He's obviously not coping with the holidays.....we have a visual schedule and have not deviated from it, give plenty of notice about what is going to be happening, spend time together just playing so he gets lots of attention etc ...but that does not seem to be enough at the moment.

Any suggestions?

Sorry if I'm suggesting things you're already doing /familiar with, but have you looked at the PDA strategies (including humour, distraction, novelty, negotiation) or the "plan b" approach from "The Explosive Child"?

...at the moment nothing is working...........I'll re-read the explosive child and remind myself what is advised there........

May I just ask - does he have a games console? I find that makes my son a thousand times worse, particularly any 'live' games as it really get the adrenaline rushing.

also, I thought it was better not to have a 'schedule' as it creates strong demands, which then need to be avoided? I find with my son that any chart, timetables etc actually make things worse, but we are all different!

Yes, he has a games console, and DS fixates on any kind of screen time (PS2, DVDs, TV, Phones), so we limit it as much as possible. Its overstimulating, although he enjoys it immensely, and its only something he uses at the end of the day when there are no more demands on him (apart from switching it off and relaxing for a bit before bed).

DS loves a plan. In general he is not PDA, but can be controlling when stressed/unsure/confused.

Its not the activities or 'things' we plan to be doing for the day he has issue with and loves to have a plan for the day...its the 'daily grind' that he is being avoidant of. He is easily distracted, so needs regular prompts to keep him on task...and this is when the refusals come.

He wants to go to sports club this week, he loves all the games, the competition and the running around all day. But he does not want to get out of bed even though he is awake and has been for hours , doesn't want to wash (needs to as not dry at night) or eat breakfast, or get dressed.

Stating going to sports clubs depends on doing the routine things does not help at all.

He can and does choose when to get up (he wakes early), whether to have a shower or a bath, what to eat for breakfast and prepares it himself, what to wear etc. and that is usually sufficient choice for him to feel comfortable...but not at the moment.

Its just a case of moving goal posts....seems like you have it nailed and life is ticking along nicely then DS throws a curve ball and we look for new strategies.....oh well, back to researching and trying new things.