something amiss with ds5? or is this normal. feeling worried & sad

[ernest]

ds is 5. goes to kindergarten 4 mornings & 1 pm per week. At the mo. is also there with elder bro (6)

Parent's evening couple weeks ago left me tearful.
Teacher (v. experienced, thorough & great) gave quite sad & bad report. How he needles other kids (eg pawing at them with his wet thumb) He sucks his thumb a lot there. At home, usually only when tired.. He wants to play but somehow goes too far/gets too rough.
He is insecure & has low self-esteem. Often says he can't do something & reluctant to try. Says he's a very young/immature 5.

She was concerned middle child syndrome played a role, esp as all boys.
His fine motor skills are appallng (doesn't seem yet sure if left or right handed, finds using fork very difficult, tries to resort to eating with fingers).

Also has (fewer) gross motor problems. Problems with balance.
He tell lies, or is it he lives in a fantasy world, I'm not sure how much he beleievs, if he's aware he's lying, why he does it, eg to make himself look cleverer/ bigger. eg we were driving through mountain & I saw a deer up mountain. Then couple of mins later he shrieks I saw one, over there. Ther was no other deer. Then every 2 yards, he was shouting out he'd seen another. And another.

Today he had his swimming lesson. Was as bad as it could be. He spent lot of time not listening & mucking about with other kid. Then when they had to do something he started crying & said he couldn't do it. Then they went to the deep pool. All other kids having a go. He sat on side, for nearly half of lesson. He told he his choice, ie not sent out for being naughty.

Then daddy comes home & asks how swimming went & he's 'oh it was great. I even went in the diving pool & dived off the board etc etc etc) I later told dh it was total fantasy & he was totally shopcked as he's believed every word.

When being spoken to, not nec told off he cannot make/maintain eye contact but otherwise does.

I'm starting to worry, as it seems one thing after another.

Does he sound like a normal but a bit difficult 5 yr old, or do these things link together in anyone's mind? I feel so down and sad & don't know where to go for help, or if indeed I'm totally over reacting & none is needed.

Thanks for bearing with me thus far. I always seem to be begging for help atm

ernest, I am sorry I have no real advice, but just didn't want to ignore you. My gut feeling is difficult end of normal, and that maybe the motor problems are making him feel insecure and frustrated, and that is coming out as lies about what he's achieved, but that is no more than a guess.

How is your MIL, by the way?

thanks so much tamum. She's responded brilliantly to the chemo & has already sailed through 5 of her 6 treatments. She's had very few side effects & is very up beat. Couldn't be better considering. Thnks for asking.

Oh, wonderful :) I'm really pleased, had been wondering.

I am sorry you're worried about your ds, though. He does sound mildly dyspraxic, do you think? It's so hard to tell though, particularly with boys. Ds was useless at anything physical at that age but caught up pretty well by about 7. Is it possible he doesn't like kindergarten much?

he loves it, never complains about going. It is a wonderful place and 95% of the other kids live in the same street, so they all know each other really well. don't know enough about dyspraxia, but was recommended a very interesting book about kids & balance & in it, it said that kids with balance problems often linked to kids who are dyslexic/dyspraxic. seem to all be adding up to something, but I don't know what.

I don't know anything about this sort of thing, so can't offer any meaningful advice, except is there someone you can go and talk to - do you have a good GP who could give you advice on who to approach to get some assessments done? There must be peadiatricians who specialise in this sort of area.

Are you happy with the kindergarten? I'm surprised that they have given this report without you being aware there were any problems before? Thumb sucking sounds like a comfort thing, so maybe he isn't as happy as he says he is there?

I hope you get some answers and peace of mind.

very happy with kg. emphasis not really on him being pain withother kids. they have referred him to a specialist, I don't know what the English equivalent is, but he's been referred b/c his poor motor skills.

I went along to the inital observation & a few things she noted were poor eye/hand coordination. They were in a big hall & he was told to just have a run about & just ran all the way to one end, turned around & ran all the way back etc. She said he's the only one she's seen to do that, all other kids weave about, run in circles etc. He did a drawing for her & the people had no bodies, only legs & head. He can barely hold pen (my 2 yr old has better fine motor skills). He can't skip. She had bags with different fillings (eg wheat, sugar, course salt etc ) & he found it very difficult to differentiate. So it wasn't bolt from blue, but was worse/more depressing than expected. And since then, several things. At advice of teacher, he has now stopped swimming lessons.

ernest, about the fibbing/fantasy world- I think this is quite common and my elder dd ( nealry 5 ) has started doing this, making up bizarre tales and all sorts. I suppose it's just their comprehension andimagination kicking in - I really wouldn't worry too much. The thing with the deer - my dd does stuff like that frequently! I tend to joke about it rather than turn it into a serious issue. I really woudnlt worry too much.

dunno cal - it's called 'rhythmic' here. to help kids with motor problems.

donnie, re the fibbing, I've always ignored it/ not thought much of it. But it's a small piece of a growing number of puzzle pieces. On it's own I obviously wouldn't worry, but it's not on it's own. And it's been a bloody sad and difficult day with him. We've had a lot of problems today, and the disasterous swimming lesson with the fantasy version for daddy was the final straw

he sounds a bit like ds2 (very imaginative). Ds2's fine motor skills are appalling- but I think partly because he's left handed (and took ages to settle to that). DS2 also has some mild sensory issues going on which make him act a bit weird at times (and a bit fearful).

I'd recommend reading "the out of synch child" - cheap paperback- available on amazon- you may recognise something there.

oh ds2 is a middle child as well- aged 4 with a severely autistic 7 year old brother and a 17 month old younger brother. I've noticed a lot of his difficult behaviour started when ds3 started walking and demanding attention.

well, I read up about dyspraxia, and every symptom/sign except one was very much him, so will be having further discussions with the kindergartnerin & his rythmic teacher-to-be. Thanks.